


Between Lightning And The Fade

by Laina



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Modern Girl in Thedas, Relationship TBD, Slow Build, Slow Burn, evenutal fluff, literally eventual everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 09:57:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 62,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7679929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laina/pseuds/Laina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ON HIATUS</p><p>Emily woke up in the shadow of the breach's creation, with no memory of her past life and an itching feeling that she just doesn't belong there.</p><p>Another "Modern Girl in Thedas" AU (because, you know, there aren't enough of them...)!</p><p>The main romantic interests are Cullen and Solas, and it seems like it can go either way... Who will she end up with? What crazy adventures will she encounter along the way? </p><p>Let's find out together!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Update frequency: Once a week, hopefully!
> 
> Been on a roll writing this one, don't plan on slowing down any time soon...! Characters will be introduced as slowly or quickly as they feel like it. This story seems to just kinda be writing itself honestly! 
> 
> This is the intro chapter~ Let's meet Emily!

Grey and cloudy. Lighting flashed in the sky. Wind swirled around, blowing through the leaves of trees. The setting sun cast interesting shadows and colours upon the clouds. Pink, yellow, grey, darker grey. In the middle it had taken on an interesting blend of grey and yellow that ended up looking an odd shade of green.

Alone in a park stood a girl in the middle of the storm. Observing.

“Emily,” her roommate, Trish, was on the phone in her ear. “I know you love storms but this one looks pretty bad. Make sure you come home before it gets too dark, okay?”

Emily eyed the sky, noting the half formed funnel cloud to the left. She pulled her hood further down on her head, making sure the phone was covered.

“Yeah no worries, I’m only about a 15 minute walk away anyways!” she cheerfully replied. Storms were cool, really cool. The way lightning danced across the sky in intricate patterns, the way the  clouds seemed to swirl in the sky. She loved it all.

“I’ll talk to you later Trish, I want to get a better vantage point.” Emily hung up and zipped her phone back into her pocket before it could get too wet. She had nothing else on her, she’d only come out to see the storm.

Glancing around the empty park, she hastily trekked her way up and around the hill (no telling how long the storm was going to last!). Up to her favourite spot for storm watching. It was a little bench area that overlooked the city. Usually a popular spot for lovers.

But nobody was ever there during a storm.

She took a seat and looked outward.

The entire sky had taken an odd greenish hue now as the sun set more. Emily had seen this before. As the sun set, the green would turn more and more orange.

She could tell the storm was moving closer. The thunder clapped louder than ever above her. A booming noise that seemed to shake the ground.

Then suddenly, the sky did something she had never seen before.

Lighting flashes were usually purple or blue, if not white. But this was green. Bright green.

It was accompanied by a loud cracking sound that differed slightly from the usual lightning.

Emily jumped up, as if that would somehow bring her closer to the light.

In the sky the clouds had funnelled around a bright green light that had formed. Emily’s heart pounded in anticipation.

She squinted at the new appearance. Trying to figure out what kind of weather phenomenon it was. She took a small step forward. And the sky exploded.

Suddenly she was falling, and the green turned black. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update Schedule: Once a week! Just posting this chapter too! 
> 
> (also will probably post another in a day or so...!)
> 
> This chapter is a lot longer than the last, and you can expect most chapters to be around this length!
> 
> We meet a new character in this one..! Let's gooo...~

“She’s breathing!”

“Good, take her back to Haven. Get her help. We are going further uphill. Pray that the divine survived.”

She was vaguely aware that it was cold. People were hustling around her, clanking sounds and softened footsteps.

She forced herself to open her eyes. Squinting at the surroundings. The first thing she saw were the clouds. Grey.

“You’re awake!” There was a man to her immediate right. She squeezed her eyes shut. He was too loud. “Are you alright?” he asked, softer this time.

She opened her eyes again, wider than before. She took in the man’s face. A bit rugged. Messy brown hair and a beard. And a shiny helmet was on his head.

“I... “ Nothing really hurt. She was just confused. “I think so?”

The man helped her up. It was then she realised he was wearing armor.

For some reason, she felt that wasn’t normal. Was he a soldier? Why?

“What happened?” she croaked out as she took in her surroundings. She was in a snow covered forest. She glanced up and took in the sky, it felt right. Until she saw the green hole in the sky. Literally, it looked like a gaping hole, swallowing up the clouds that swirled around it. It even had rocks that seemed to defy logic that were floating and falling from it. “What’s that?”

“Ah..” said the soldier. “There was an explosion. Then that _thing_ appeared. We are calling it The Breach. Seems it’s an actual tear in the veil. The light coming from it is from the Fade itself. Spooky stuff.”

She nodded, not having any clue as to what he was talking about. Did she hit her head?

“Now come on, I was told to take you back to Haven. It’s not safe here now. Demons could be about.” The soldier started to walk downhill, towards what appeared to be a frozen river.

“Demons??” That definitely didn’t sound right. Did she hear him wrong?

“I can handle them, don’t worry miss…” the soldier paused. “What was your name by the way?”

She stopped. Her mind went blank. Her name? What _was_ her name? Her chest tightened.

“I.. I can’t remember!” she took shallow, quick breaths, trying to quell the panic. . “I can’t remember my name!”

The soldier was beside her in an instant. Reassuring her that it was fine. A few other people the’d found along the way couldn’t remember things either. It would come back.

The soldier led her back down to the town called “Haven”. He introduced himself as Norwell. Explained he was a templar.

When she asked what that was, Norwell chuckled and told her she would remember eventually. But they protected people.

He also talked a lot about mages. That was so strange. Mages? Like, magic mages?

She kept her mouth shut. Something told her he was serious, despite the fact that it made no sense to her.

Even the place felt wrong. She was certain there was no snow before. Though she couldn’t say for sure, but that didn't really make sense, there was snow now. Was it that time of year?

The soldier asked her more questions along the way. Where she was from, what she remembered about what happened, why her clothes looked so different, who were her parents.

The answers were all the same, she had no idea.

So he talked a bit about himself. Said he was trained to be a Templar from a young age, his father was one too.

He talked about the mages again every now and again. He said that they weren't to be trusted. He expressed his relief that she wasn't a Mage. He said it was why they weren't suspicious that she was the person that caused it. Only a Mage could have done it.

She didn't tell him that she thought magic sounded cool. She did tell him she forgot about mages.

He laughed and said he wish he could too.

As they were coming upon the small village of Haven, suddenly there was another loud crack in the sky. Their amiable mood crashed as they watched demons fall from a smaller breach not 20 feet ahead of them.

Emily was horrified, frozen on the spot. But she had a revelation then too. Something about the light had reminded her. Her name.

Norwell hastily pulled her off the path into the cover of the trees.

“We have to go this way. You don't look like you're much of a fighter, no offence. I can't take on more than one at a time.” Her eyes widened. “Don't worry miss, it'll be ok. Haven is well defended.”

Just then a small group of soldiers came up the path, shouting for the demons to be vanquished. Norwell pulled her along the tree line, and they walked around as quietly as they could. The sound of shouting and what could only be the cold terrifying cries of demons filled the air as other soldiers attacked.

Clearly the world was on their side as they made it away without any confrontation.

At the walls of the village Norwell explained to the guards there that Emily was another they'd found alive in the mountains. Her shiver then was not because of the cool mountain air, but at the implied thought they had found many people that were in fact, NOT alive.

When it was mentioned she had forgotten her memory, they decided to take her to the healer right away. Norwell went back up the path to help his comrades. Emily wished him good luck.

The village was nothing like she had expected. She wasn't exactly sure what she had expected, but based on how run down everything was… It wasn't that. The buildings looked a bit different from what she felt she was used to. She couldn't say why.

She was taken to a small area to the left of the entrance, where there were small, cottage like houses, and brought to a man named Adan.

“You've also lost your memory, then?” he said it in a blunt, aggressive sort of way. “Best I look at your head. Last one died not 15 minutes ago. Head injury.”

“Other than my memory, I honestly feel fine…” Emily said quietly, well, she was fine except for how scared she felt. Adan ignored her and inspected her head.

“Looks fine to me.” he concluded. “Take an elfroot potion today and hopefully your memory will come back. Probably the shock.”

A bit miffed at his treatment, Emily took the vial the healer handed her and scurried out.

The first thing Emily did when she stepped out was stare at the sky. She more closely examined the breach, as they called it. As scary as an actual hole in the sky sounded, it was oddly fascinating to look at. The clouds seemed to flow around it, ebbing and flowing as rocks crashed down from the other side. Every few moments it rumbled and glowed.

She wanted to study it, as crazy as that seemed. She knew better to vocalise it, not when so many people here seemed so upset about it.

Emily badly wished she could remember what the fade was. Why could she remember some things and not others? Why did everything seem so wrong?

She looked at the vial in her hand. Elfroot potion is what Adan had called it.

She had never heard of it. The name seemed foreign. Though she could gather that elfroot was a plant of some sort.

She popped it open and slowly brought it to her face, giving it a sniff. It smelled like mud, mostly. Mud and grass. The colour was off putting though.

Emily downed the concoction in one gulp. A healer HAD prescribed it after all. It wouldn't kill her. Maybe.

It didn't taste quite as awful as she had imagined, and went down smoothly. She wouldn't rush to drink another right away though.

Immediately she felt a swell of energy. Her fatigue that had unknowingly built up from her hike down the mountain melted away.

She found herself staring at the empty vial. Did that usually happen when she drank stuff?

Off to the side of the house Emily noticed a small crate filled with empty bottles. She deposited hers there, hoping that was what she was supposed to do, and decided to wander the village, which seemed to be overflowing with many more people than it was meant to hold. And most of those people seemed to be distressed. She was glad to have no memories despite the fact the world was probably ending.

She didn't know whether to feel sad or relieved that she didn't have to know what she was missing.

She wandered among the people, and came across a little girl crying. She was by herself. Nobody seemed to be approaching her.

The girl was knelt in the snow in bare feet, covered in mud. Her clothes, which seemed much too thin for the winter, were in bad shape.

Figuring the least she could do in the possible end times was comfort a child, Emily knelt down beside her.

“Are you alright?” she asked, hoping to get the girls attention. “Can I help you at all?”

The girl looked up, tears streamed across her face. It was then that Emily noticed her ears. Her very pointed and very real ears. She immediately connected it to elf ears. But, elves weren't real… Right?

“You…” sniffled the girl. “You would help me even though I'm an elf?”

Emily felt her heart break. And also soar with some sort of excitement because yes, elves were real. Also this poor girl thought that because she was one that she wouldn't like her.

“Of course not.” she proclaimed. “I love elves.” The little girl lit up, wiping her eyes.

“Really?” she asked.

“Of course.” Emily replied with as much enthusiasm as she could manage right then. “Elves are very cool.”

Clearly elves were discriminated against. That seemed weird, didn't everyone secretly think elves in fantasy were awesome?

...Why was she thinking it was fantasy though? There was an elf right in front of her. They were very real.

The girl told Emily about her parents, they had gone up to where the explosion was. Obviously somebody had cruelly told her they were gone. She said she wished she had a clan like the dalish. Emily didn't really know what that meant. But she gathered the little elf girl didn't want to be left alone.

When a small array of troops came back down the mountain a short while later, Emily had learned the girl’s name was Panosa, and that she had grown up in the city. Her parents came for the conclave (Emily still wasn’t really sure what that was) in hopes to view the final decision that would hopefully stop the wars. Emily questioned her about those, but Panosa didn’t really seem to understand it much.

There was a man captive in the arms of the soldiers that came down. Or were they templars? Emily wasn’t sure. Was there a difference? His hand flashed green. The exact green of the breach. Emily felt her hair stand on end.

Whispers arose as the group passed. People immediately blaming the unconscious man. Panosa gripped at Emily’s leg, who gently patted her head as comfort. They, along with a crowd of others, followed the group with intrigue.

The man was dragged to Adan’s building. A woman with short,black cropped hair, who was clearly in charge, started to talk to Adan in angry whispers. Adan looked upset. Probably that he had to do work again, seemed like it was a huge pain for him or something. Emily hoped he was at least getting paid.

The man with the glowing hand was taken inside the cabin, and the woman turned to address the small crowd that had formed.

“As you all know, the conclave was compromised.” she announced, her voice deep and rich. “The Divine..”

She looked down, then cleared her throat. Everyone held their breath. “The Divine did not survive.”

There were concerned cries and fierce whispers all around Emily. One woman burst into tears.

“We believe we have found the one responsible…” Everyone hung onto her words. “But we are unable to do anything until he awakens.”

People started to protest loudly. A blond haired man wearing a large, red cape started telling people to disperse. He looked important, and people seemed to listen.

It was then that a bald man, an elf, approached the black haired woman. He carried himself in a confident manner, much unlike Panosa. Emily moved closer to hear what he said, as nobody had yet moved to try to speak to any of those that appeared in charge. Panosa peered around her from where she had latched onto Emily's leg. Maybe she was interested in another elf.

“My name is Solas,” he started. “I am a Mage, and I have been studying the Fade for a lifetime.”

Emily observed the man. He wore old, ragged clothes and seemed completely non threatening. The woman seemed suspicious but his honesty seemed to give her a reason to listen to him.

“If possible, I would like to study the man, and help however I can. I have a theory that I wish to confirm. I believe he can close the Breach.”

“Solas,” she pronounced all the letters in his name, as if considering it. “How do I know you are not the one behind the explosion, or will not help our prisoner escape?”

Solas’ face didn't change at all as he casually replied. “If I had caused the explosion, I would likely be dead right now, or at the very least, have as obvious a mark as your prisoner does. You may search me, if you require.”

He had a haughty reply, his voice confident. The woman nodded.

“Very well, Solas. I will permit you to observe the prisoner and his mark. But you must report all findings to me, is that understood?”

Solas nodded. “Of course. And your name? I would like to know who it is I am reporting to.”

“Cassandra Pentaghast.” replied the woman.

In that moment, Adan came back out of his cabin in a huff. “This man is as good as dead,” he announced to Cassandra, crossing his arms.

“What?” she was furious.

“I believe your healer lacks sufficient ability to deal with something of this magnitude.” Solas observed calmly. He was clearly not concerned of his own abilities not being enough. Or perhaps his curiosity dominated any concern he might have had.

“I'm not even a healer,” if Adan was insulted, it was masked by his rude demeanour. “The.. thing, on his hand. It's growing. I don't even dare to touch it.”

Cassandra sighed. “The world could very well be ending. Everyone should put in their best efforts to ensure that doesn't happen.” Her words were clearly directed towards Adan, who scoffed.

Solas looked up then, right at Emily, and raised an eyebrow at her and Panosa. Cassandra then ushered both Solas and Adan back into the cabin.

It was then that Emily took a look around and realised that, with the exception of Panosa who still clung to her leg, nobody was around. No wonder Solas had looked right at her. She had been very obviously eavesdropping.

Well then. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emily has very little faith in Adan, haha! 
> 
> We got to see Solas, that's exciting. I really feel like Solas would have had to prove himself to Cassandra, she seems to trust him so much right from the beginning of the game (never questioning him, just agreeing with him...) Something must have happened for her to have faith in him! 
> 
> Also how long was the inquisitor out for at the beginning?? The notes in game suggest a few days or at least a long while. I'm going to go with maybe two days before they wake up. No wonder everyone got sent up on the mountain to fight in the end. I'm sure those demons were completely terrifying for those who couldn't defend themselves well (or got injured...).


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency:  
> Once a week. Maybe twice this week if I find I have more time than I thought!

The crowd had settled back under their tents and against the walls, though they seemed restless and agitated.

Emily began to wander, seeing as nothing was happening. Cassandra’s words had pulled at her. She needed to help out too. Other people whispered and angry words were directed towards the unidentified prisoner. Many people seemed to be willing to pin the blame on him. It made sense, but Emily would beg to differ. One person did all that? Really? She didn't understand magic yet, but nobody could be that powerful.

Not too far away, the man with the armour and red cape stood organising troops. Emily overheard him talking about demons. They were clearly going to go defend the small fortress that was Haven. He had taken charge and seemed quite at ease barking orders. The soldiers seemed to look up to him, perhaps because he seemed to exude confidence, and seemed to be a decent leader..

Emily wanted to ask him if she could help, but he seemed too busy to pay any attention to her. Also his face was rather attractive and that was intimidating. And she had no idea how to fight. Probably. Best she didn't find out in an actual battle though.

Instead, she found a woman who was handing out swords and tying armor onto soldiers. She was working hard by herself. Emily watched how she tied the armour on, so that she might help out, intending to jump right in.

She walked over and told Panosa to sit near the tent.

“I'm helping you.” She announced to the woman, who looked about to protest. But when she saw Emily tightening armor on one of the men, she seemed to change her mind.

She nodded, adjusted Emily's looser ties, then together they outfitted at least two dozen soldiers. Or Templars. Emily didn't know still. The wind blew right through them now, and Emily's fingers were so cold it was hard to bend them, but they managed to get it done either way. Threnn had gloves on at least, and a hat. Emily couldn't imagine how cold Panosa was, who had way fewer layers than her and a lack of shoes, she shivered silently behind them.

The man who had been giving out orders before came over, seemingly done dispatching people.

“Commander.” The outfitting woman addressed him with a nod. Emily threw in a half-hearted bow, unsure how to address somebody in that position.

“Thank you for doing all that, Threnn. I want you to stay here and take care of the people. Make sure they are warm and taken care of. We will be back,” the commander glanced at the sky. “Hopefully.”

Threnn frowned but nodded. “Sir.”

The Commander turned, nodded to Emily. “Thank you too, for helping.” He looked her up and down. “See that she has proper clothes as well.”

Then he excused himself and marched off.

Threnn turned to Emily and gave her a once over. She gave her a brief smile.

“I'm Threnn, thanks for your help earlier.”

“I'm Emily,” she said, then gestured behind her. “And this is Panosa.”

Threnn took one look at the little eleven girl and pulled them both over to her little tent, frowning.

As they got settled on a small carpet made from what looked like straw, Threnn fussed a bit over Panosa.

“Where are your foot wrappings?” she asked her. “If you don’t have any, I can get you a pair of shoes. It’s no good to go barefoot in this snow.”

Panosa went wide eyed. “I lost them…” she sniffled a bit. “Sorry…”

Threnn didn't have elven foot wraps, but decided to give her a pair of shoes, made of leather.

They looked a bit large but Panosa’s happiness when she exclaimed how warm her feet were feeling a few minutes later were worth it. She would likely grow into them if she had them for a while. She was also given a fluffy overcoat to block off the wind.

Threnn also addressed the fact that Emily’s clothes were very strange, and… also not appropriate for the weather. Probably what the Commander (whose name was apparently “Cullen”) had meant. Threnn asked her where they were from, but Emily had no answer.

Emily explained she’d lost her memory. She’d been a victim of the blast. Panosa hugged her when she heard that, saying she would be sad if she forgot everything, Emily didn't know what to say, uncomfortable.

Threnn turned around and gathered some things from what appeared to be a trunk. Then she shoved Emily into her tent and told her to change.

Emily emerged feeling warmer than ever, and covered in fur. The shoes she had been given were huge, furry, warm things, she had tight, leather pants, and the sweater that she wore, though heavy, was incredible warm. Threnn helped her tie the straps around it, and Emily suddenly felt like she fit in.

She looked at her old clothes. She knew what she had been wearing were called jeans, though Threnn had never heard of such a thing before. Her shirt was simple and grey, and her jacket was water resistant, and black. Her previous shoes said “converse, all star” on them on the sides. This struck a chord with her, and something tugged at her memory.

“I’m going to keep these clothes,” she told Threnn, who gave her a surprised look. “I feel like they were a bit expensive, or important to me somehow.”

She didn’t question that, they looked different enough to be custom made or something. Emily put her clothes in a sack, along with a few of Panosa’s belongings. It seemed like they were going to be together for a while, so she wanted to be responsible for her. She was just a child after all.

Emily then asked Threnn if there was anything she could do for her. She didn't want to get in the way, but she wanted to help out, especially since Threnn and the others had given her so much.

Threnn complimented her on her quick work with outfitting the soldiers, and started to teach her a bit about what she did. She basically worked as a supplier, along with keeping track of everything and making sure that it was dispersed properly. She said her job shouldn't change even though the world might be ending. She knew what she was good at.

There was only so much she could do though, so many of their supplies had been destroyed by the explosion. They barely had enough armour, and definitely didn't have enough in terms of weapons, and with very little metal to work with, they wouldn't be making more any time soon, either.

After a while of her explanations, they both glanced over and noticed Panosa curled up, asleep just under the tent flaps.

“It was really great of you to stay with this girl. I wish I had been able to help her earlier.”

Threnn was furious when Emily explained how people had been avoiding Panosa and how she’d found her.

“If anyone calls her a knife-ear, tell me straight away. I'll take care of them for you.” Threnn was fiercely against discrimination, it seemed. Emily was glad. She wasn't the only one who wanted to take care of the girl.

They both stared at the sky, which continued to crack and glow and, daresay she, grow larger. She didn't want to think about it.

Threnn and Emily did their best to spread around blankets for people. The food supply was low but there were enough blankets to go around without all the soldiers there. Emily told large groups to huddle in the tent under their blanket in order to share warmth. People seemed grateful for her efforts. The people still seemed to be grieving the Divine. Emily saw many people praying.

When she met up with Threnn again after distributing the blankets, Emily built up the courage to ask her about the Divine. Threnn seemed surprised at first, that she didn’t remember her, but when Emily explained that she had no clue what anything was, and how much she was struggling, Threnn decided to give her a basic run down, since it seemed glaringly obvious that she remembered only her name, and nothing else. No history, nothing. Threnn probably took pity on her.

She briefly told her about Divine Justinia and the war between the mages and the templars. She explained what the conclave was meant for, and showed maps of Thedas to Emily, who still didn’t recognize any of the names, not the way that she’d recognized the logo on her shoes - which Threnn did not recognize.

They got no closer to figuring out where she might have been from. It was easy to cross off places not in Fereldan from the list, she didn’t speak any other languages, only common (though she was sure there was an actual name for the language that wasn't “Common”). Beyond that, pinpointing a location was nearly impossible. Emily decided it would be better to just remember later. The map was only giving her a headache.

Or maybe if she never remembered, it was for the best. Many places had been ravaged. Her heart hurt at the thought that maybe her entire family was dead. Or her friends. And her home. Gone.

Instead she decided that at the very least she would take care of Panosa, who obviously had no family or clan to take care of her (Threnn had briefly explained dalish clans to Emily as well).

They woke Panosa and had a small meal of dried ram meat together. Panosa was quiet the whole time.

Emily noticed the door to the healing cabin open in her peripheral, and both Adan and Solas emerged, carrying the man with the glowing hand. They moved him into a building across the way. He was still unconscious. Nobody else emerged, so she assumed Cassandra had already left. 

They both came back out of the second cabin, and Adan hurried back to his own. Whatever they had been trying to do was clearly done for the moment. Threnn got up and said she was gonna give people some food, she told Emily to rest for now. 

Emily kept her eyes on the cabin with the prisoner and Solas, curious. Was their prisoner alive? 

Maybe she was staring a bit too much, because when Solas emerged and they made eye contact, he came right over to them, his face unreadable.

There was a moment of silence, then Emily said, “Solas, right? Would you like to sit down?”

Solas glanced at Panosa and nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

He crossed his legs and gently sat down beside Panosa. He stuck his staff in the ground just beside him. Emily felt intimidated, she definitely did not have the courage to ask him about the prisoner, or anything, really. 

Panosa gaped at him, clearly feeling the opposite. “Hello!” she said, more chipper than she had been for a while. “I like your stick.” she was referring to his staff.

Solas chuckled, and smiled at her. “Thank you, I quite like it as well.” He observed Panosa for a moment, ignoring Emily.

“What's your name?” he asked her.

“Panosa,” she replied, “and this is Emily. She’s my friend.”

Emily smiled stiffly at Solas, who nodded to her in greeting.

“Have you been treated well?” Solas asked Panosa gently, though his face was unreadable.

“Yeah! Threnn from before gave me warm shoes, and Emily was so nice, she said elves are cool, even though she can't remember anything!”

Emily flushed, she would rather people not know about her memory. Solas, however, seemed intrigued. Ah, children and their innocence.

“You’ve lost your memory?” he asked her. Emily nodded hesitantly, looking down.

“They found me in the mountains.. I.. I was probably caught in the blast.” Emily was suddenly stuttering and shy. Solas seemed so strong and confident, and yet beside him she felt so insecure and helpless. 

Solas frowned at this information. “I’m... sorry to hear that. Do you mind if I take a look? I will make sure you aren't injured elsewhere as well.”

Emily nodded, deciding it was probably fine for a second examination, especially since Solas seemed to actually know what he was doing. Adan hadn't given her the time of day before. She wasn't even sure what an elfroot potion was supposed to do. She would have to ask somebody later.

Solas stood up, and Emily followed suit. How did this even work? She wasn't sure.

“Just stand still,” he instructed. His hands started to glowed a warm, blue colour as he - hopefully - examined Emily’s head with magic. Emily found it oddly disconcerting, having somebody's hands hovering a mere few inches from her face. She tried not to look at him, instead focusing on Panosa, who curiously observed the pair, and shivered a few times, though with her new clothes, Emily wondered why. She hadn't complained about being cold.

Solas furrowed his eyebrows a few times, either unhappy with his findings, or perhaps in concentration. Then he slowly moved downward, inspecting the rest of her body. The glowing eventually stopped as he reached her feet, and he stood back up.

“You seem fine,” he stated. Emily released a breath she hadn't known she was holding. “In fact you have no injuries at all. The memory loss is quite intriguing.”

“Intriguing huh? I wonder why I can't remember anything…” Emily wasn't insulted by his tactless observation, she also found it curious, though frustrating. She chuckled. “Hopefully there's nothing important I'm forgetting to do.”

Solas didn't react to Emily's joke, instead choosing to sit back with Panosa. She started to question him about being a mage. Solas answered almost happily, the questions not putting him off in the slightest. He talked about the Fade and how it gave him his magic, and then about the spirits there, which he said were sometimes twisted into demons. Both Emily and Panosa listened with interest.

“I didn't know any of that,” Emily said. “Or at least, if I did, I’d forgotten about it.”

She glanced towards the sky, it was already dark. Angry clouds swindled above them.

“Maybe later you can tell us more? It's getting dark…” Emily trailed off, she wasn't really sure she wanted him to leave. It was all very interesting.

“I would be glad to answer any of your questions, people have many misconceptions about the Fade, and I jump at the chance to clear them," Solas' face hardened slightly. "But I'm afraid I must depart.” Ah yes, he had a job to do, people to see, that sort of thing.

“Panosa, it's best you go to bed." Emily said. "Then we can help out bright and early tomorrow, ok?” Assuming the world hadn’t been swallowed by then. The threat seemed to suddenly increase without Solas’ information as a distraction.

Panosa pouted and reluctantly crawled into Threnn’s tent, who had graciously offered it up for them to share. Threnn had not yet returned.

Panosa waved to Solas before disappearing behind the flaps.

After he was sure she wasn't coming back out, Solas leaned forward to Emily.

“I must thank you, you have shown her a great kindness in her time of need.” Emily flushed slightly, now having that been told that a second time. Both by possibly important people.

“Oh, I just did what anybody would do really…” she mumbled.

“No,” Solas shook his head. “Very few would help out an elf the way you have. Which is why I must sincerely express my gratitude.”

Sadness filled Emily. Why did they have it so bad? Was she mean to elves before too? Before she lost her memory? Solas stood up, ready to take his leave.

“I must now report to Cassandra,” Solas gave her a curt nod. "Rest well."

Emily watched him leave. He walked a short distance and entered the Chantry. She sat alone in the dark for a good while, watching the clouds swirl and break around the breach. She shivered. It cracked frequently, and fighting could be heard in the distance. Everyone was out their risking their lives and trying their best. She decided that she couldn't help anyone if she was too tired, and would try to sleep.

She lied in the makeshift bed, curling up beside Panosa, who was already sound asleep, and an overwhelming urge to protect the little elven girl surged through Emily. She pulled a blanket around them and whispered a promise to look over her no matter what. Feeling suddenly exhausted from all her running around, Emily gently drifted asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, most of this was written on my phone (at work), so any weird capitalisation or spacing can be attributed to that,,, I fixed most of them but my friend pointed out to me that I missed a few in the last chapter (which I haven't fixed bc i am lazy af) so just.. yeah. It keeps capitalising "Mage" especially haha. It's a proper noun now I guess.
> 
> Writing this was a bit difficult because I've never written Solas before and I really wanted to nail down his character. I hope I got close! Befriending a little elven girl would surely get anyone to soften, right?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency: Once a week. 
> 
> I'm actually moving to a new city next Saturday though, and I barely managed to finish this chapter in time haha. They irony is I have half the next chapter written, just my editing process takes forever! 
> 
> Anyways, hopefully it will be up BEFORE Saturday, cause I don't know my internet situation yet upon arrival. 
> 
> If it's late, please forgive me, it likely has everything to do with the internet.

Emily awoke in the middle of the night to a sob. Uncertain as to where she was for a moment, she shifted around, attempting to see.

She suddenly became aware of the little girl lying beside her. She jolted with realization.

Panosa was crying.

“Hey hey, it's ok, it's ok…” Emily smoothed down Panosa’s hair, which she noted really needed to be brushed. “Everything is going to be alright..”

Panosa sobbed into Emily's front.

“Demons were talking to me in my sleep,” she choked out. “They keep telling me my mother is looking for me… But I know they’re wrong.”

Emily realized what was happening, she was having nightmares because of all the demons Solas had talked about. Also the breach in the sky was doing no good either. And she missed her parents. Everything really. It wasn't fair to blame Solas. She mentally berated herself for assuming that so quickly.

“Shh, it's gonna be ok, I'm here for you now, and Threnn, and Solas,” she pulled Panosa back and gently wiped away her tears. “You don't let those demons tell you how to feel, okay?”

Panosa nodded. Emily vaguely wondered how the fade and dreaming really worked, Solas said you went there in your sleep, but he hadn't really elaborated on that bit.

Well, dreams were pretty harmless.

Panosa calmed down a bit.

“I miss my mae,” she whispered. “The demon said they could bring her back…”

“Nobody can come back..” Emily said sadly, knowing that that wasn't what the little girl wanted to hear. “But we can keep moving forward. Your mae would want you to be strong.”

Panosa sniffed and nodded, then started to cry again. For somebody so young to have a tangible understanding of what death was… It was heartbreaking to watch.

Panosa eventually cried herself back to sleep, but Emily found herself restless. She decided to get up, especially since Threnn still had not returned to the tent from what she could tell. She had no idea what time it was.

She stepped outside and noted that there was candle light flickering in the window of the cabin with the prisoner. However, there were guards stationed outside the doors, so she decided it was best to avoid the place despite her curiosity. She wondered if Solas was still awake in there, or if it was Adan.

Instead she found herself at the entrance of the town. There were many people milling about, despite the time. Here she found Threnn, who was talking with the commander. Emily considered leaving them alone, but Threnn saw her and waved her over, so she was sort of obligated to go.

“Couldn't sleep?” she asked. Emily nodded, acutely aware of the commander. Damn, that armour really made him look attractive. She tried not to look.

“No worries, don't think I could sleep either. Surprised you slept this long, to be honest. Sun will be coming up soon.” Threnn sounded wide awake despite how tired she must have been. Emily felt guilty for getting any sleep, while the others were out here working hard.

“If you're looking for work,” the commander looked at her. “We have wounds from soldiers that need attention.”

Although the prospect of wounded people was not appealing, Emily nodded. Best not go against the commander, and not like she was doing anything else. She secretly also wanted to impress him.

“Show me what to do and I'll try my best.”

\--

The soldiers wounds varied from simple cuts to extreme burns. Those were the worst. The most Emily could do was gently wrap them in elfroot and hope the one Mage healer that was not Solas (who apparently WAS somehow asleep, bless him) could get to them soon. Most of them were scared, having fought demons for the first time. The commander, when he was there, was surprisingly good at comforting and rallying the soldiers. Emily tried to talk to them and make them feel better, but her knowledge of the Maker was exceedingly low and she found the chantry sisters who she was with were much better at consoling the wounded.

The work distracted from the fact that the number of men they had were dwindling. There were a number of them that didn't make it. They were taken to the chantry to be burned. ‘To protect from possession’, apparently. Demons could possess dead bodies? With the rift open, nobody seemed willing to talk to Emily about that, saying that it would probably curse them. She didn't push.

It wasn't til the sun was up and it was early morning before she decided to check on Panosa. She had been so busy.

She got to the tent and noted that somebody had started a fire outside. Threnn? It burned low, mostly embers, but it was warm enough to melt the snow around it.

She wasn't sure of the time, maybe it was 7 am. She couldn't seem to recall how she'd previously kept time. She was sure it was easier than guessing. Nobody else seemed to have her problem. She was too embarrassed to ask.

Emily had another problem too, Threnn had casually explained to her the washroom situation. It was gross. You had to do your business in specially designated buckets, in little outhouses (which smelled atrocious), that were then dumped farther off. In some areas, it was apparently used in the farm fields as a fertilizer. Not in Haven though, too much snow this time of year. They also weren't dumped as often as they should have been, probably. Emily certainly was not going to volunteer to do it. It made her want to hurl. She was glad nobody had asked her to do it yet. She hated it in there, but unfortunately she couldn't not use it. So she dealt.

It was not sanitary. Though with the current conditions, she could hardly complain. Maybe later she would attempt to rectify the situation. If there was a later. And if she knew how. Apparently Orlais had some better system in place, one of the men had been talking about it, how he’d seen it when he’d once visited. He’d said Ferelden should adopt the practices. Emily had silently agreed.

In the tent, she found Threnn, and a sleepy, but awake, Panosa.

She was relieved that Panosa looked much better than she had in the middle of the night. Emily hadn't told Threnn of the nightmare, no need really, she was sure it wouldn't shock her to hear that a child had a nightmare. Especially considering the happenings right then.

Threnn met with another woman, who introduced herself as Gale, to prepare a massive ram to cook over the fire. Caught just that morning by some of the soldiers apparently. They were going to distribute it as best they could among everyone, one ram was barely enough, but they had to make do. Everyone was likely to understand.

Panosa and Emily were tasked with finding any herbs they could for the day. The supplies were running low and herbs such as elfroot were essential.

They were assigned two soldiers and told to look around the area just outside the town, not too far.

Norwell had volunteered to protect them, along with a man named Ryland. They were apparently close friends. Emily was relieved to see that Norwell was still alive, though he seemed slightly less chipper than before. He confessed to her he hadn't slept for a long while. She felt guilty again for getting sleep.

With two baskets at the ready, they went searching for herbs. Emily was familiar enough with using elfroot to know what to look for. Ryland commented on the abundance of iron in the area and surmised it might be in their interest to get some later on if they survived. The weight of the words “if they survived” hung over the entire group.

It was surprisingly uneventful, save for when a rock flew down and crashed not five feet from them. Nobody was hurt, but they paid more attention to the sky after that. No demons, at least.

Emily's fingers were so cold they felt as though they might fall off. She was sure she had frostbite from digging through the snow for herbs, even with gloves on. The plant grew even in the cold, snowy conditions. It was quite resilient. Unfortunately, snow often covered it, and you had to do some digging to even get to the stuff. Panosa stopped digging earlier and instead gently kicked snow away. Eventually she stopped altogether because of the cold and instead let Emily do the digging, but she still helped harvest the leaves once they found a plant.

Unfortunately, most of the herbs from around the town had been picked. They came back with baskets only half full, fingers red, and Panosa complained her ears were cold even with her hat on. Norwell said elf ears were more sensitive than human ears, though Emily wasn't sure if that was a stereotype or not. Children's ears got cold faster than adults ears did, too.

Gale, who had been collecting herbs the day before, didn't seem surprised at their lack of success. Though they grew quickly, their need for elfroot far surpassed what Haven could supply. Add on the demons that prevented anyone from venturing too far into the mountains and you have a real problem.

They started to boil down what they had when there was a sudden screech from outside Haven. An inhuman, terrifying screech. A demon.

Threnn jumped to her feet, with Emily and Gale following suit (though Emily was hesitant), and they ran towards where the sound was coming from. Panosa trailed behind, though Emily attempted to tell her to go back.

She wished she’d stayed with Panosa at the tent when she saw what caused the commotion. It took all her courage not to turn back and run straight into the chantry to hide.

“An abomination!” somebody had shouted. Emily didn't know who, she was too focused on the horrifying thing that stood at the walls of the village.

Broiled skin and red flames flickered from the body of the demon, the abomination? Emily didn't know what that was. A type of demon maybe?

The ground around it was scorched black, and nearby there was the charred remains of what looked like a person. She felt bile raising in her throat. How did it get so close?

“Stay back!” Threnn shouted, pushing Emily back and drawing her sword. Soldiers were running both towards and away from the horrifying creature.

Emily noted that a lot of the ones who stayed all had the fuller, knight like armour. It clicked then that those must have been the Templars. Norwell was there, his sword at the ready, his face stern. Emily didn't see Ryland. The Templars, though low in number, surrounded the demon.

Panosa was suddenly at her legs. Glad to have a reason to back up, Emily attempted to herd the shaking girl back towards their tent, or somewhere where she wouldn't see. Emily wanted to scrub her own eyes out, images of bubbling black skin were burned into her mind.

The creature let out another shriek. Flame exploded from behind her, knocking the soldiers back. The heat was intense, a clear contrast to the freezing cold that was Haven. Emily saw Solas emerge from the cabin with the prisoner. He seemed all too calm considering the situation at hand. Maybe he didn’t realize?

“An abomination,” Emily managed to gasp at him, fear constricting her throat. “Solas..”

She wanted to tell him to stay back, but he seemed to take it differently. He nodded solemnly to her and continued towards the conflict. Panosa started to cry, and Emily held her back from going after Solas. They ended up seated on the snowy ground, just barely a safe distance from everything.

The soldiers were being pushed back by intense flame, the commander was nowhere to be seen, likely up the mountain. The Templars seemed like they needed him to rally them forwards.

From the chantry, Emily saw Cassandra running towards the abomination also.

Turns out, she didn't need to interfere. A blast of cold air came from seemingly nowhere, freezing the abomination completely solid. Frost built up on Emily's hair and clothes from the blast.

The abomination shattered then, the threat over.

Solas stood alone, his arm still extended with his staff forward, it sparkled in the light. Everyone turned to stare at him, fearful. The Templars faced him with their swords still drawn, attempting to determine if he was a threat or not. Solas didn't move. The air stilled as everyone engaged in a silent staring contest.

“That's enough!” came Cassandra’s voice, carrying easily across the silence. “Stand down, he is not a threat.”

Hesitantly, the men sheathed their swords. The aggression in the air dissipated slightly. Some put their swords down but still held them tightly, a lifeline.

“Demons are falling from the sky and we can't even pretend we are safe from mages! What if you all turn into demons?” A man jeered at Solas, he wasn't a Templar.

“And what about you?” cried another, also towards Solas. “How do we know you're not going to turn into an abomination?!”

A few shouts from others followed. Cassandra frowned at the crowd. Solas made a face of disgust. Emily was horrified. That was a person before? Not just corpses but an actual, living person? They turned into that?

“I wouldn't have been able to defeat the abomination so easily had the Templars not weakened it with their powers.” Emily wondered if Solas was telling the truth, or simply trying to defend himself. She hadn't seen a Templar attack the demon once. But maybe they didn't have to.

“The power of an abomination is dependent on the power of the demon that possessed the mage,” he growled. “And not the power of the mage themselves. Likewise, a more powerful mage is unlikely to become possessed.”

He swiftly turned on his heel, disgusted, and began to walk back towards the cabin. Cassandra shouted for people to go back to their previous commitments, then attempted to run after him. Neither expected little Panosa to run up and hug Solas’s leg.

“I thought you were going to leave me too..!” she cried. Solas seemed taken aback at her affection. He stared down at her for a moment.

“Tell me, were your parents mages?” he asked Panosa, who still looked wide eyed.

She nodded carefully. They were.

“I see…” Solas said slowly. “Please go back to your tent for now, I promise that I am alright.”

Panosa reluctantly backed off with an ‘okay’ and a wave to Emily, running back to Threnn’s tent. So obedient.

Emily regarded Solas carefully, who stared back at her.

“She wasn't surprised nor frightened at my use of magic.” he explained carefully. “I presumed that meant that someone close to her was a mage. It seems I was correct.”

“Ohh…” Emily said thoughtfully. “That makes a lot of sense.” Suddenly something occured to her. Was being a Mage hereditary? How did that work?

“You were also rather unfettered by my use of magic,” Solas said, almost accusingly. But there was something in his eyes. “Perhaps you knew mages too?”

Emily thought hard for a second. Did she know mages? Was she a Mage? ...no, they had mentioned when she was rescued that she had no magical ability. Her friends?

_Come back before it gets too dark, okay?_

The memory faded just as quickly as it had come.

“Honestly,” she said after a moment, aware that the Seeker Cassandra was just within earshot, waiting. “I… even though the display was frightening, it was kinda cool.”

She finished the last part in a whisper. Solas said nothing, simply stared at her, his face giving nothing away. Cassandra raised a brow behind him, but also stayed silent. Was it bad to say that a mage was cool?

“Uh,” realising the awkwardness of the situation, Emily became flustered. “I think.. Seeker Pentagahst wants to talk with you!” She blurted out. Anything to get out of the situation. “..and I should check on Panosa! Make sure she’s okay!”  
  
And she scurried off.

Cassandra walked up beside Solas.

“She's a curious sort,” Solas remarked to her.

“Indeed.” she said, regarding him carefully, he stayed facing forward. “Solas.”

He turned to look at her silently.

“They might be frightened now, but I recognise everything you have been doing.” Cassandra nodded with resolution. “Their hatred is misplaced. I believe you have the best intentions in mind. Eventually they will see what you have done for them.”

“Being both a mage and an elf, Seeker, their hatred towards me is second nature.” Solas said coldly. “No matter how redeeming the action, they will always find a reason to hate and fear us.”

“Nevertheless,” Cassandra stopped him from walking away. “It is only because of you that our prisoner has survived through the night. Without your expertise, all would have been lost.”

Solas said nothing, but a small, undetectable trace of pride lay beneath the surface.

“Thank you Solas. I respect you.” said the Seeker, her features softening.

“I pray that it is enough,” Solas said, before walking away.

Cassandra was left standing alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. I think I can finally start speeding things up now. Four chapters in and barely a day has gone by haha,,, this set up is nearly done though! Then we can start to get to some more fun stuff. Also I promise Cullen will appear more, so if you're waiting for him, fear not.
> 
> Emily is just a very confused soul at the moment. She'll get there. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has been reading and leaving kudos! It means a lot!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency: Once a week. 
> 
> This is a longer chapter, so sorry for taking longer this time! Have the extra words as an apology! It's almost 6000~

That night was much more restless than the last. The breach had expanded enough that it lit up the sky as if it were nearly daylight. Rocks plummeted down at an increased rate. The world really felt as if it were ending. Maybe it was.

People still pushed on. They had managed to set up a forward camp halfway up the mountain. The path on the way to the temple further than that was becoming increasingly dangerous.

Soldiers came down from the newly established camp just to sleep and speak with the chantry sisters. Others came to collect or deliver supplies. Men were injured up there too.

A few soldiers didn’t make it through the night. Four men and a woman were sent up to the chantry to be burned. Emily watched them sadly. If they’d had more elfroot, they might have lived.

“It’s a bit depressing, huh kid?” came a voice from behind Emily.

She turned around to find… well, a very short man. He was adjusting his gloves, which somehow matched his regal red attire. Despite the cold, he had opted to leave said attire wide open.

“You look like you’ve never seen a dwarf before,” he commented, with a smile.

A dwarf? Emily realized. Wasn’t that a medical condition? Or wait, was it like the elves?

_Why didn’t she know this?_

“Oh!” she stuttered out. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. I was just surprised is all.”

He just chuckled.

“My name’s Varric.” he introduced himself with confidence.

“I’m Emily, it’s..” she paused. “Nice to meet you.” In honesty, it was. He was the first person who seemed completely at ease with addressing the whole situation. Or at least wanted to joke about it. She appreciated his mood.

“I’ve been watching you run around all evening.” Varric said. “If the Seeker wasn’t looking for me right now, I’d ask you to take a drink with me.”

“The Seeker is looking for you?” Emily asked him, confused. “Why?”

“We aren’t on friendly terms right now,” he replied easily, though offered nothing else. “But you definitely need a drink. You're going to grow a grey hair with how much you've been running around here.”

Emily didn't really know what to say.

“VARRIC!” came a loud shout from inside the chantry. An angry shout.

“There she is,” Varric chuckled at Emily’s expression. She'd never seen the seeker lose her composure. “I think she secretly likes me, don't worry.”

Another shout came and Cassandra emerged from the chantry, spotting Emily and Varric.

“Well, can’t stick around unfortunately. Don’t stress too much, doesn’t help anyone…”

When Emily turned back to Varric, he was gone.

Cassandra came up to her, a troubled expression on her face.

“I hope he didn't bother you. He's not supposed to leave the chantry.”

She sighed. Emily noticed then just how sad and tired she looked. She always seemed so fiery, it hadn't occurred to her that she would be feeling the death of the Divine just as much as everyone else.

“I heard it was you who found me on the mountain,” Emily said to her. “Thank you for rescuing me, I know it must be hard, you have a lot of responsibilities. But… I do appreciate it.”

Threnn had told her a bit about the left and right hands of the Divine, of which Cassandra was one. It seemed a huge weight to bare right then.

Cassandra took in Emily.

“Ah, you were one of the people we found on the mountain? I'm glad to see you are alright, I heard a few of the others were less fortunate.”

Emily nodded, she'd never seen any of the other people who had apparently been rescued. Just that one had died. Probably more, she had basically ignored Adan after getting a potion from him, didn't bother to ask him questions. 

“I actually still don't have my memories,” Emily added on softly. “But I'm doing all I can.. since…” she trailed off.

“I wish I could have few memories as well,” Cassandra said, staring at the breach. “The Divine’s death was… a shock I was not prepared for.”

“You're not the first person who's told me that,” Emily forced a smile. “But it will help you get stronger, right?”

Cassandra stared at her a moment.

“Yes.. I suppose you're right,” she steeled her gaze. “I know and remember who I am fighting for, and I hope to right this injustice.”

A moment of silence passed as they both watched the breach.

“I must check on Solas and our prisoner.” Cassandra finally said. Then - with desperation. “He must wake soon.”

She nodded to Emily, and was on her way, Varric long forgotten.

Emily was more at ease after that conversation. Somebody knew what they were doing. Cassandra’s vulnerability made her a better person to look up to in Emily's eyes.

She even managed to fall asleep for a few hours after that, to which she sent a silent thanks to Varric, since it was because of him that she had gotten to speak with Cassandra. However, she was plagued with nightmares and swore that every sound was an abomination waiting to char them all to a crisp in the night. She couldn’t escape the feeling of the heat on her back and it's terrifying screech… And it didn’t help that some things that decided to throw themselves out of the sky _were_ on fire.

Though, the next day felt much the same as the last. Without the drama of an abomination appearing.

Panosa had managed to sleep through the night, and woke up bright and early. She said she’d slept much better, which was good for her. Emily was tired but glad she’d managed something. It made a huge difference.

One of the main support bridges had collapsed while she was asleep. By a stroke of luck, it wasn’t where they had decided to put their camp. It was one of the bridges that led to an outside road from Haven, apparently. Not the one to the temple. Nobody was really leaving anyways, they all felt a small civil responsibility to help out.

They searched for more elfroot that morning too, joined by Gale, who said she knew the best spots, or used to. Norwell was up at the forward camp, however they were still joined by Ryland, but Ryland alone.

His shoulder had been injured and was bandaged up. Emily tried not to look. Despite everything he was trying to remain in good spirits. He was ordered to recuperate in Haven for a bit, but was upset since they needed all the help they could get up on the mountain. He didn’t sound as at ease as Varric had, but he still tried to make light of the situation. Talking about when it was all over they would laugh at it all.

Gale asked how it was further up, and Ryland told them that demons kept coming in endless hoards. He assured them that every possible gate was closed and guarded so that no demons could pass through.

It left the unspoken possibility of a rift opening closer to their vicinity.

Emily shivered, and returned to her search for elfroot, hoping it would distract her. It didn’t. She felt the ghost of the heat on her back again.

Despite all their efforts and frozen hands though, they barely managed to fill half a basket. It was only just enough to treat ten people. That and their bandage supply was getting fretfully low.

Those soldiers with less severe injuries just had to deal with it, many of them simply resting for a while before heading back up the mountain. Haven was just a bit safer than the forward camp. Thought likely not for long.

Emily hoped their wounds wouldn’t become infected. The last thing they needed were soldiers with swollen, infected legs trying to fend off demons. Or more men to burn in the chantry. Yikes.

Their mage healer was exhausted. His name was Dwyte, Emily wanted to talk to him to find out more about what he did. He was too busy though, and she definitely didn’t let Panosa bother him, despite their interest in his magic. A few times though, Emily brought him over some water and told him that his work was doing good. He always smiled appreciatively at her. He looked increasingly thinner. Emily feared for his life. He seemed like he had also been affected by the abomination incident. Fewer people wanted to see him, despite how much he would have been able to help them.

It was probably better for his own health though. Using magic looked tiring. If only they didn't treat him so badly. Emily felt useless. She couldn't change their minds.

It was around midday that Emily dared to glance at the sky again. The hole was growing only larger. What was once just a small (yet still terrifying) gape in the sky was now a much larger, and much more menacing entity.

She noted that the clouds were less puffy today than they had been previously. They were thinner, more spread out, though still being drawn into the centre of the breach, as they had been before. Though the sky was still dark and angry looking despite the time of day. They were stratocumulus clouds, she suddenly realized. She noted as such to Panosa.

“I think I liked to study the weather,” Emily told her, and proceeded to teach her the different types of clouds as best she could without a reference. It was relaxing.

Panosa said that she was glad she could remember that. She said she really liked plants now, just like how Emily liked weather. Elfroot was fun. She hoped to continue with them later.

“I used to help Mae out making Elfroot potions,” Panosa said, using a small branch to draw swirls in the snow. “We gave them to people and they would give us their coins for it.”

She also talked about how they had to move houses a lot. Emily wasn’t surprised, not since finding out that her parents were mages. It sounded like Panosa’s family was very poor. And they clearly did some… questionable… things.

“Once,” Panosa told her. She really got on a roll when she got talking. Her snow swirls looked so intricate. She was very artistic. “I had to climb through a window, really quiet, and get this small statue thing from a shem. Mae said that they took it from us, so we had to take it back, it was shiny.”

Emily had to ask her what a shem was. Apparently it meant human. She put the rest together, apparently Panosa had fairly deft hands. Pretty sure that statue really wasn’t theirs.

Not like she could really judge a child for stealing though, not like she knew what she was doing. No wonder she was so obedient, her parents likely made sure she didn’t make any mistakes if they asked her to help out. And she was a helpful child.

As the sun began to set (not that the sky was any darker because of it) they helped clean and cook another ram, and dried some of the meat for later. It had taken the soldiers a longer time to hunt one. The demons were scaring them all away, and there were fewer soldiers than before.

They were attempting to corral everyone into picking up some sort of weapon. The people who hunted the ram were less experienced, which probably attributed to the length of time it took to get it.

Threnn even taught Emily and Panosa how to wield knives (mainly because they were out of swords). Panosa was frighteningly good at it, though she claimed she’d never used them before. Natural talent? Emily wondered.

She didn’t see Solas all day, though she imagined that he was with the prisoner. Lady Cassandra and another woman - apparently the left hand of the Divine - kept going in and out. Adan was in there a bit too, but frequently came out to oversee the potion making and what not. He said he was an alchemist and therefore he was an expert. Though honestly, after watching it for a while, Emily felt like she would have been able to make the potions just as well as Adan could. It’s not like you had to do much.

She wouldn’t ruin it by accident though, they were far too low on supplies to be messing around with the potions right then.

Emily spent most of the evening boiling water to be used for both cleaning wounds and drinking. The snow could be boiled down, along with ice from the lake that was just outside Haven. She and Panosa also gave out the water to people and collected empty waterskins. Sometimes a runner would come down for more. Emily ended up giving them a pot to use instead, less running for them, and they had a fire going up there anyways.

People were warming up to Panosa a lot more. Though some of them referred to her as a slave. If Panosa heard the comments, she made no indication that it bothered her, but it bothered Emily. A slave? She was like, eight. Besides who even had slaves anymore? She quietly directed Panosa _away_  from those people.

Otherwise, she still saw people praying. A woman sobbed and said that if the Divine hadn’t perished, she would have been able to lead them to salvation.

One chantry man had started to outcry that the world was ending, that they would all have to succumb to demons. The breach would never close and they were all doomed without a Divine.

Needless to say, he really brought down morale.

He was apparently named Roderick. Chancellor Roderick, his title had some weight, though not much considering he hadn't been on the mountain when it exploded. He argued with the commander about making proper plans to elect a new Divine. The stressed commander literally threw his arms in the air and said “Fine!”.

Roderick had scoffed at his “attitude”, but some soldiers did actually escort him up the mountain, to the forward camp where he hoped to be useful. Emily wondered if the commander secretly hoped a demon would take him out on the way. She certainly did.  
  
“He seems to think he’s in charge now,” Commander Cullen scoffed beside Emily, who had witnessed the whole ordeal, still holding a handful of waterskins. “He doesn’t see his effect on others though.”

Emily nodded. “That’s not a good leader,” she said.

Cullen agreed with her then gently took a waterskin from her with a small ‘thanks’, and was on his way. She tried not to look at his figure as he walked off. She failed. Panosa giggled behind her, stupid kid was too observant for her age.  
  
That night, Emily still couldn’t sleep. She sat up, chatting idly with Threnn. Panosa slept quietly in her lap, not wanting to be alone in the tent.

Emily told her about the cloud names, and Threnn mentioned she’d never heard of them being named before.

She didn’t study clouds though, so that was probably why. Threnn said that it was interesting, but Emily could tell that she didn’t really seem to care about it at all, she dropped the subject.

Instead she mentioned how much the abomination had scared her. Threnn took a bit of pity on her there.

“They never really leave your mind,” she explained. “You just have to learn to deal with it.”

She told Emily about how she fought for a man named Loghain in the Blight. How he was a hero to her.

Threnn almost killed herself laughing when Emily told her she hadn’t the slightest clue as to what a Blight was. She only stopped because Panosa shifted in her sleep, then quietly explained the Blight to Emily.

After finding out, she wasn’t sure why Threnn had laughed. She felt stupid once again. If only she could remember this stuff on her own. She was frustrated. She was too old to feel this lost. If she was Panosa’s age, it was okay, but she was well into her twenties, she shouldn’t be needing endless explanations.

Threnn told her how terrible fighting darkspawn had made her feel at first. She didn’t sleep for weeks. Emily felt a bit better knowing that. She wasn’t the only one affected, just was less accustomed to it. Or maybe she just didn’t remember. She felt like it was the former.

Threnn was just about ready to head to bed for basically the first time in two days, when soldiers came by, dragging a half conscious prisoner with them. His hand sparked green with every thunderous cry of the breach, as if they were connected, and he cried out even in his delirious state. The skin on his hand almost looked as if it were bubbling, and for an awful moment, she wondered if he too, was an abomination.  
  
The woman in purple followed closely behind them as they entered the chantry.

Cassandra and Solas came to a stop just outside the doors. They were just within eavesdropping distance of Threnn and Emily, who of course, were eavesdropping.

“It grows with every expansion of the breach…” Solas was gently saying to Cassandra. “I’ve done all I can to suppress it, but unless something is done, your prisoner is likely to die.”

“I understand, Solas,” she nodded, her face hard. “Thank you.”

The Breach cracked in the sky once again, louder this time. Panosa jumped awake.

Solas looked at Cassandra “I will head up the mountain then, in just a moment. I trust I will meet you there.”

Cassandra nodded to him. “Very well. I will try to meet you with our prisoner, once they... understand the situation,” her silent threat towards him did not go undetected. But nobody was arguing. “Your level-headed decisions are appreciated, Solas.”

Emily had to agree, while most people were scared or anxious, very few people had taken charge. And even then, they had often done so out of necessity and fear. Solas seemed almost _too_ calm in all this.

Cassandra nodded, then steeled herself and fiercely entered the chantry. The Divine's death was hard on her.

Solas noticed them then, and Panosa lit up as he walked over to them.

“Are you done your work, ser Solas?” she asked him.

“I must continue to fight on the mountain,” he said. “Sadly, there is more work that must be done.”

Panosa sniffled. “Don't die..” she whispered to Solas.

He crouched down in front of her. “It would take more than this for me to die, da’len,” he said, face softening.

“Yeah, he’s pretty tough y’know,” Varric had snuck up from behind them and decided to join in on the conversation.

“Varric!” exclaimed Emily. Solas did not seem surprised to see him. They were obviously acquainted.

“You wish to accompany me?” he asked, though he seemed to already know the answer.

“Yup, it's time to get rid of all sorts of demons,” Varric replied. It was then that Emily noticed he had a crossbow with him. Did he have that before?

The Divine’s left hand approached them from the Chantry.

“Leliana,” Solas said, nodding in greeting. She nodded back, face blank. They could make a great pair with how stony their faces usually were.

“Varric, if you wish to go, I suggest you leave before Seeker Cassandra arrives with our _other_ prisoner.”

She had a small smile on her face as she said that, then continued on her way, a few scouts running up to join her. Varric was a prisoner too? No wonder Cassandra had chased after him so intensely before. 

“We must depart.” said Solas. “I will see you again when the breach has sealed.”

He looked at Emily and nodded. She understood, and nodded back. Though there was very little she could do, she could help by calming people here, much like the chantry sisters. She could help Panosa, even if he didn't come back. She wanted him to come back.

Emily felt empty as she watched him leave, people glancing wearily in his direction. They had been avoiding him ever since he had taken out the demon the day prior. Their fear of magic was stronger than their gratitude. She took a deep breath.

The commander ordered groups out, warning to avoid the mountain path, and to hold the town of Haven in safety. Then he departed in front of his troops. The demons were getting stronger. They had to defend Haven no matter what.

It was only a few minutes before Cassandra emerged from the chantry. With her she pulled along the prisoner. He seemed to be shocked at the state of the sky.

People nearby jeered and glared at him. Cassandra was saying something to him, her face scrunched in disgust. They walked through the camp, slowly heading towards the breach.

“Will he fix the sky?” asked Panosa. Emily regarded her carefully. Would he?  
  
“We certainly hope he will.” Threnn replied. “Now dear..”

Threnn gave them both some leather armour, and made sure they both knew how to properly hold their knives.

Shortly after, orders came for everyone to charge up the mountain. Everyone. It was particularly emphasized.

“Now, this would only barely be ok against bandits, but demons…” Threnn trailed off, staring at Panosa. “Try not to get hit at all, ok?” Panosa nodded, eyes wide.

“We’ll stay as far back as we can.” Emily tried to reassure them. “Only fighting for defense.”

And they were off.

\--

Honestly, with the whole of Haven fighting, it wasn’t as bad as she’d thought it would be.

Emily lost track of Threnn right away, but she held tightly onto Panosa’s hand. Most people were okay with them staying back. There were no other children, either they had all died or weren’t brought to the conclave at all. It was unnerving.

She saw more elves than she’d ever seen around before. One, a mage named Minaeve, stayed back with them. She said her magic wasn’t very good. Emily was thankful for the small support either way. They saw Adan throwing various potions and what not towards demons, which always exploded. One let loose what looked like an angry swarm of bees. Adan looked rather pleased with himself.

It turns out, demons were no less terrifying than usual even with almost twenty people surrounding one at a time. Their cries alone would get under your skin and make your hands shake. Nobody turned into an abomination though, and Emily considered that a victory.

As a group, with the most proficient fighters leading, they pushed their way up the hillside. Emily didn’t need to make use of her knife at all. She stayed near the back, helping people who fell up, bandaging burns (there were a lot of burns) and all around just trying to be helpful. Panosa helped her in little ways, pointing out people she saw fall down (which happened a lot, since the snow was rather slippery), holding bandages, all that sort of thing. Minaeve spent a lot of her time identifying demons for them. She seemed less frightened when she was talking, so Emily decided it was fine. It also distracted Panosa, who seemed intrigued.

After an extremely short while, perhaps a half hour, they had managed to cleave their way up the mountain. Emily didn’t see anyone she knew. She tried her best to ignore the dead and charred bodies lying in the snow on their way up. The whole mountain smelled of smoke.

They had barely made it to where they needed before a scout came up to them and told them to get back down the mountain. Emily was glad because the sight of frozen bodies that had obviously been caught in the explosion, still in positions of screaming pain… She wasn’t prepared to see that, and turned Panosa right around.

Everyone in Haven knew how lucky they were to avoid that particular fate. And if all panned out, they would avoid another particularly gruesome fate, death by demons.

They were going to attempt to close the breach, which would bring demons, _yay_. Most people who could would stay and fight, but the injured (along with Emily, Minaeve and Panosa) were ordered to head back down while the way was clear, and hope for the best. 

The walk down the mountain took no time at all, compared to the fight up.

They had barely just gotten into the walls of the village when suddenly, there was a loud crack in the sky. Panosa jumped nearly three feet in the air. Everyone’s eyes were trained upward. They watched as the huge hole that plagued the sky softened. The rocks that had been catapulting themselves from the breach ceased, the air calmed, and the clouds stopped their vicious swirling.

There was pure silence for the first time in two days - then cheering. Panosa jumped up and down while holding onto Emily’s hand. Threnn threw a relieved smile to them. Everyone was clapping.

A woman rushed over and gave them hugs.

“It was Andraste! I’m sure of it!” she exclaimed. “Andraste’s herald, sent here to save us all!”

The woman ran off excitedly, people seemed to be continuing her line of thought. Clearly she was basing it off the rumour that they had seen a woman in the breach behind the prisoner.

“The Herald of Andraste, huh?” Threnn nodded. She explained to both Emily and Panosa about Andraste, and how she was the Maker’s wife. They thought at first it was a demon, now suddenly it was the Maker’s bride? People were very strange.

It occured to Emily then that she couldn’t seem to recall anyone ever referring to a Maker. She knew, of course, who he was. Threnn had told her previously and it was obvious it was worshipped…. But she was sure that never before had she heard anyone refer to God as the “Maker”. When she brought it up, Threnn looked confused, everyone definitely referred to them as the Maker. Panosa piped up and said there were elven gods, and maybe she was remembering them. Emily stayed silent, as not to hurt Panosa. She was remembering just the one God, not many gods. So, that wasn’t quite correct either.

She also didn’t mention that she felt she was non-religious. Like she didn’t believe in the Maker or the gods at all. She felt that would be a surprise to everyone here. They were clearly an important thing, everything was about praying and there were demons, like, real demons. Emily felt like she didn’t quite belong. Like this was a weird dream.

She just wished she could get her memory back, and maybe stop thinking about the abomination incident for an hour.

In a short time, the entirety of the people who were up fighting had come down in good spirits. Unfortunately, the hero of the moment, the Herald, had fallen unconscious after closing the rift.

He was brought to the cabin he was in previously, where Adan fussed over him for a time, then let him be. 

Somehow the woman who had talked about Andraste managed to spread her belief. Throughout the entirety of the village, everyone whispered about the Herald of Andraste. Emily found herself wanting to be a part of it all. So she pretended as best she could.

They danced that night, gleefully around the fire.

The rift was still in the air, rocks still hovering precariously, but no longer was it growing any larger, and according to Solas, the Herald’s mark also stopped growing, which meant he was to live.

In the next days, many things happened.

The chantry clerics who were in Haven caused a bit of a divide. Chancellor Roderick had managed to convince about one third of them that the Chantry would never recognize the Herald. Clearly the victory of closing the breach meant nothing to him.

The others seemed weary, but refused to side with him. He kept calling out, even as people ignored him, that the chantry would never support waht happened there, and they were turning from the Maker.

It was all bullshit, of course. Everyone had witness what the Herald did. And the ones that hadn’t found out, with great detail, about the battle that took place at the first rift. How they fought the Pride demon with vigilance, using the place it originated from against itself. Apparently he had some control over the rifts. 

But still, Roderick's words did manage to worm their way in and plant small seeds of doubt in people’s heads, doubts that were pushed down. And though people weren’t quite ready to address them, there were many problems at hand.

The lack of bandages, for one. They were incredibly low, and people hadn’t quite come out of the battle unscathed. Nobody had yet died, but you could only boil blood out of bandages so many times before they were unusable. Their stock was incredibly low.

Also, Emily found out why people thought Panosa was a slave. Apparently there _were_ slaves here. Only a few, but they were **all elves**. Solas had scoffed and tried to talk to them, but it seemed to be the only thing they knew, he couldn't convince them that they didn't need to be a slave, much to his distaste.

Solas seemed to be the only one not in a particularly celebratory mood. While he wasn’t in a bad mood, it just seemed... less than the others.

Emily found out it was because he didn’t enjoy the fact that they had given the Herald such a redeeming title. Or something like that. So much had happened, but Solas had spent the most time with the Herald.

He didn’t seem like he disliked the man, but simply did not trust him.

Much like how everyone around seemed to not trust Solas. Emily did though, but he was much more guarded, even with Panosa. He kept excusing himself to go check on the Herald and disappear to who knows where.

She saw him talking to another elf once, but when she tried to wave, the other elf scurried off, afraid to be seen with him.

Panosa picked up on their animosity towards him too. She seemed uncomfortable, because he also tried to avoid her, likely to separate her and him from their hatred. And her nightmares didn’t stop either, frequently she woke up crying about demons.

She considered telling Threnn, but it wasn’t a big deal. She seemed to sleep through it anyways.

The commander ran back and forth, but stopped once to acknowledge Emily for her work, even with the immediate threat gone. 

"I appreciate that you're continuing to work, even with the immediate threat gone." 

Her conversations with him were distressingly short on most occasions. He always seemed to be organising something.  
  
-

It was three days before the Herald finally woke up.

A servant had been bringing elfroot to attend to his wounds, which were apparently cleaning up nicely, when she found him sitting up in bed, wide awake.

She ran out literally shouting that the Herald was awake, right into the chantry, saying something about “at once”. Emily had been just outside Lady Nightingale's tent when she ran by. Everyone nearby kinda gathered around, many people ran up to the cabin, they created a line, suggestively leading up to the chantry, all excitedly trying to catch a glimpse of the confused Herald as he walked by to meet with the Seeker.

Some of the chantry sisters kneeled in prayer towards him. Roderick was thankfully nowhere to be seen. Though shortly after the Herald entered, he stormed out of the chantry shouting heresy. 

News came that they had enacted the inquisition. Emily wasn't entirely sure what it was, but it had history. 

Suddenly people were everywhere, working hard, doing what they could. They really believed that this Herald was saved by Andraste, and that they were doing the Maker’s work by helping him and the Inquisition. The Herald himself seemed a modest sort. Not taking direct credit for anything but not really seeing how much he was really doing. 

Emily helped write out official notice letters with Cullen, who worked with her in a focused silence, much to her dissatisfaction. 

Flags were embroidered with the emblem for the inquisition, and Threnn offered to let Emily and Panosa hang the flag up on the front of Chantry. 

Together they hung and let the beautiful banner unroll from an upper window of the chantry, where people below cheered.

Crows were flown out, letters attached to their legs to be delivered to various locations with news of the inquisition. They were going to make people talk about them. It meant something to everyone, and now that their organisation had a name and purpose, and flocked to the small town of Haven.

In no time at all, scouts were sent out to a nearby place in Ferelden called the Hinterlands, which thankfully were clearly marked on the maps, since Emily wanted to know where these things were.

She was told it was about a four day trip to walk there. They didn’t have horses. Or cars, apparently.

Emily knew the word, but was unable to determine what exactly a car was. It was on the tip of her tongue, like she _should_  know it, but it was just out of reach.

Solas had become less reserved, apparently deciding the Herald wasn’t too bad at all. Apparently he was open minded as an individual, though they didn’t agree on everything. Emily saw them talking, and he seemed in a much better mood when they parted.

She decided that it was time to try to talk to him again. She kinda missed his easy information, and they had been so busy recently that she hadn't been able to. It was convenient, and also interesting. He seemed to know things and _want_ to address things that nobody else did.

“Have you ever heard of a car?” Emily asked him in place of a greeting. Questions were always easier with him anyways. And his face when he got asked a question he knew an answer to looked surprisingly cute, all things considered.

His confused look answered her question, and there was unfortunately no cute almost smile. Sad day. “No, what is it?”

“I can’t remember.” Emily answered honestly, feeling a bit let down. “It’s used for transportation, I think. I was hoping you would know, nobody else seems to, and you’re probably the smartest person around in terms of... collective knowledge.”

“I apologize, I’ve never heard of … a ‘car’,” Solas frowned. “But I can inquire into it, if you like. Perhaps it is lost knowledge.”

“What?” Emily cocked her head. “If it’s lost knowledge, how are you going to inquire about it?”

“The fade, of course.” Solas answered easily. “A skilled dreamer can inquire to spirits of knowledge whatever it is that they seek.”

“Like,” Emily paused. “When you’re asleep? Isn’t that.. lucid dreaming or something?” She wasn’t sure where the term came from, but it sounded right.

“Perhaps that is one way to think about it,” Solas nodded. “I explained how we go to the Fade in our sleep, did I not?”

Emily nodded.

“Mages, especially ones who have dedicated their time into their dreaming in the fade, have the ability to clearly remember and interact with the spirits there. They have a deeper connection to the fade. It is one of the many reasons people fear mages. Demons can commune to us, tempt us, and if we are so weak as to no longer resist the temptation, possess us.

“And thus are born abominations, though sometimes spirits can possess a person without turning into a monster. Usually that is when they are perverted from their original purpose, turned from negative to positive.”

“Wait a minute,” Emily interrupted. “Non-mages don’t have this kind of dreaming, right?”

“Not normally. It would require extensive training.” Solas said, raising his eyebrow. “Have you…?”

“No, not me…” Emily thought to the little girl who kept waking up in the night, crying about demons. “I’m talking about Panosa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Panosa had a nickname, what would it be? 
> 
> We are finally getting into the story ! (: Hopefully everyone is enjoying it so far! 
> 
> I have my internet all set up at my new place now so everything should be on track in terms of future updates. I know exactly what I'm writing for the next chapter! So exciting~ 
> 
> I'm laughing because I just realised that I named somebody Emily in the other story that I was writing! And it was written and posted here BEFORE this one LOL. I changed it now but wow... I guess I really like the name Emily. Pfft.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency: once every week or two

Panosa was a mage. Looking back, it seemed dreadfully obvious, and had Emily cared to mention something to anyone else, they surely would have noticed.

But with the world ending, then not ending, it was sort of at the back of everyone’s minds, and it wasn’t like Emily could remember the first thing about mages, much to her distress.

Panosa had not yet truly come into her magic, but Solas decided it was best to start training her just then. Or at least inform her of what to expect. Emily had a rather uneasy feeling floating around in her stomach.

They found Panosa drawing in the snow just around their tent, more swirls. Emily, as her guardian figure, slowly approached her. Solas stood back, observing her designs.

“Hey Panosa,” Emily said, her voice deciding to raise a few octaves in that voice reserved solely for pets and little children. “Solas needs to talk with you about something, so we are just gonna bother you from your beautiful drawings for a few minutes.”

Panosa glanced up at them and jumped up with an enthusiastic ‘ok’.

“These aren’t drawings,” Solas said.

“What?” Emily looked down. If they weren’t drawings, what were they? Scribbles? Doodles? Kinda rude to judge a kids designs.

“They’re glyphs.” Solas stated simply. Panosa didn’t react.

“They’re… what?” Emily observed the drawings more carefully. They were circles within circles with some squares, triangles, and other little designs. It repeated over and over again. Realization began to dawn on her. Her chest tightened.

“Magical signals, that with enough energy poured into can produce vastly different results.” Solas said, looking pointedly at Panosa, who stared right back at him. “These are almost all barrier glyphs, where did you learn this?”

Panosa looked at the ground, attempting to figure out if she was in trouble or not.

“Sometimes when I sleep, spirits talk to me,” Panosa glanced at Emily out of the corner of her eye, her voice dropped into a whisper. “They said this would protect us…”

Emily felt her heart swell, because that was adorable, and a barely detectable smile formed on Solas’ face. He kneeled down in front of her and gently took her hand in his own. Two mages. Mages. Abominations. 

Emily missed exactly what he said to her next, because she instead found it rather hard to breathe. She remembered the abomination from before. The searing heat on her back. The bubbling of skin.

Her mind took her to the worst possible situation. What if that happened to Panosa. Or Solas? Blood was rushing through her ears. She needed to go breathe somewhere, anywhere.

Her vision dark, she stumbled away from Solas and Panosa. Solas called out to her but it was a distant cry. She tried to wave him away. He didn’t follow her as she stumbled into the chantry, trying desperately to breathe.

A few of the chantry sisters surrounded her, asking her if she was alright. Telling her to take deep breaths. Her chest hurt and tears prickled in the corners of her eyes. She was not alright. She couldn’t tell them that though.

Would Panosa be alright? Solas seemed willing to teach her or something. Help her. But what could Emily possibly do to help out? She knew nothing about mages. She barely even knew anything about the world around her. She didn’t even know anything about herself.

She was lost.

Some time later, she had finally managed to catch her breath, and the sisters left her sitting in the corner of the small chantry. Lady Nightingale had walked past a few times, but basically ignored her. Solas hadn’t come looking for her yet. Not that he really had any reason to. Emily hardly felt like the best person to be looking after Panosa, maybe he realized that.

It was Minaeve who approached her after a while.

“You look like you’re feeling a bit sorry for yourself,” she said. Emily slowly brought her gaze up to her face. It showed concern. They stood silent for a while. Emily didn’t really know what to say.

Then finally.

“You’re a mage, right?” Emily asked. It was rhetorical of course, she knew that Minaeve was a mage.

She looked uncomfortable with the sudden line of questioning.

“I.. yes?” she answered, uncertain.

“How do you know that you’re not going to suddenly turn into an abomination?” Emily figured she would go straight for the tough question. They weren’t that close. If she ended up hating her, well at least it wouldn’t be a huge blow. Better than having Solas suddenly stop talking to her, she’d come to rely on him a lot recently. Minaeve thought for a moment, probably trying to figure out how to best answer the question.

“How do I know you aren’t going to turn on me and kill me?” she said. Emily furrowed her brows.

“I… I wouldn’t…” she started. Minaeve just continued.

“How do I know that rift isn’t about to open right up again and kill us all? How do I know any number of bad, terrible things are going to happen?” she paused. Then, quietly. “I don’t.”

Emily could see where this was going. She felt stupid.

“I know that’s not what you want to hear, but…” Minaeve nodded to herself in resolution. “Something tells me you don’t know the first thing about abominations, or how they happen.”

Emily regarded her carefully. “I don’t.” she admitted. Minaeve almost smiled.

“People tend to be afraid of things they don’t understand,” she nodded carefully.

“Can you.. Tell me more then?” Emily really did want to understand. If that meant she could help out somehow, then that would be even better.  
“Well… Mages learn to live with demons long before they even know they are mages. They live at the edges of your consciousness, fleeting, watching. Usually, they aren’t a threat, you just need simple willpower to keep them away.

“They are most threatening when they try to offer you something you cannot deny. At the heightened points of emotions, especially things that you desire and lust after. We could willingly give ourselves up to them, but we don’t.”

Emily stared at the ground. Minaeve played with her hands in front of her, looking awkward for a moment.

“The mage before. The one who caused the commotion…” Minaeve took a deep breath, she was talking about the abomination. “I knew him. He’d given up, and was angry. He probably thought that becoming an abomination was a better fate than dying while being overwhelmed by demons.”

It was silent for a moment.

“Did you ever want to give up?” Emily asked quietly, afraid to look directly at Minaeve.

“No,” she said simply. “I may not be great at magic, but even in my youth, even while afraid… I never gave up. Giving up after making it this far and seeing how much everyone sacrificed… No, I would never.”

Emily looked up at her, feeling more free than she had in a while, and smiled.

She could trust them after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late and sort of short. I've been a bit down recently. Sorry. I'll finish the next chapter faster hopefully.
> 
> I really wanted to give Emily some character, since right now she's just been kinda.. there. Even I thought she was kinda boring. This chapter was going to go very differently at first, but it just didn't fit. 
> 
> thanks for the comments and kudos guys, it means a lot <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency: Once a week/every two weeks. 
> 
> I have a lot planned out now so hopefully it will be faster coming at this point.

Emily found Solas and Panosa by his cabin. She wavered slightly as Solas glowered at her.

“Sorr-,” she started, but Solas interrupted her.

“Yes, it’s quite alright.” he said curtly. “We understand that you had something _quite urgent_ to attend to.”

Was Solas seriously pissed off about her leaving? Well… it was a relatively inopportune time. Had he told her? Panosa seemed the same as always, but she was always good at taking new information in stride.

“Are you finished what you needed to do?” Panosa asked her. Emily bit her lip. Seriously, she was awful. Like, the actual worst. What kind of awful person abandons a kid like that?

“Um.. yes, I’m finished now.” she managed to choke out with a smile. She felt Solas glowering at her. “How… how are you doing?”

“I’m a mage,” said Panosa matter of factly. Ah, he had told her then. Emily nodded carefully.

“And.. how are you feeling about that?” she knew Panosa would be upfront about her feelings.

“Fine, it makes a lot of sense.” Panosa replied, then giggled. “Plus I have you and Solas!”

Good, Panosa was ok. Emily ignored the guilt in her from Panosa's pure trust. Solas stepped in.

“Emily and I have something we would like to discuss.” Solas’ stare could probably burn a hole right through Emily’s head. Considering he was a mage, he probably _could_ do that too. _Shoot_.

Panosa nodded and scampered off towards their tent and Solas rounded on Emily. He pulled her aside, disgust clearly written on his face.

“Why would you leave at such an inopportune time?” he growled at her, Emily stared at the ground “Not only was I counting on your support, but Panosa believes in you as well.”

Emily swallowed and slowly brought he eyes up to Solas’.

“I may have been foolish with prematurely trusting you to take care of her.” he said, _ouch_. “But nonetheless, I have decided to train Panosa.”

“You… you will?” Emily asked coyly.

“Yes, however, I am to depart for the Hinterlands day after tomorrow with the Herald.” Solas said, clasping his hands behind his back. “There are some problems only he can deal with, and I wish to help.”

Emily stared silently at him, unsure what to say. Solas turned away from her.

“Cassandra has been accommodating to me, despite my status as a mage.” Solas stared up at the patched up rift in the sky, his eyes seemed to twinkle as he gazed at it. “I must prove that I am trustworthy.”

“I might be wrong but..” Emily scrunched up her face a bit. “I think Lady Cassandra really trusts you.”

Solas let out a small chuckle, yet his face didn't show any sort of amusement.

“I do not believe so,” he turned back to face her. Emily scowled. “That’s just how they act when they want you to be comfortable around them, tell you things. They don’t trust you.”

“You think I’m naive,” she said. Solas didn’t respond, remaining stone faced.

“I didn’t leave today to abandon Panos-” Emily was interrupted.

“Yet you ignore the fact that you are all she has,” Solas said with finality, his nostrils flaring. “Cassandra puts up with me, yet the Commander is much less agreeable.”

Emily’s shrunk back.

“I do not wish for him to find out about Panosa. Not yet.” his tone was gentler, but his face was still fierce, tense.

Emily nodded carefully.

“I.. I understand,” she said. Solas was looking at her with a face that seemed to ask ‘do you?’. “I wasn’t prepared before, I had a moment of weakness. But...  I’m ready now. I’ll support her no matter what.”

Solas gazed at Emily for a while, then seemed to accept her answer for the moment and excused himself to prepare for his travels.

She stewed in his disapproving looks though. She knew that even though they had come to an understanding, he still no longer trusted her.

She felt like an idiot.

-

Emily found Panosa in the tent, reading a book that she hadn’t seen before.

“What are you reading?” Emily tried to peer at the cover.

“Solas gave it to me,” Panosa smiled up at Emily. “It’s about glyphs and runes.”

She showed her the inside, which showed detailed images of various glyphs and their meanings.

“He said I need to be careful though…” Panosa said. Emily found herself nodding stiffly in agreement.

“Knowledge can be a dangerous thing.” she said. “Let’s... try to keep the fact that you’re a mage to ourselves, ok?”

Panosa nodded.

“You and Ser Solas sure talk a lot,” Panosa said, returning to her book.

“Oh, yes…” Emily stuttered, she still was upset over Solas’ anger. “Of course.”

“That means you like him right?” It was an innocent question. Emily knew she didn’t mean it in a romantic sort of way, yet she still found herself pausing before answering. Panosa looked up to her in confusion when she didn’t immediately respond.  

“Yes, of course,” she said finally, forcing a small smile, hoping Panosa didn’t pick up on how awkward the question made her feel.

“What do you like about him?” Panosa asked, returning to her book and tracing a glyph with her finger.

“Well…” Emily shifted, taken off guard. What did she like about Solas? Her mind flew back to him looking at the sky with that twinkle in his eyes. The sky was sacred, beautiful, his eyes captured that. “I guess.. He’s got pretty eyes.”

Emily immediately regretted saying that. What the actual…? His eyes? She could have said anything else. His mind, his intelligence, patience, how he was helping them so selflessly. _Anything_.

It took a moment for her to realize that Panosa was staring at her, her finger lay still on the page, forgotten. What was she thinking? She definitely had the wrong idea.

“I won’t tell anyone.” Panosa said with a small smile.

“Wait, no not like that,” Emily defended herself quickly. A little too quickly.

“Sure,” said Panosa, who giggled into her book. Emily slumped down.

“S’not what I meant,” she mumbled, her face hot.

Stupid kid.

 

-

 

It was late into the evening, and Emily was in the chantry. She was just collecting some ingredients to make a stew - really simple to make. Everyone had been busy all day. Chopping trees, setting up more tents. A few shipments had come in, the inquisition needed supplies. Leliana had set up a tent right beside Threnns. Emily felt rather uncomfortable there under her gaze, like she was seeing through her. But she spent a lot of time working there so she had no choice really.

“Hello,” came a voice. There was a man sitting there, slightly in the dark rather than in the candle light. He was observing her going through the various spice drawers and storage of the chantry, where they stored the vegetables and other things necessary for cooking. Emily glanced up and met eyes with him, smiling warmly.

“Hello!” she said. “Mild weather this evening, no?” she picked up some potatoes and… squash? She wasn’t sure but it would go well in the stew. She was going to be cooking for most of Haven, it was one of her jobs assigned to her, along with Gale, who taught her various recipes.

“I’m surprised,” said the man. Emily looked up confused. “You aren’t bowing to me.”

She finally took a good look at him. The Herald. It was the Herald.

“Oh…!” she dropped the basket of vegetables, some of which rolled across the floor. “I- I’m sorry! Should I…”

His booming laughter filled the room, thankfully it was empty.

“Please, don’t worry. I was messing with you.” he said, coming over and picking up a few potatoes. Together they started to pick them up together. “I was kind of glad, you know?”

Emily slowed and looked at him carefully. “Glad?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’ve been treated either like royalty or like I should be feared since I woke up,” the Herald said. “It was nice to just be treated normally, even for just a second.”

Emily gathered the basket up, there were still more on the floor though. “I understand,” she wasn’t really sure how understanding she could be, she wasn’t treated like royalty. “So you prefer to just be treated normally… That’s good.”

“Good?” asked the Herald.

“Yes,” Emily nodded. “It means that… the power hasn’t gone to your head. It makes a better leader if the leader isn’t too caught up in his title.” She found herself thinking of a similar line that Cullen had said to her about Chancellor Roderick.

“I.. yes.” he said. “I completely agree. Though I would hardly say I’m a leader here.”

“I can see why Solas was so relieved after speaking with you.” Emily said, playing absentmindedly with the vegetables.

“Oh?” the surprise in his voice made Emily look up. “You know Solas?”

“Yes, of course. He’s…” she trailed off. He’s training the girl I’m looking after? He’s fun to talk to? No. “He’s a good friend.”

Herald chuckled. He seemed to laugh easily.

“Most people seem to think otherwise.” he said. “But I’m glad he has a friend like you. I figured Varric was maybe too much for him.”

He started to laugh. Varric? Emily hadn’t really seen them talking. Then again they’d both been busy. They did go up on the mountain together when they were trying to close the breach though. Were they actually friends?

“He even nicknamed him ‘chuckles’.” the Herald snickered. Emily let out a snort.

“For some reason, that really fits.” she smiled. The Herald put the last potato in her basket, then looked at her, observing.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Emily,” she said, finding herself blushing in spite of herself. He was rather handsome. Dark hair, a neatly trimmed beard, with sharp, masculine features. Wait, no. This was a train of thought she didn’t need to be going down. That was definitely not going to happen.

“Emily huh?” he said, his face in a crinkled smile. “I’m Max.” he said.

“Would you… rather I call you Max versus Herald?” Emily asked carefully.

“Please. Though, perhaps not in front of Leliana and them.” They both laughed a bit awkwardly. Leliana _was_ a bit frightening.

“Herald!” came a voice from the other side of the chantry. They both jumped. It was the Commander. He approached them.

“Commander Cullen!” said Max, a smile on his face. He didn’t seem intimidated in the slightest. Perhaps he was a bit naive, or perhaps they were just friends.

Cullen noticed Emily there, holding her basket of veggies.

“Emily,” he nodded to her.

“Commander,” she nodded back, trying to act less intimidated than she was, most of her interactions with him were silent or brief. She was shocked he remembered her name.

“Herald, if I may borrow you for a moment,” he said.

Emily realized he was excusing her from the conversation.

“Ah, I…” she said. “I must be getting back to my work now so…”

She bowed for effect and hurried off. Herald looked after her with a chuckle.

“She’s pretty cute,” he said to Commander Cullen. They both watched her retreating figure.

“Ah… yes, I ..” the commander cleared his throat. “I suppose so. Anyways, to work?” he asked.

They walked off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emily lol
> 
> I'm having a good time writing her. The conversation with the herald came so easily haha. What a nice guy. 
> 
> As always, I really appreciate comments and kudos ;u; they help keep me going on this story.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency:  
> I have no clue. Supposed to be weekly or once every two weeks. Really hoping to stick to that!

Not even a full two days later, Solas and the Herald, along with Cassandra - and much to Emily’s disappointment - Varric were off (she really wanted to get to know him better). Solas had barely spoken to Emily in that time, though seemingly not because of any form of resentment. Everyone just really needed his time and attention. The most she saw him was when he came by with another small tome to give to Panosa, instructing her to study it with her every day. Panosa was thrilled. Emily was excited to read it with her.

Meanwhile, during the days in the following week, Emily was tasked with doing more physical things. A lot of soldiers and scouts, the people who had been dealing with it before, had been sent off elsewhere to do other things, so she was expected to put in her best effort. Threnn was sometimes quite soft with Emily and Panosa (especially Panosa) but she was brash and expected everyone to do their part 110%.

They cut down a lot of trees in the surrounding area, now that it was safe from demons. It often took three or four people to cut down the larger ones, if they were needed. They were stored near Adan's healing cabin, since he actually went through the most firewood and required larger logs. Usually they stayed with smaller ones though, with thinner trunks. Mainly these were for tent construction, which was both in and around the Haven area.

Emily’s hands had many blisters from using axes and hammers and tying with rope. Adan had given her a salve - likely elfroot based, now that they were able to collect more - which did wonders. It worked so well, her wounds would heal nearly overnight. Of course, she would just painfully muck them up the next day again. She hoped her hands would toughen up soon, as it made it difficult to do other things, like cook. She didn’t want to contaminate the food with her bloodied hands or something, and it was incredibly difficult to do even basic things like cutting vegetables and meat while you’re hands were painfully wrapped with linen. The other women said it wasn't a big deal, which shocked her a bit. It seemed for some reason that they had lower hygiene standards than she felt was common. She kept it to herself though.

Many people arrived every day, hoping to see the Herald -though he wasn’t even there- and making everything both more lively and more crowded, even with so many people out doing other things.

The templars and other physical fighters were parked just outside the town’s defensive walls. It was probably the best location for them, their armor took up a lot of room and they tended to be a bit on the louder side. They were loud in the tavern too, and that was incredibly close to Emily and Panosa. She was close to the chantry too though, which she liked. Panosa was often in there with some of the other ladies, a few of them elves (some were self proclaimed slaves though), working on stitching and embroidery, and drying out food for preservation. It was cold after all, and they couldn't very well grow crops. Everyone Panosa worked with seemed to really get along with and respect her, so Emily's mind was at ease. 

Leliana’s tent had many visitors as well. Emily would sometimes catch Leliana carefully observing her as she moved around the camp. Lady Nightingale really was in the best spot right there. She could see who came and went from the chantry, and who was walking around most of Haven. She couldn’t see the templars, but really seemed to trust Cullen, who went back and forth a lot, always looking like something as on his mind. Emily couldn’t imagine the stress he was under, he literally commanded all the troops for the inquisition.

She came across him one afternoon, waiting by Leliana’s tent. She wasn’t there, likely was dealing with something in the chantry.

Emily had been sitting near Threnn’s station, mending a hole in one of the tents. It was hard to call it a proper tent, really. It was many pieces of fabric sewn haphazardly together to create something resembling a large sheet. Despite their best attempts, the Inquisition didn't quite have a steady trade going on yet.

The commander spotted her and walked over, apparently realizing he would have to wait for an audience with Leliana.

“How is your work treating you?” he asked.

Emily was startled he had spoken to her. She was mildly speechless for a moment, he hadn’t spoken to her for nearly a week, since before the Herald had left. He was much too busy training new recruits and whatever else he had to sort out.

“It’s good, I’m glad to keep busy after.. Well everything,” she smiled.

“You’re from the Free Marches, judging by your accent. Do you miss it?” asked the Commander.

Emily gave pause. The Free Marches? It was true, she did have a different accent. Nobody had really mentioned it though, seemed everyone had a variety of different accents.

“I… I’m not sure?” the commander gave her a wary look, like he didn’t know what to expect or say. Emily looked down, embarrassed, and whispered. “I lost my memory from the blast at the breach.”

“Ah… I.. I see. Forgive my rudeness.” said Cullen. “I didn’t realize.. I mean, I heard there was a girl who had been rescued who did not… I didn’t realize it was you.”

Emily’s face burned. There were rumors going around? She had hoped to hide it, didn’t need anyone taking advantage of her saying they knew her or something. Also it was super embarrassing. It wasn’t Varric was it? If it was Varric she had some very choice words for him when he came back.

“I’m… I’m doing fine, regardless.” Emily finally choked out. Neither her nor the commander made eye contact.

Thankfully Leliana came back just then. Good timing, thank the maker. Emily carefully went back to her repairs, not looking up at all. The commander said something of a goodbye and awkwardly rejoined Lady Nightingale.

Emily wasn’t trying to listen to their conversation, but she was in such close proximity. It was hard not to strain to hear their conversation - which was in low voices.

“...it arrived from the chantry clerics.” she heard Lady Nightingale say. “It poses a small problem, but we should go through with our plan.”

Emily, of course, had no idea what they were talking about. But she was smart enough to know that something was happening soon. She watched then walk away, continuing their discussion. She wished she could ask Solas if he knew what was happening, she wanted to know. 

He was travelling with Max though. Emily let out a sigh. Yeah, she missed him. He was probably the closest to her here besides Panosa. She really needed another friend. Was his travelling going to be a constant thing?

 -

That evening, as they did every evening, Panosa and Emily read together. Both of them had basically memorized all the glyphs, as they did one each evening together, but the tome Solas had given on magic was a different matter.

It covered a wide variety of subjects. How to strengthen your connection to the fade, protect from demons, how to strengthen your magic ability so as to not succumb to demons, and other interesting things. They focused a lot on protection from demons, seeing as Solas and Emily both were quite concerned about somebody like Cullen or another templar finding out about Panosa. It was best to not have any weak links.

Emily found herself sort of upset that even though both Solas and the tome had mentioned it was possible for a non-mage to have conscious access to the fade, she was not having any sort of awareness at all. And she was really trying. 

In fact, she seemed to not be having _any_ dreams at all. Had she had any dreams since she had awoken? Nightmares perhaps? She couldn’t recall.

She was feeling uneasy for many reasons. Her inability to dream was one, but also the actual possibility that there were demons waiting just across the veil, hoping she would fall prey to them, or for another mage to fall prey to them. It was terrifying. She found herself lying awake late at night, sometimes just watching Panosa sleep.  

It was on one such night that she decided to get up and walk around. They had received word that day that a “Mother Giselle” was on her way to support their cause. Whatever the Commander and Lady Nightingale had been discussing still had not come to light. They were clearly waiting for the return of the Herald.

Emily was shocked to find Leliana was still awake, though it didn’t look like she was busying herself with papers or anything. She simply stood looking up at the rift, much the way Emily wanted to. Emily knew of course that she was usually up late, but it was well into the night. Even the tavern had quieted down. She was certain the sun would be rising in a few hours.

Hearing her approach, the mysterious woman tore her gaze from the sky and looked directly at Emily, who froze. For a moment her gaze looked murderous. However, it softened quickly when she saw it was Emily.

“It’s interesting to watch, isn’t it?” asked Emily, mainly to avoid awkwardness. She had never really spoken to her for any length of time, seeing as she was always preoccupied with something else, also had an intense gaze sometimes.

“Yes, I suppose it is,” said Leliana. “This rift tried to tear the world apart. I’m hoping it can also help bring the world back together again.”

She turned to Emily and nodded, then walked right off.

Well, so much for a conversation.

-

The woman known as Mother Giselle arrived at Haven two weeks after the Herald’s departure, escorted by soldiers. She completely took over the spiritual side of Haven. It was clear she and Roderick didn’t get along, but she never attempted to fight with him anyways, he was always in the wrong and she at least tried to remain the better person.

Giselle had somehow heard about Emily’s memory loss though, and frequently came up to talk to her in attempt to have the memories return. Emily knew she was just trying her best, but it was more of a hindrance than it was helpful, because she was usually working on something else.

She talked much about the Maker, and Emily finally was up to speed on what everyone else seemed to believe in, but though she wouldn’t voice it, it felt fake to her. Unfortunately the chantry’s actions (or the rumours of their actions anyways), which seemed to hate on the Herald, didn’t seem to change her mind either. It seemed impossibly biased. She dared not question it.

She spent her free time lying in the snow with Panosa, pointing out clouds, and naming them. Gale had convinced Threnn to give her writing supplies, and she found herself writing out facts that she knew about clouds and the wind and weather.

She wished that there were more thunderstorms, and that it was a bit warmer. Mainly because it usually snowed. And when it rained, it turned the ground to slush and everyone and everything was completely miserable, even though Emily loved the sound it made on top of the roof of their tent. The best times, however, was where it was cloudy and dark, yet the sun still managed to peek through. She thought the sky looked gorgeous, and the way the light beams shone through…

She wondered what Solas thought of it. She was sure he would at least be willing to talk about it. Panosa was a great listener, but often had very little knowledge to share. She didn’t seem to enjoy talking about her past often.

Panosa spent a great amount of her free time with Minaeve, who talked a lot about her creatures that she loved to study, when Emily was busy. But also many other people were friends with her, even a few templars (namely one named Lysette) that gave Emily a bit of anxiety. 

However, she had no qualms about letting Panosa walk around on her own. Well, she _didn’t_.

That was until Panosa came back to their tent one evening and showed Emily a vial, filled with a blue liquid.

“Where did you find that?” Emily asked, concerned. It looked like something Adan might give out, except she was sure she would know if Panosa needed something from Adan.

“From the Templars tent,” Panosa said easily.

“ _What!??_ ” Emily was appalled. “Panosa, you know you aren’t to go near the Templars, let alone go _inside their tents_.” she whispered fiercely.

“I know..” Panosa looked away, hiding the vial behind her back. “I’m sorry, it was just… so loud. I wanted to see what it was.”

What?

“Give it to me, I’ll return it for you.” Emily held out her hand, patiently waiting for Panosa to return the vial to her. She reluctantly did. “Promise me that you’ll never steal from the templars again, okay? It’s really bad.”

Panosa crossed her arms and looked away.

“Panosa.”

“Fine,” she said. Emily shook her head.

“No, you need to promise. And look at me when you do!” Emily was hardly strict with Panosa, but she really needed to learn her lesson before it was too late.

“I..” Panosa slowly looked at Emily. Then with a frown on her face. “I promise I won’t take things from the Templars again.”

“Good.” Emily nodded, then exited the tent with a sigh. There was no way she was going to sneak into the templar tent to return something. It would be best to just straight up give it back to them. She stared at the vial. What was this stuff anyways? A blue liquid.. That was certainly an anomaly in nature. It seemed to glow with warmth in her hand. An almost pleasant thrumming that wasn’t a physical sensation, but felt like a gentle heartbeat, trying to match with her own. She could just tell. It disturbed her slightly.

She tore her gaze away from it and marched towards the templar tents just outside Haven. There she saw Cullen, she gently waved to him, but he came straight up to her, which was a surprise.

“Where, pray tell, did you get that?” he asked, referring to the vial in her hand. Emily looked at it, confused.

“Oh this? Well actually…” Emily attempted to reply, but was interrupted by Cullen who pulled her off to the side, out of the way and not in direct view from anyone.

“If you took that from one of our tents, I require an explanation immediately. Or if somebody gave it to you, I need to know who.” Cullen looked ready to take her head off, at least he was waiting for a reply from her. Emily didn’t realize how important this liquid was. Perhaps it was a poison of some sort?

“I.. actually, Panosa sorta … took it from a tent.” Emily started. “I came to return it.”

She held the vial out to the Commander, who closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. Headache?

“Um..” Emily let out a bit of nervous laughter. “Sorry, seems she’s a bit of a trouble maker, I’ll make sure--”

“I cannot believe you let _a child_ walk around a war zone unsupervised!” the commander shouted. “You’re her guardian aren’t you!?”

Emily recoiled. The controversial vial fell harmlessly into the snow. This was the second time somebody was scolding her about Panosa, she didn’t have her memories and was quite certain she had never looked after a child before. Suddenly she wasn’t allowed a life now?

Cullen’s face fell.

“I… apologize.” he looked at the vial, which he careful scooped out of the snow. “This is not something a young child should have access to. I’ll see to it that our stores are more properly guarded.”

Emily said nothing. Cullen closed his eyes, and held the vial far away from himself, as if it would burn him.

“I… have a headache.” he said. “I must return to my duties. Please excuse me.”

Emily was left standing there. What the fuck. She turned and stomped back into Haven, absolutely livid.

She nearly walked right into Lysette, who was standing just in the entrance. Emily said a brief apology and attempted to continue walking.

“Wait,” said Lysette. Emily sharply turned to face her. “I heard the whole thing.”

“How **dare** he yell at me that way.” Emily spat out. She was so angry she wanted to cry, her face was burning from embarrassment of the whole thing. “I don’t even know what that was. He didn’t have to treat me like I was a criminal or something.”

Tears spilled over onto her cheeks. Lysette furrowed her brows with a frown.

“I’m not sure if I should really tell you but…” Lysette looked down in thought, then lowered her voice. “That was lyrium.”

“What is that?” asked Emily. “Is it poisonous or something. He looked at it like it was a deadly weapon. What, was it going to explode?” she couldn't help the sass that found its way into her tone. 

“No, of course not. I… can’t really explain what it is, but he’s right in saying it’s not good for children to be around.” Lysette glanced around, nobody was paying them any mind. “If it happens again, just let me know. I’ll take it back for you.”

Emily shook her head.

“You don’t need to worry,” she said, glad Lysette was looking out for Panosa at least. “I’m sure she won’t do it again.”

They parted ways then. Emily’s anger only barely sated.

At least she could study with Panosa and that wouldn’t blow up in her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is giving Emily a hard time right now it seems. 
> 
> Oh yeah, I decided that Emily could read just fine in Thedas. I know in a lot of stories, the letters are different from the roman alphabet, but I think it would be too obvious that something was weird if she couldn't read. So to make the story flow it's the same lettering system.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: Chapter 5 to the current chapter have been MILDLY EDITED to fix a small canon timeline error. I messed up the timing of the enactment of the inquisition, and somehow skipped over the whole event! It’s fixed now, and for the most part does not really require re-reading, as none of the overarching story has been changed (but there was one more little Cullen/Emily interaction - sorta). In case you’re short of time, the changes were mainly that now Emily just knows a little bit more about the history of the inquisition than she originally did at this point, and was involved with the arranging of the dressings and sending out the notices to the chantry (the reason the inquisition was denounced in the story of the game). Sorry about that! I’ll try to avoid it in the future. 
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO! I will be participating in nanowrimo (national novel writing month), which started yesterday! Its throughout the whole month of November. The goal for the month is to write 50 000 words. Assuming everything goes well, you can expect very frequent updates to this story in the coming month! Y’know, hopefully.

The Herald returned to the Inquisition with a small band of trusty steeds. Emily and Panosa were together at the time, listening to Chancellor Roderick spout more nonsense about the Herald out of sheer boredom. People recently had seemed more inclined to listen, since he had been absent for a while. News of the continually rising tensions between the mages and templars didn’t help. 

But the excitement when one of the soldiers came running, shouting that ‘the Herald had returned’ definitely stirred the crowd. A few people ran towards the entrance of Haven, while others stayed where they were to catch a glance later on, or to listen to Roderick’s ramblings.

Emily was apprehensive about going to greet them. She wasn’t terribly close to most of them, with the exception of Solas. But she didn’t know what to expect from him. 

Suddenly, perhaps due to the people feeling more courageous now that the Herald had apparently returned, a fight had broken out in front of Emily. It was between Roderick and another man she didn’t know. People quickly took sides and Emily stepped back, pulling a curious Panosa with her. She didn’t need to get involved in a fight. 

However a familiar voice shouting pulled her attention back towards it. It was Commander Cullen. Emily awkwardly looked back towards him. He hadn’t noticed her. 

“You are  _ all _ a part of the Inquisition!” he was saying. Emily blinked as he ordered everyone back to their duties. He was intimidating, but his heart was in the right place. They made brief eye contact, and then he crossed his arms and turned to Roderick, who had been the cause of all this. Emily hadn’t spoken to him since they had their spat almost a week prior.

“Well, glad I didn’t need to get in the middle of that,” a voice came from beside her, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Max!” Emily greeted warmly, brightening up immediately at the familiar face of the Herald. “Welcome back, I trust your trip went well?”  

She of course, was talking about the horses they had apparently arrived on. It was one of the objectives for their group after all - Emily knew since she had helped plan the trip with Threnn a bit, for resources and all that - food was important. 

“Halfway there,” grunted Max, observing the Commander. “I’ll catch up later, more work to do it seems…” 

He sauntered towards Roderick and the Commander, who were still in discussion. Emily didn’t want to know, way too much drama. She couldn’t imagine what Max had to put up with, since he was literally the face of the whole Inquisition. He had matured a bit since his trip to the Hinterlands. He seemed more sure of his actions. That was good. She trusted he would be a good leader. Er, was he the leader? 

She heard he was from a good family. He seemed to have some basic knowledge about how to act in a position of power at the very least. 

Panosa tugged on Emily’s hand. 

“Hey, hey! The Herald is back!” she squealed. “Doesn’t that mean that Solas is back too?” 

Emily forced a smile. Yes, of course. 

“Let’s go see him!” Panosa said, jumping. Her attachment to Solas hadn’t lessened despite the month without seeing him. 

Emily had no reason not to go though. It was essentially her day off, might as well play around a bit. So she allowed little Panosa to pull her towards Solas’ cabin, giggling as she pretended her legs had given out on her and told Panosa she had to drag her along the ground to get there. Panosa tried, at least. 

 

When they eventually arrived, they found Solas just as he was closing the door to his cabin, clearly having finished putting his travel things away. 

“Solas!” Panosa ran and gave him a jumping hug, nearly knocking the poor mage over. 

“Careful Panosa,” Emily chided playfully. “You’ll give the old man a heart attack.”  _ Also he could accidentally set you on fire _ . But Emily kept that to herself. Solas had more control than that anyways. 

“Good afternoon,” Solas greeted as Panosa slid down his leg, looking mildly bemused. “I’ve only been gone a short while, surely that wasn’t enough time for me to have aged as an old man.” 

“It’s okay! Old men have grey hair,” Panosa said from the ground. “And I don’t see any grey hair on you yet!” 

The  _ because you have no hair _ went unsaid. Emily burst out laughing, to which Solas looked mildly unimpressed. 

“Oh, cheer up you,” Emily smiled, pulling Panosa back up and out of the snow. “We haven’t seen you in forever.” 

“I saw him last night!” Panosa protested. Emily furrowed her brows in confusion.

“Last night?” She asked.  _ Huh _ ?

“I have been meeting with Panosa in the Fade some nights, to make sure she’s doing well.” Solas explained. 

Emily’s good mood disappeared. 

Was this some secret mage club now? Did he still not trust her? And why didn’t Panosa tell her?

“...oh.” she muttered awkwardly. “I see. I wasn’t aware.” 

She didn’t want to seem too upset, this was about Panosa’s wellbeing after all. 

“It seems,” he said. “That she’s doing well.” 

Emily nodded as she watched Panosa drawing glyphs in the snow. It turns out they aren’t dangerous unless you activate them with magic, so it was a totally harmless activity, and had been how they had been able to practice them together. Emily felt a bit bitter about that right now though.

“I mostly was meeting with her to dispel any demons that come to her in her sleep.” said Solas, observing Emily carefully. “You’ve been doing very well, her magical knowledge has increased exponentially.”

“Ah, yes.” Emily said, feeling only a bit better. “We have pretty well finished going over the contents of the books you gave us. They were quite interesting.” 

“Thank you,” Solas nodded. “I have a few more that should be sufficient for the moment.” 

“That’s… great.” Emily smiled despite her personal feelings. It would be interesting to read over, after all. He handed a small bag of books to Emily. He had clearly been on his way to deliver them.

Solas nodded at the bag, if he noticed Emily’s distress, he didn’t acknowledge it.

“I have other things I must see to,” he said, gently pushing past them, nodding at Panosa, who let out a soft whine. “Another time, perhaps.” 

And then he was gone. 

Panosa was bugging Emily for the books, so she gave it to her and told her to go to the tent first before pulling any out - just to be safe. 

She wanted to go over them with her, but she didn’t feel very inclined to at that moment. A sense of unrest came upon her. She needed to find somebody that wouldn’t talk to her about Solas. 

She briefly considered going into the tavern, but decided against it. She’d come to find the ale was much too strong for her tastes. She would need to have a really bad day in order to seek that out. Seriously. 

Instead, she spotted Varric, who didn’t seem to be doing anything of importance (or… at all?) at the moment. He was standing in front of a tent, which was right in front of where  _ her _ tent was (albeit, hers was on the ledge above).

“Waiting for someone?” she asked him in place of a greeting. He was apparently a writer, so he would probably remember her from their brief meeting. 

“Nah, this is my own setup,” said the dwarf. “Pretty nice, huh?” 

Emily giggled. “Oh yeah, living just like the Orelsian nobels!”

She parked herself on top of one of the lumber benches he had placed there and leaned towards him. 

“I’m actually right up there!” She gestured to her tent, just up on the ledge. “With Panosa, of course. Turns out we’re neighbours!” 

Varric let out an easy smile.

“I’ll make sure to give a proper Orlesian greeting to you each day.” he said.  _ “Bonjour, madame. _ ” 

_ French. _

The word clicked in her head just then. They called it Orlesian, but she was sure that the language was called french. 

“So Varric, I hear from many people that you’re a writer,” Emily wanted to broach the topic carefully. 

“Ah, so you’ve heard of me then?” Varric let out a laugh as if it were ironic. Knowing him, it probably was. “Did you want my autograph?” 

“Nah it’s ok, talking to you is plenty. And honestly, I don’t recall reading any of your books… Sorry!” Emily smiled at him, playfully. She knew he wouldn’t take offense. He knew about her memory loss after all. “But you know… the other day I heard somebody say a word that I had never heard before, just in passing conversation. I was wondering if you might know it? Being a writer and all, you must know a lot of words.”

“Sure, what word was it?” asked Varric. 

“I think it was… French?” Emily hoped she sounded convincing. But she really wanted to get to the bottom of this. 

“French?” Varric asked quizzically. “You sure it was French? I’ve never heard of that word before.” 

Emily frowned. He didn’t know it? She hoped it was some sort of slang for Orlesian or something. Just what on earth was she remembering?

“Oh, I see. Perhaps I misheard.”

“Maybe, but you know, as much as I seem like it, I don’t know everything.” Varric chuckled, clearly not finding any fault with her question. “Chuckles on the other hand… Uh, Solas I mean. He might know something that I don’t.” 

Oh look, there was Solas, popping up again in conversation. She really couldn’t dodge him could she?

“Oh, yes… I see. Perhaps I will.”  _ Or maybe I won’t _ . Emily griped. Varric must have sensed the change of tone.

“Everything ok? You two aren’t fighting are you?” he asked. 

“No, I don’t think that’s what's happening.” Emily sighed. What  _ was _ happening even? “I just… I can’t explain it right now. It’s kinda silly anyways.” 

“Well okay,” Varric eyed Emily closely. “If you need somebody to talk it out with though, you know where to find me.” 

He gestured to her tent again, and Emily laughed. 

“Thanks Varric. I’ll think on it.” she got up, ready to walk away for the moment.

“Sure thing. And hey, if it’s interesting enough, you might even make it into my next novel!” 

  
_ Oh Varric _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Varric gave Emily a nickname, what would it be? (: 
> 
> Also, for some reason while writing this chapter, I kept writing Panosa’s name as Emily. If for some reason Emily is doing something extremely childish, it might be because I missed that one and it’s actually supposed to be Panosa. LOL. Ok, probably a sign I need to sleep more. Welp, allow me to do just that. See you soon!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency:  
> For this month, since I'm doing nanowrimo, you can expect many frequent updates. Maybe not daily but very close to that. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

Emily was sitting on her favourite hill, staring up at the sky. Above her was chaos. Beautiful chaos. Lighting striking every which way, green tinting the swirling clouds. The sky wanted to engulf her, eat her whole. Swallow her being.

She tried to pry her eyes from it, but all around her was hazy, unfocused. It was like a memory that was almost there, but just out of focus. Just out of reach. It hurt to look at it directly without hurting her head. She just knew. It was _her_ hill. _Her_ sky.

Except her sky was wrong. Rocks were jutting out, coming closer and closer. Pulling her closer.

No.

No.

No, that wasn’t right. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Something was wrong.

The sky was sick. _Her sky was sick._

 

Emily woke up with a gasp. Chest heaving, she slowly attempted to sit up and look around her. It was still dark, and Panosa was sleeping peacefully beside her. She sat there a moment, slowly trying to catch her breath.

She could remember that dream with intense detail. More than any of her past dreams, if she had even had any.

Part of her wondered if that was the fade, which of course, it had to be. But it had felt so foreign, so wrong.

_It was just a nightmare._

Shaken, she decided to get up, maybe fetch some water from the chantry. She quietly pulled on her jacket and slipped out into the biting cold of the night.

The coals in the fire pit looked warm, but were nearly burned out. She couldn’t have been asleep for long.

Her eyes found their way to the breach in the sky. It wasn’t growing anymore, but it still loomed over everyone just as it had in the beginning.

She wondered if she had been staring at it too much, and it had leaked itself into her dreams. Wasn’t that supposed to be how your brain processed information?

Where did that information come from anyways? Her memories? She would have to ask somebody. Solas would probably know, though Emily wondered if he wouldn’t just say _dreams are a product of the fade_ or something. Probably would. Predictable elf.

Emily noticed that Leliana was still working away in her tent, her candle burned almost to the bottom. That woman worked too much. Did she even sleep? Was she even human?

She shivered and moved on. To the Chantry she went.

She hardly expected to run straight into the Commander himself.

Seriously, did anyone sleep here?

“Commander Cullen!” Emily said in surprise. “You’re still awake.”

“As are you,” Cullen said, a smile playing across his lips, not that she was looking at those.

“W-well…” she stuttered. “I mean, I was asleep, but then I had a nightmare and I am a bit thirsty! So I’m just getting some water now you know… I do sleep at a normal time.”

Oh maker, he probably didn’t care about any of that. The templar chuckled.

“I understand, wish I could say the same,” he sighed. “Lots to organise, decisions to make.”

“Yeah,” Emily nodded. “Papers to send out and stuff too I assume.”

“Ah, Lady Montilyet usually handles those. Uh,” he gestured vaguely behind him, deeper into the chantry. “Have you… met our diplomat?”

Emily shook her head. It was surprising, of course, seeing as she’d been there since the beginning. They just never really crossed paths.

“We’ve never been formally introduced. I’ve seen her around though. Know who she is and all… I’m sure she knows me too, everyone seems to at this point.”

“Hm, yes I suppose so,” the Commander frowned. “Your memories..”

Emily bit her lip, looking away.

“Still nothing.”

“I see. Sorry for asking again. It’s just, sometimes I miss news like that. I figured it would be best to ask you directly.”

What was that supposed to mean? Did… that mean he had been wondering? Or was he simply reminded when he saw her again?

“No, it’s alright.” she tried to look him in the eye when she said that. “I’m glad you thought to ask, most people just skirt around it. Your direct approach is refreshing.”

“Not for a lack of tact though,” he said. “I do apologise for… well for everything really. For before, as well.”

“Oh the lyrium, yes it’s fine, apology accepted.” Well, sorta. Better not to dwell on it.

“You.. knew it was lyrium?” Cullen suddenly looked suspicious. Oh shoot. She wasn’t supposed to know what it was. Emily mentally chided herself. _Why_! It was going so well!

“Um.. well, somebody approached me after the fact and let me know what it was,” she tried to explain quickly. “So that I could better understand the gravity of the situation!”

Cullen raised an eyebrow and regarded her carefully. Did he believe her?

“I didn’t realize how precious it was. I’m sure Panosa didn’t either.” Emily was nervous despite telling the truth. What if he thought she’d really stolen it?

Cullen dragged her out of the doorway of the chantry, off into the corner. He lowered his voice.

“Just, promise me you won’t tell anyone about it,” he took a breath. “Normal people aren’t supposed to know that templars have it, alright?”

Emily shrunk in his unusually harsh gaze. She gave a meek nod.

“You have to promise me,” he repeated, pulling his face closer to her.

“I promise,” Emily squeaked. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Cullen pulled away and curtly nodded.

“Right,” he rubbed his nose. “Nothing to worry about then.”

They stood there in awkward silence for a moment before Cullen spoke again.

“Well, I uh, must be going. Got some more things to sort out before I turn in.”

Emily was still trying to recover, but she tried to give an enthusiastic nod.

“R-right, yes.” her voice came out weak despite her best efforts. “Please try to get some sleep then.”

“Right,” Cullen nodded.

The two stood there awkwardly nodding at each other for a moment before Cullen actually decided to take his leave.

Emily’s shoulders slumped, suddenly she was feeling exhausted. She grabbed a short drink of water and swiftly headed back to her tent. She noted that Leliana’s candle was finally out on her way in.

She was shocked to enter the tent to see Panosa sitting up, staring at her. She nearly jumped in fear.

NOT what she was expecting.

“Oh!” Emily exhaled slowly, trying to slow her beating heart. Too much for one night. “I didn’t think you would be awake.”

“It’s okay… Solas said he noticed your mind had disappeared from the fade, and wondered why you might be awake.” Panosa said, her eyes eerily reflecting the light. “I thought I would check on you to make sure you were okay.”

Panosa the eight year old was going to be checking on Emily? Okay, whatever she believed then.

“Yes, I’m fine, I was getting water,” Emily smiled gently, unsure if Panosa could see her. “Er.. you say Solas? Were you….?”

“Yes,” she said in a monotone, half asleep voice. “He was teaching me how to properly cast the glyphs. It’s safer in the fade. People don’t get hurt if I make mistakes.”

Private mage club. Emily tried not to be disappointed.

“Aww, you won’t make mistakes,” she said, giving Panosa’s shoulder a little squeeze.

“Everyone makes mistakes,” Panosa whispered. “Solas said so himself. Even _he’s_ made mistakes.”

“Oh, yes yes, you’re right, of course,” Emily said. It was silly to say she wouldn’t make mistakes after all. Didn’t that just make it worse when they actually made a mistake, because they thought they would be perfect? Second misspeak of the evening. She needed to retire to bed before there was a third. “Now lie down, let’s go back to sleep okay? Back to the fade.”

Panosa gave a tired nod, lied down, rolled over and was nearly instantly asleep.

Emily sighed, lying down herself.

Back to the fade indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow two days in a row ! Crazy. 
> 
> Figured I would write some much needed Cullen interaction today, since it's been so heavily focused on Solas so far. Gotta give Cullen some love! 
> 
> Thanks for kudos~ I also really enjoy reading your comments! Hugs~ See you all again soon!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update Frequency:  
> Still doing nanowrimo obviously haha, so still frequent updates!

Emily didn’t really need a reason to be working at the Inquisition. In fact she hadn’t really thought about it at all. They were literally providing her a home and a life when she otherwise would have had nothing (that she knew of, anyways). 

So when Threnn came up to her with a coin purse, she was beyond confused. 

“It’s from Lady Montilyet, for your work up to this point.” Threnn said. Emily stared at her. Threnn picked up on her confusion. 

“It’s payment, now that we can afford it.” she explained. It must have been her job to distribute it, just like she was in charge of distributing other things as well. 

“I wasn’t aware I was even getting paid,” Emily said slowly. “I mean, I don’t even really have a title - like how you’re the quartermaster.”

Threnn gave a small nod. 

“I suppose you don’t have an official title, but you cook, you clean, you help mend items, you help gather supplies. I do believe your work is worthy of payment, so I took the liberty of securing it. I discussed it with Lady Montilyet; you’re officially employed by the Inquisition.” 

Emily was astounded. She knew Threnn cared deeply for equality and for everyone to get the same opportunities, despite her occasional brashness. She really was looking out for her. 

She gently took the payment, with a stuttered out ‘thank you’. She hadn’t really seen any money before. There was a guy who was often selling things near the entrance but beyond looking she never paid it much mind. He mainly tried to sell weapons and fancy hilts, nothing she had any need for. 

Maybe she could save up to eventually leave? To have her own place?

That was silly, of course. There was no reason for her to leave. But part of her was reluctant to go and spend anything. She hadn’t had any money on her person since the beginning. Perhaps she was poor?

She was pulled out of her thoughts at the sight of Cullen approaching. In his hands he held some paper. As he approached, Emily realized it was a map. 

“We have some new orders,” he said, addressing both Threnn and Emily. “We need building supplies sent to the Hinterlands.”

“Building supplies?” Threnn asked. “For what?”

“The Herald needs watchtowers built.” Cullen put the map down on Threnn’s table. There were three circles visible on the map. “They need to be in these three locations. The Herald took the liberty while there to mark them in person, though they may be difficult to spot.”

“I can have three groups of builders sent.” Threnn nodded. “Might take about a month and a half.” 

“We can’t have it take more than three weeks for the construction, and we have to make sure the people sent have good self defence.” 

“You want to send soldiers? There’s not enough here.”

Cullen didn’t look surprised, like he had already considered it. 

“I’m thinking, if we send one small group of soldiers, and mobilise the troops already in the area, we can have the whole job completed done by the time the Herald comes back from Val Royeaux. It’s imperative this gets completed, it’s to secure mounts for the Inquisition.”

“Wait,” said Emily suddenly. “Didn’t we already get horses? The Herald came in on some didn’t he?”

“The Herald was allowed to take enough horses for him and his companions, but the Inquisition itself doesn’t yet have a proper supply of mounts.” Cullen explained. 

“Oh, I see,” Emily coloured. She hadn’t bothered to ask anyone about that. It seemed rather obvious considering, it wasn’t like there were suddenly horses everywhere. Also what was this about the Herald going to Val Royeaux? Wasn’t that in Orlais? 

Threnn looked thoughtful for a moment. 

“I think I could make that happen.” she said. “They will be travelling on foot to the Hinterlands, but small groups travel faster. If they take the building supplies and distribute it accordingly…”

Threnn then drew travelling lines across the map, meeting up to different lookout points in the Hinterlands, where soldiers apparently were already stationed, then moving to where the towers were to be built.

“Let’s make it happen then,” Cullen stood up, satisfied with the plan. “After this is done, travelling around the Hinterlands will be much safer for everyone involved.”

“I heard the Herald took care of the mage problem there?” Threnn asked. 

“Neither the mages or the templars seem to be listening to reason, if we are to believe what Cassandra has told us,” Cullen frowned. “The Herald had to take care of both parties, rather unfortunately.” 

His face let Emily know that “take care” definitely meant… killing them. It  _ was _ rather unfortunate then, and the group was silent for a moment in thought. 

Cullen cleared his throat then bid them good day, and went off to do more work. 

As soon as he had left, Threnn had Emily help her in writing up the official orders, while Threnn found copies of blueprints for watchtowers. 

Threnn then got more orders delivered to her by a messenger, so she asked Emily to deliver them to the soldier encampment to be distributed accordingly. 

So she walked down to the training grounds, taking big free steps. It was a relatively nice sunny day and the air felt fresh and clean. She was in a good mood. 

While there, she saw Cullen overseeing a group of soldiers. They were doing drills of some sort. Repetitive fighting, attack and defend. Emily watched them for a bit before realising she had a job to do, and spotted Cassandra off to the side on her own, training on a dummy. It would be alright to give the orders to her, right? 

She cautiously approached her from the front as to not startle her. Never a good idea to startle somebody with a weapon in their hand. Cassandra relaxed her stance. 

“Um, excuse me, Lady Cassandra….” Emily tried to say as clearly as possible. Cassandra was an intimidating woman. She lowered her weapon and waited for Emily to speak, eyes trained on her like a hawk. 

Emily awkwardly cleared her throat then offered her the papers.

“Um, these are orders to be distributed among the soldiers about building watchtowers, so that we may secure horses for the Inquisition.” 

Cassandra raised an eyebrow and took the papers. 

“I see…” she examined them. “I will see to it that these are give to the correct people, thank you.” 

Emily nodded, relieved that she didn’t do something wrong.. 

“Right then,” she said. “I’ll take my leave.”

She tried not to walk away too fast. Turned out it didn’t matter too much, because somehow during the brief exchange with Cassandra, the Herald had come up and was chatting with Cullen. 

He spotted Emily and waved her over. 

She approached carefully, people were still swinging swords all around her. The Commander would prioritise talking to the Herald over training his men, interesting.

“Ma- I mean, Herald,” Emily bowed briefly to Max. A smile played over his lips. She ignored his smugness at her near misspeak and addressed his companion “Commander.”

“Emily,” Commander Cullen addressed her back. The whole thing was way too formal for anyone's tastes, like everyone was putting on a performance for the benefit of the extra person in the group. 

“What were you doing all the way over here, My Lady?” Max asked. Emily fidgeted. He was having a great time wasn’t he. 

“I was just delivering orders about constructing towers in the Hinterlands,” Emily directed a smile to Max. 

“Ah, yes.” Cullen exclaimed suddenly. “Where are they, I’ll take them now.” 

“Oh, I gave them to Lady Cassandra, as you seemed a bit preoccupied...” Emily trailed off. “Should I not have?”

“No no, it’s quite alright,” said the Commander. “I’ll go see her, thank you.”

He sauntered off. 

“Well, let’s move out of this war zone shall we?” Max said playfully above the sounds of clanging metal. 

“Yes please,” Emily couldn’t get away from there fast enough. 

They ended up leaning against the stairs leading up into Haven instead. 

“So,” Emily stretched out, feeling suddenly like she could move again. “I hear you’re headed to Val Royeaux?”

“Ohh, you heard about that did you?” Max snickered and rolled his eyes. “I’m supposed to basically try to get the Chantry on my side. But… no thanks to  _ someone _ , the Chantry has totally turned their backs on us. So I guess I will go to try and change their minds!” 

“Chancellor Roderick is really causing you guys a lot of problems, isn’t he?” Emily asked. 

“Yeah, you can say that again,” Max sighed. “I’m worried though. As much as I feel a good conversation could change their minds.. Well… It just didn’t go so well in the Hinterlands. Nobody wants to listen.”

“Everyone wants to think they are right…” Emily said sadly. “But really, good luck. I wish I could go, Val Royeaux! Everyone talks about it there.” 

“Oh really?” Max leaned forward playfully. “You wanna come with me then? You’re pretty good with words yourself!”

“What!” Emily laughed. “I’m terrible with words, as soon as somebody who looks scary steps in front of me, I forget every intelligent thought and becoming a bumbling idiot.” 

“Nah,” Max laughed with her. “I mean, you talk just fine with me.” 

Oh was that ever a trap. Emily just smirked at him. Max looked  _ way _ too nice to be scary. 

“Val Royeaux though, I mean it,” he said. “If you want to come I’ll see what I can do. Cullen isn’t coming but.. Solas would be.” He wiggled his eyebrows for a moment, and Emily gently punched his arm.  

“Oh, but.. What about Panosa?” Emily asked, suddenly concerned. There was joking about going to Val Royeaux, then there was  _ actually _ going to Val Royeaux. “I can’t just leave her here, and it wouldn’t do well to bring her along right now either, she would slow down the group. Not to mention the lack of horses for her and I…” 

Max started to laugh. 

“Okay! Okay! I see your point. Maybe next time then.” he paused, lowering his voice. “I guess it might also be dangerous this time around. Both the travels there and once in Val Royeaux itself.. There’s no telling what could happen. I… honestly don’t trust the chantry anymore.” 

Emily stared at him. 

“Be careful okay?” she frowned. 

Max left then to go deal with something else, but Emily was left in heavy thought. 

 

She found herself in front of Solas’ cabin. Was it concern? Probably. They wouldn’t be leaving quite yet, as Solas hadn’t even told her, and they had just arrived from the Hinterlands a few days ago. No rest for them though perhaps. Emily gave a knock on his door. 

Solas’ head popped out. Then realising it was Emily, he fully opened the door. 

“Oh Emily, hello.” he gestured to his home. “Please, come in.” 

Confused, since she’d never been into his cabin before, she cautiously walked in. 

She was surprised to see Panosa sitting at his table, with tomes open and displayed about the table. 

“Emily!” Panosa said happily. “Are you here to study too?” 

“You guys are studying?” Emily asked. She hadn’t realised Solas was doing private classes with Panosa. 

“She came to me with one of the tomes and had a question about redirecting magic,” Solas stated. “I did not wish to out her status as a mage, so I brought her inside so that we could speak in private.”

Emily gave Solas a weary look, then turned to Panosa. 

“He told you to be careful about who sees you with those books,  _ right _ Panosa?” Emily gently scolded. Seriously, she knew better. Panosa looked bashful. “Plus, you know I wanna learn with you right?” 

More like she didn’t want to get left out, especially when she had no other memories to go off of and an 8 year old could very well outsmart her quickly if she wasn’t paying attention.

“Sorry…” Panosa muttered, hopping down from her chair. “But I need to leave right away anyways.. Solas said he needs to study more about the Fade!” 

“The Fade?” Emily almost laughed and turned to Solas. “Honestly I’m surprised you don’t already know everything there is to know about the Fade with how extensively you study it.”

“Well, it is about the breach specifically,” Solas said, sounding amused. “And that hasn’t been there quite as long, I believe. It’s perfectly normal to not know everything about that. Besides, do you not know everything about the sky? You certainly spend enough time studying it yourself.” 

Emily gaped at him as he gently ushered them out of his house. 

“Until later then.”

And he closed the door. 

Panosa skipped away leaving Emily to stare after her.

He noticed that she watched the sky a lot? He noticed something about  **her** ? She felt touched, in a way. 

But..

“I study the clouds…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is barely any longer than usual (maybe by a couple hundred words) yet it felt so much longer when I was writing it, maybe its moving more slowly? Hopefully its still an interesting chapter?
> 
> Thanks for reading this far again haha~ Love you all, see you soon!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency:  
> Nanowrimo is over - expect weekly updates. 
> 
> (I didn't reach my word goal bc I burnt out fml haha, ah well, hopefully you guys enjoyed the past few updates nonetheless!)

Emily had a good day, part of it definitely because of Solas’ comment to her earlier. She was sure he was trying to be snide with her but she couldn’t help feeling happy about the whole thing. She had been tasked that day with gathering elfroot with Panosa for Adan. They also met with a trading caravan for vegetables on behalf of the inquisition, and had a good time rolling the carts back.

Before bed they studied together. After that lesson, which was about walking in the Fade, Emily had decided she was going to work towards becoming a conscious dreamer. A non-mage dreamer. If she could.

So she put Panosa to bed and set out to find Solas. She was determined. No more secret mage club problems. Well, less secret mage club problems, anyways. She was going to do her best as a non-mage to understand them.

Mages, they really were just like everyone else!

Unfortunately, Solas wasn’t around his cabin, a bit odd, considering he usually would be getting ready to sleep soon (he definitely kept a strict schedule).

Instead, she saw Varric, emerging from the tavern, carrying some drunk guy on his shoulders.

It was a comical sight. Mostly because of how much shorter Varric was to the man he was attempting to carry.

“Need some help?” Emily asked him, not wanting him to struggle too much.

“Oh~ Starlet, great to see you,” he grunted. “Care to help me?”

“Starlet?” Emily giggled while she lifted the man onto her shoulders, he was surprisingly light - which she realized right after was because he was an elf. _Wrong elf_! “You didn’t forget my name now did you?”

“Of course not, consider the nickname a gift.” Varric rolled his shoulders. “You always watch the stars, so it seemed fitting.”

Stars? It was the stars now? She let Varric lead the way while she dragged the drunk elf along with her.

“You know I look at the clouds right? Clouds.” Emily sighed. “Why does everyone assume it’s the sky?”

“You can’t look at the clouds without looking at the sky, Starlet. That includes the stars.” Varric winked at her, and she rolled her eyes.

She hauled the elf to a tent just outside the walls of Haven, as she gently lay him down inside, she recognized him as the healer who she’d met only once before, when she’d been patching people up for, back before anyone even knew who the Herald was. She’d never been introduced and hadn’t seen him since. Part of her had assumed he’d died in the mountain battle, another had thought he was the abomination that haunted her dreams. She had not inquired to his well-being. She didn’t even know his name.

Suddenly she realized his eyes were open and he was looking at her.

“Do you believe me?” he quietly, gently slurring.

“Believe you about what?” Emily asked.

“There was a line, in the chant of light long ago,” he said, louder, then winced. “It was about an elf...  The chantry sisters.. They tell me I’m wrong. That it’s falsehood.”

Emily stared at him in confusion. She knew _nothing_ about the chant of light.

“But you believe me, right?” he stared up at her, there was such hurt in his eyes, and so much expectation. Emily took a moment to formulate a response.

“Uh, well.. Even if they say it’s not true,” she had to look at it from his point of view. The chant of light was something a lot of people looked into for hope. He was looking for hope then? “They can’t know everything. Maybe it was changed for some reason. If you heard it before… well, things like that don’t come from nothing. There’s probably some truth in it.”

She nodded to herself, yeah that made sense. The elf was smiling up at her, eyes half lidded - he looked as if he was about to pass out.

“You believe me…” then he rolled over and began to snore.

“That was really nice of you, Starlet,” Varric’s voice had come from behind her, he was still waiting at the entrance flap of the tent. She crawled out and stood beside him.

“I wasn’t trying to be nice,” she said. “I just wanted to see it from his point of view.”

They started walking back towards the tavern, and Varric started to do what he did best. Tell a story.

“That guy, his name is Bracen. He was here for the conclave, as you can probably imagine. He’s from a mage circle, was here with one of his close friends. When the conclave exploded, he took it upon himself to start healing with the minimal healing spells he knew. But .. his friend, he was the one…His friend was the one who became an abomination.”

Silence for a moment. Emily remembered that moment all too well.

“He blames himself. He wasn’t there at the time to help. They’d apparently been friends for a long while. Grew up together and all that, such as things are in the circle. Recently, especially after the breach was all closed up, he seemed depressed. Turned to alcohol. Tried to find faith in the chant of light… I’m not sure how he got it in his head about the verse about an elf, but things like that pop up all over.”

They saw Cullen pass by, who hesitated for a moment, seeming to want to say something - perhaps about her and Varric being together - but ended up continuing on his way after a quick nod.  

“Anyways, it’s good for him to have somebody who can believe with him. I know you said that just because you didn’t know the chant of light, though.”

Emily gave a small smile. “Was it obvious?”

“Only to somebody who knows,” Varric took a deep breath, and Emily found herself doing the same.

“Oh, by the way Varric, have you seen Solas?” Emily tried to change the topic, no more depressing feelings. “I wanted to ask him something!”

“He was in the chantry earlier, not sure what he’s gotten up to now… besides, isn’t it Chuckles bedtime just about now?”

Emily playfully punched him in the arm.

“I’m gonna go find him before he sleeps, hopefully. Talk to you later Varric.”

“Sure thing Starlet, talk to you later.”

 

First Emily checked Solas’ cabin again, just in case he had gotten there in her absence. He still wasn’t there and there were no fresh prints in the snow to suggest he had gone to bed.

So next she went to the chantry. Of course, if he was there in a meeting, she wouldn’t be able to talk to him, and possibly Lady Nightingale would be a tad too curious about her asking after him.

Speaking of Lady Nightingale, she definitely was not in her tent. So perhaps there really was some sort of ongoing meeting. Maybe she would also run into Max, who knows?

The inside of the chantry was completely empty, her footsteps echoed throughout the hall, making her feel self conscious, so she tried to walk as quietly as possible. She hung over to the side where food was usually stored and waited.

She didn’t need to wait long, because soon, Solas came out of the room at the far end. Emily immediately began to pretend like she was doing something there. She heard Lady Cassandra thanking Solas for his time and then closing the door, presumably to continue a meeting of their own.

“Solas!” she said, pretending to just notice him. Solas actually looked mildly surprised for a moment.

“Emily, I’m surprised you’re up,” Soals said.

“I’m always up at this time, but I’m surprised you’re still up. What were you doing?” Emily didn’t actually mind that much about whatever Solas was doing, knowing he probably wouldn't be allowed to say much about it anyways.

“Ah, just updating the Herald on my research,” he said, nodding towards the door. Emily understood, walk with me.

First thing upon stepping outside, Emily glanced at the sky. Call it a force of habit. The air was only slightly chillier than it was during the day - or maybe she was just so used to the cold that it no longer really mattered.

“How have you been lately?” Solas asked, Emily stared at him for a moment. “I know you lost your memory, has anything come back to you?”

“Umm,” Emily thought for a moment. Mostly it was just random words, or feelings. “Nothing concrete. I’m not even sure if some of the stuff I think I know is real, it’s hard to make sense of.”

Solas nodded thoughtfully.

“But you know..” Emily said, kicking the snow as she walked. “I think.. I might just want to forge new memories here. My old life, whatever that was, wouldn’t be the same anyways. And I’ve made lots of new friends, and Panosa is now my responsibility too.”

Solas smiled at her for just a moment, then joined her in looking at the stars - wait no, he was looking at the breach, not surprising..

“We studied tonight, and actually,” Emily turned to face him, ready to seriously ask him about what she had been there to ask in the first place. “I had a question for you…”

“Go on,” said Solas, not taking his eyes off the breach.

“Once, you mentioned that it was possible for non-mages to be conscious in the fade..” Emily felt like he knew where she was going with this. “What… steps should I take to get there? I want to be able to experience it like you and Panosa can. To understand it.”

Solas’ eyes were sparkling in the light.

“Of course, I’m hardly surprised you feel that way,” he said, finally turning to look at her. Emily realized they were standing a bit close, she could almost feel his body heat. She stepped back a bit. Not going there right now.

“It is quite difficult, so I hope that you’re ready,” Solas said. “Most of it is actually quite simple. Mindful sleeping. Noting that you are, in fact asleep. Falling asleep with the intention of going into the Fade.”

Everything seemed just a bit farther away as she listened to his smooth voice talk. It was different from when Varric spoke. Enchanting in a different sort of way.

“Perhaps noting your dreams, writing them out as soon as you can.. They will help you in being more mindful.”

Emily nodded happily, extremely grateful he was going along with it.

“I will start with that then, thank you so much!” she tried not to squeal, but the excitement was just there. She wanted to jump around. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

“Also, this is perhaps a bit off topic,” she said. “But were there always two moons?”

Solas gave her a strange look.

“Sorry, I just always wondered. Somehow it seemed off to me when I first saw it.”

She let out a nervous laugh. That ws incredibly random.

“Well, perhaps it’s a bit strange when you compare it to the sun, which there is only one of…?” Solas surmised. “I admit, it is an interesting line of thought. Why there are two moons, rather than one.”

“Right? It makes it so much brighter at night than one moon must.”

“Ah yes,” said Solas, since they both give off light, it would be infinitely darker at night if there was only one.”

“Well I mean, the moon doesn’t really give off light the way the sun does,” said Emily, remembering something suddenly.

“Well, it is duller than the sun’s light,” Solas agreed.

“No no, I mean, the moon is just reflecting the light of the sun.” Emily saw the scepticism on Solas’ face and hurried to explain. “It’s like.. It’s the same way the light from the sun is reflected off of the snow. The moon does the same thing, it reflects the light back at us, which is why we can see it, because how do you see a rock if there's no light? But if the sun is shining its light off of it, since it’s a gaseous ball of flame and produces light, then we suddenly can. We see the stars because they are like the sun, just much farther away.”

“It is an interesting theory,” said Solas. “But you are making a lot of assumptions. The sun, a ball of flame? And how do you know the composition of the moon? It appears to be rock, yes, but how can you be sure?”

He was criticizing her but there was a playful smile upon his lips and that look in his eye that told her that he was intrigued.

“Pray tell, where do you come up with your theories?” he asked.

Emily hesitated. Did she come up with it? No, she was sure she already knew it. The possibility that she was actually from the future flitted through her mind, but she pushed it away. That was absurd.

“Uh.. I’m not sure, it just came to me…but not as if it made sense, moreso that it was a memory I had.”

“Well, perhaps you led a rather interesting life, Emily.” Solas leaned towards her. “I do look forward to more of these memories from you. The theories involved are quite interesting.”

He straightened then nodded curtly to her.

“However, I do believe it is time I retired to bed. I bid you farewell.”

 

After he left, Emily wanted answers more than ever. She had just finished telling him her old life didn’t matter, yet here she was, hoping she would recall more. They seemed to happen to her most often when she was talking about factual information. Languages, the sky. She had remembered quite a bit about clouds, which she had written down for her own reference.

She found herself getting more papers from the chantry before she slept. She noticed Lady Montilyet’s candle still burned bright in her office - a late night for her as well. Did anyone around here ever sleep?

She was now ready to write her dreams as soon as she woke up. Anything. If she needed to, she could scribble out a drawing or something to show what she remembered.

  


The next morning, she woke up and tiredly rolled over to look at her recounts that she’d scribbled in the night. It was surprisingly tiring, waking up for a moment, conscious enough to doodle something then going back to sleep.

They were all drawings. Different shapes and forms. It took her a moment, but she realized they were all clouds.

Clouds. She was dreaming about the different forms of clouds. She groaned. As if she didn’t spend enough of her time observing clouds, now apparently she was dreaming about them too?

Panosa jumped on her and curiously inquired after the drawings. She replied with a slow “they’re just clouds..”. Panosa pointed out that there was a lightning strike in one of them, so they weren’t just clouds.

Kids.

They started on their morning routine, however. Shaking out the blankets, gathering laundry, somebody had already started breakfast for them from the overnight watch.

It was close to noon when she heard somebody clear their throat from behind her.

She turned and found the elf from the previous night. What was his name again?

“Um,” he stumbled, eyeing Panosa nervously. “Do you mind if we talk for.. Just a moment?”

“Sure,” she said, remembering the state he had been in from last night. “Panosa, do you might taking the lye to the chantry sisters for me?”

Panosa nodded and ran off.

“Th-thank you very much,” said the elf. “My name is Bracen. Varric told me how you carried me back last night and I just wanted to.. I mean, thank you.”

He bowed quite low to her. Emily flushed, it hardly required a formal apology.

“I actually remember your response, it stuck with me for being more thoughtful than any response I’ve had previously.”

“Oh.. well, I’m glad you thought so.. I mean, anything is possible after all… and I mean with the way the chantry sometimes acts, it wouldn’t be so surprising if it was removed at some point.. Right?”

Emily barely knew what she was saying, but Bracen nodded quite a bit.

“Thank you so much, you have no idea how much your support means to me… I ..” he drifted off. “Well, I just appreciate it.”

“Don’t get mad at Varric, but he actually did tell me quite a lot about you.”

“Ah... “ Bracen looked away. “I see… I would rather you not look at me in a negative light..”

“Oh, no not at all,” Emily said, trying to get back in his line of vision. “I actually helped you back before the breach was sealed, when you were a healer. I thought that you were quite the hard worker. Anyone would be upset over what happened, no matter how they were before, please. Don’t beat yourself up like that…”

Bracen quirked a smile.

“Thank you for your kind words..”

“Oh, you know though…” Was she right to suggest this? “My friend, Solas… I know people are afraid of him, but he is rather knowledgeable. He might know something about it. Or perhaps he can help you find the answers you seek…?’

“Ah, ser Solas.. “ he nodded. “Yes, I have heard of him.”

“He’s less intimidating than he pretends to be. Don’t tell him I said that though,” Emily laughed. “I really think you should talk to him. Just tell him Emily sent you.”

“I had heard wonderful things about you Lady Emily,” he said. “Especially about how you took in the elven child… We here really admire your kind and beautiful heart.”

Emily’s face burned. Kind and beautiful heart? Well, if they said so.

The rest of the day went by in a daze, so much so that Threnn even asked her if she was alright, and let her off early.

She spent the rest of the day sketching the clouds til the sun went down.

Who had been telling people she had a ‘kind and beautiful heart’?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh DAI is hard to write in reference to timeline. I had to do a ton of research on it. I'm so concerned I'm going to mess it up...  
> Though, I already did...! I said it takes 4 days to get to Haven in past chapters, that’s actually 4 days by horseback, it SHOULD be 8, since they were walking, not riding horses.... I’m not going to fix that one, just cause that would change the timeline a bit more than I actually want it to, so we are just going to live in denial - its fiiiiine.  
> From now on though, I’m gonna try to get it as accurate as I can. It takes about 7 days on horseback to get to Val Royeaux SO THAT IS WHAT I AM GOING WITH. Cause duh, that part is coming up next!  
> I bow to anyone who has written DAI fics before and didn’t go absolutely insane with all the timeline problems. Things seem to happen instantaneously but they just.. Can’t. Haha. The struggle. 
> 
> Otherwise... I was having troubles coming up with how Emily would study to go into the fade, and ended up doing a ton of research on lucid dreaming haha. I can’t find much canon stuff on this topic so hopefully what I’m coming up with is realistic enough for you guys! 
> 
> Thanks for reading again and see you guys next time!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency: Once every two weeks. 
> 
> The holiday season ended up being really busy for me ahh... I spent a longer while writing this chapter so hopefully it's a better one!  
> I got a new computer over the holidays as well and it runs DAI really well now so! Yaay~
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter (:

“A cabin?”

Max had come to Emily with an inquiry. Apparently he was looking for some sort of cabin nearby, to find notes for Adan. Something about the last person who worked as a healer or something, somebody named Taigen.

“Yes, I would appreciate it if you knew anything.” Max smiled at her. “I know you often wander around outside Haven after all so…”

Emily playfully hit him, and the Herald chuckled.

“I do not ‘wander’. I collect elfroot, thank you very much,” her anger was not convincing in the slightest.

“I am also looking for a quarry, so any information on that too would be helpful.”

Emily thought for a bit.

“I actually think I may have seen the cabin,” she said. “There’s a path off to the side of the village…”

Something about Max’s face suddenly gave her the impression he wouldn’t be good with directions.

“Maybe I’ll just show you,” she said. “I’ll help you search for the quarry too. I search for tiny elfroot plants every day, surely I can aid you in finding something as large as a quarry.”

And that was how she found herself waist deep in snow, surrounded by goats.

Finding the cabin? That had been easy. Child’s play. Literally, Panosa would easily have found it.

The quarry on the other hand, was another problem entirely. Haven had relied on outside shipments for so long, that the location of the quarry was long forgotten. There were no paths leading to it, to be sure, and the snow in the area had been largely untouched for months, possibly.

If you’d never tried to trudge waist deep in snow, Emily was certainly not going to recommend it, and certainly she wasn’t going to be lining up to do it again after this.

“My feet are frozen!” Max complained somewhere to her right. She twisted to look at him.

“Just be thankful it’s not snowing today, else we would probably be buried alive!”

She regretted not asking Solas to enchant her clothing or something. The snow melted on her clothes because of her body heat, making the clothes wet, which in turn made everything so much colder.

If she was a mage, she would have burned her way through the snow.

“If this area wasn’t so hilly, I’m sure we would have found it by now…” she grumbled.

“The mountainous area provides good defence though!” Max chimed in. Ever thoughtful of battle strategies.

A goat came up to Emily and cried in her face.

She also didn’t recommend that. They had terrible breath. She was also jealous because somehow they had no troubles staying mostly above the snow, where as Emily, in her heavy clothes, fell right through.

“Bah to you too goat. Where is the stupid quarry?” she asked to it, not really expecting a response.

Talking to goats was another thing Emily would not recommend. Apparentlly they hear you, because it turned around and butted her sideways, straight into the ground.

And suddenly she was rolling. She cried out and was rewarded with a faceful of snow. Dizzy, she tried to pull herself upwards, mainly to glare at the goat, only to find she had actually rolled quite a distance from where she had been. She could no longer see Max.

Finally standing up, she attempted to brush the snow off herself with her completely frozen fingers, and looked around.

“Max!” she shouted, excited. In front of her stood a large wooden structure which could only have been the thing they were looking for.

“Max! I found the quarry!”

-

Nearly an hour later, Emily and Max were huddled together beside a fire in the healing cabin (now mostly empty, thank goodness), warm elfroot tea in hand, and trying to warm themselves up.

They were receiving quite an earful from Cassandra, who apparently could not believe how unprepared for the snow they were, and how they should have brought other people with them.. yada yada. Emily wasn’t really paying attention, much too tired to really listen at all. Max seemed to be in the same boat, as they were both sort of drifting off.

“You can’t fall _asleep_ , are you mad? You’ll freeze and die.” Cassandra shook them both awake. “I’m getting Solas, so don’t pass out until we are back.”

She slammed the door as she left.

“She’s just worried about us,” Max said smugly. “I doubt she’s really even that angry, she just likes to come across that way.”

“Yeah,” Emily agreed. “Also she’s wrong.. We are inside by a fire, how would we freeze to death when it’s so warm in here?”

She was finally starting to regain feeling in her toes now too.

Eventually, Solas came. Emily had finished her tea at that point, and was actually able to focus on what Solas was saying. He seemed more amused than angry and informed you both that you would be keeping all your limbs. Emily and Max giggled.

“With your humour, you’re both likely to be just fine in a few hours. Do try to keep from trudging through the snow alone next time. Especially you, Herald.” Solas looked pointedly at Max, who managed to look a bit sheepish.“I trust you will be ready to leave for Val Royeaux in a few days?”

“Yes mother,” Max said. Emily coughed to stifle her laugh. Solas looked mildly put off.

“I am hardly goading you like a child,” he said.

“Oh Solas,” Emily said. “Max here is the Herald and a grown man, no need to check in on him so much! It does make you seem like a mother hen.”

“Ah yes, I do forget that you didn’t travel with us. If you had seen the state he is in most mornings, you would perhaps change your mind.”

Solas sauntered out, while Emily cast a glance at Max, who’s face had turned a bit pink through his beard.

“The ‘state you are in most mornings’?” Emily smiled widely.

“Oh lay off,” Max shoved her gently. “If you were used to servants doing things for you, you’d have troubles getting ready too.”

“What are you going to Val Royeaux for anyways? Nobody has actually told me.”

“Oh,” Max readjusted himself in front of the fire. “Apparently I’m going to have to convince the chantry that I’m not a demon wanting to take over Thedas.”

“A demon?” Emily chuckled. “You? Are they mad?”

“Must be. They’ve renounced the inquisition you see, no doubt thanks to a certain Chancellor in our vicinity…”

“Yeah, that’s bad news, right?” Usually Emily would be embarrassed not to know, but Max was not particularly judgemental.

“Yeah, everyone looks up to the chantry - and for good reason. But I hope to convince them and the templars, because they are there in Val Royeaux. ‘Protecting’ them, apparently. Not sure from what. Me?”

“Yeah, probably from the fact you have troubles waking up in the mornings,” Emily teased.

“Maker, I said to lay off!”

-

The next few days were a whirlwind of preparation. The Herald and company needed to be prepared for battle, but of course, nobody actually wanted battle. They just wanted to talk.

With how everything else was going though, a smooth negotiation was extremely unlikely.

“Good luck Max,” Emily was by the stables with Panosa, saying a brief farewell to the party. “Bring back those templars, you hear?”

Max finished securing his saddle and smiled.

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” he asked cheerfully. “I’m the Herald of Andraste!”

Solas came up to them then, and Max and his mount moved away for a moment.

“Solas…” Panosa sniffled from beside Emily. “Why do you keep leaving?”

“I have work to do, da’len. But I will be back in no time. I trust Emily here will be plenty of company until I return.” he handed her a book, and told her to keep it safe.

Panosa scurried off clutching the book to her heart.

“I’ve never seen a kid who enjoyed studying so much,” Emily said. “I’m glad I’m able to do it with her, and that you are providing most excellent materials.”

“Yes, she is a most intriguing child,” Solas agreed. “As are you.”

“Are you telling me I am a child?” Emily asked, partially joking. “I’ll have you know I’m well into my twenties.” How she knew that, she wasn’t sure. Just another thing that bothered her. She didn't think about it.

“Yes, you look like a child to me.” Solas chided. “I’m quite a bit older than you, you’re aware.”

“What!” Emily was mildly insulted. “Why, how old are you?”

Solas only chuckled.

“Older than you need to know,” he said, then started to wander away - the group was almost ready to depart.

“You can’t be much older than forty!” Emily called after him. “I’m going to start calling you an old man!”

Varric let out a bark of laughter as he walked by and waved at her in approval.

“See ya Starlet,” he said. “I’ll miss your ordeals.”

“Bye Varric,” Emily said glumly. She felt that he was laughing at her.

 

Cullen was suddenly beside her as they rode off towards Val Royeaux.

“I see you have been making plenty of friends,” said the commander.

“Yes, it’s been very _exciting_.” Emily said sarcastically.

“You have an easy way with people, you probably make a lot of friends.”

Emily was about to respond when suddenly.

_I know you love storms but..._

A face suddenly popped into her head. _Make sure you come home before…_

Her mother? No. _This one looks pretty bad…_

Suddenly dizzy, Emily fell into a sitting position.

 _“Emily,”_ said a muffled voice in her ear. _“I know you love storms but this one looks pretty bad. Make sure you come home before it gets too dark, okay?”_

_“I’ll talk to you later Trish…”_

 

She was suddenly very aware of the fact that she was in cold snow, with Cullen in front of her, gently shaking her.

“Are you alright? What’s wrong?” his voice was filled with concern. “Do I need to take you to see a healer?”

“I… no.” Emily allowed him to help her up. “I just remembered something.”

Cullen remained silent, a silent invitation to continue.

“I had a friend.. I lived with her,” Emily said. “Her name was Trish…”

Cullen frowned. Probably thinking the same thing as her. Nobody in Haven had that name.

“Do… do you think she was up there with me Cullen?” Emily felt her strength leave her, and her legs gave way under her.

She was held up only by Cullen’s supportive arms.

“I cannot say for sure,” he said. “Perhaps she was elsewhere.”

“I’m sure she would have inquired to my well-being if she was elsewhere.” It was something she had already thought about. She turned to look at Cullen, tears burned at the edges of her eyes.

“I know we were really close so... Cullen..." Emily took a deep breath. "I think she died at the conclave."

Cullen slowly lowered her to the ground as tears poured over. 

"She died at the conclave and I didn't even remember her," Emily sobbed. "I'm a terrible friend." 

Why was she there? Cullen pulled her close, a gentle hug. She was glad that mostly everyone else had cleared the area, that Panosa wasn't there. She felt so utterly empty and hopeless. 

"Who else am I forgetting?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Emily. Good thing Cullen was there to catch her~ Catch me too Cullen! haha... just kidding... probably.. 
> 
> I had a question for you guys tho! Knowing who Max is as a person, for the part where it's a choice between mages and templars, what choice do you think he would make? 
> 
> I have possibilities for both situations and it doesn't majorly affect the story or anything so I want your opinions on how you feel about it!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency:  
> Uh... sometime? LOL I fell out of habit before, so it's a matter of me getting back into the writing every day kinda thing!

“It’s hard not to think of the things we regret, but we must push forward.”

Cullen’s words echoed in her head that night. She had been so embarrassed about breaking down like that, it hadn’t really sunk in at the time.

Emily guessed he was speaking from experience. Or maybe he was just an older, wiser person giving her advice. What older person didn’t go through something? Was this _her_ something to go through? Was she going to be a wise person after this with life advice to give to all the younger people?

Sure, the death of her friends was one thing that was plaguing her mind, but she found it almost preferable (and totally understandable) than to think of the fact that Cullen had carried her back to her tent.

Panosa had greeted them mostly with confusion and concern, because what grown woman gets carried back to their tent if they weren’t injured?

Of course, the girl would have understood. She had lost her parents. But the difference to Emily was everyone clearly remembered their losses.

She rolled around restlessly, feeling an odd mix of empty and anxious. She brought some paper outside and started to sketch with the charcoal from the burnt out fire pit. She wanted to draw the faded memory of Trish. Of her friend. She quickly realized she was not, in fact, artistically inclined.

She let a frustrated sigh.

“I wondered if I might find you awake,”

Completely caught off guard, Emily jumped. It was the Commander.

“You’re up still,” she said. He had bad timing. She wanted to be alone.

“I was just walking by. I’m putting together a new training program for the soldiers…” Cullen drifted off as he noticed the paper in Emily’s lap. Emily caught his gaze.

“I was trying to draw my friend,” Emily stared sadly at the paper. “To help remember her.”

“I didn’t know you could draw,” Cullen craned his neck to get a better look. “May I see?”

Emily was sure Cullen was busy, but found herself just slightly touched at his attentiveness. Then she remembered how terrible her drawing was. She let him look anyways.

“It’s no good honestly,” she said. “The face is all wrong. It barely even looks like a person at all.”

Cullen chuckled. The eyes - which barely looked like eyes - were uneven in both placement in size, the face was fatter on one side than the other, the nose was ugly and the lips even uglier. The whole thing practically screamed amateur.

“All things take practice. I daresay it’s better than what I might do.” he nodded. “It wouldn’t be on a chantry wall, but I see your effort is there.”

Emily allowed a small smile.

“I’m sorry you had to check up on me,” she said. “I know you’re busy. If there’s ever anything I can do…”

The commander dismissively waved his hand.

“No no, it’s only right to make sure everyone here is doing well,” he cleared his throat. A cold? “Though if you are in need of a distraction…”

Emily stared as he looked thoughtfully into the night. A.. distraction? Emily’s heart foolishly skipped a beat.

“Perhaps you could consider joining the new recruits in their training? Or perhaps help me oversee the training.”

Oh.

“You want me to train as a soldier?” Emily was surprised (and possibly a bit disappointed).

“Well, not a soldier exactly.. I was thinking about a scout perhaps, even just for around Haven…”

“Right.. Yeah, that really would be a bit of a distraction I guess..” Emily did her best to sound excited about it. The ‘I guess’ didn’t really help on that front. “Gives me something new to do… but what about my current responsibilities?”

“There are plenty of people who can fill those duties for you, new people arrive every day, looking for work.”

Emily wondered if they even had enough to pay them.

“Tomorrow I’m going to be doing a briefing at noon - come if you’re interested.”

-

Emily woke up early the next morning in a cold sweat. The sketches of dreams beside her covered in dirty sketches of the abominations that plagued her every time she was anxious.

She took it upon herself to purposefully burn the sketches (along with her horrendous drawing attempts from the night before) in the morning fire.

Leliana was going to and from the chantry and her tent, and Emily gave her a friendly wave, hoping she didn’t wander over and see her terrible drawings.

She managed to rid herself of the atrocities when her attention was drawn towards the base of the camp. There was a merchant there, Seggrit, Emily believed his name was. He was dragging a cart of blankets, which had toppled over, being far overfilled. She jumped the wall and ran over to help him out.

A few nearby chantry sisters also came to help him.

“Oh, sorry to trouble you all.” Seggrit smiled wryly. Emily couldn’t help but think he was a bit greedy, selling things when people had nothing. At least they were apparently decent prices, nobody really complained about him.

“Seggrit!” came a voice that Emily recognized. She looked up past the small pile of blankets in her hands and saw Bracen, of all people, waving to him. Seggrit seemed to tense up a bit. “Hauling all these blankets alone? A bit of a ruckus this early!”

Seggrit cleared his throat and straightened up.

“Well, I remembered I had some connections to a supplier you see--”

“A supplier?” chimed in one of the chantry sisters. “The Inquisition was hoping to find one before, especially for blankets.”

“Ah.. yes...” Seggrit stuttered.

“You got these especially for the Inquisition?” another one said, excited. “I knew you had a heart in you!”

Seggrit however, looked as if said heart had fallen right out of his body. Completely defeated as the chantry sisters scrambled to put everything back on the cart. Clearly he meant to sell them.

“You are going to deliver this to the chantry, right? Let us help you!”

“I.. yes.. Please do.” Seggrit cast a hopeless look in Emily’s direction. Emily looked away as fast as she could and threw more blankets on the cart. She heard him call Panosa a knife ear once, that was enough for her not to help him out.

“I trust you all will get it there then,” she said, trying not to sound smug.

Bracen came up to her again as she waved them away.

“Thanks to you, the Inquisition got them for free.” Emily said to him when the cart was out of earshot.

Bracen smiled at her.

“No no, Seggrit did that himself.” he chuckled. “Oh, actually… I was just on my way to see you.”

Emily looked up, confused.

“To see me?”

“Yes, well I did want to thank you for before again… I managed to talk to Ser Solas before he left you see.”

He looked off, as if excited about something.

“You found the answers you were looking for then?” Emily asked.

“Not the answers, persay,” he said. “But the means to find them, yes.”

His eyes seemed to sparkle in the morning light as he looked down at her. Emily thought he perhaps looked like a literal beam of sunlight. Was that where the term ‘beaming’ came from? An expression as happy and fulfilled as his?

“You have given me purpose again and I will always be grateful to you.” Bracen gently took her hands, holding them caressingly.

Emily suddenly wondered if he might like her romantically. It seemed rather intimate a gesture.

“You.. seem much more confident than before,” she said, not sure what to do. “I’m glad you seem to have found yourself.”

His grip tightened on her hands before letting them go. He bowed slightly to her.

“All thanks to you,” he said.

Emily blushed slightly. Mostly embarrassed at the gesture. He bade her farewell, but his eyes seemed to linger on her longer than normal. Was she just imagining it? She sighed.

She looked at the sky, at the scar of the breach, then gauged the position of the sun - she really needed a pocketwatch or something. She still had quite a bit of time before noon, when she was meant to meet the Commander.

Best check in on Panosa. She felt like she hadn’t had any quality time with her recently.

Of course, Panosa was totally fine. Emily found her in their tent, pouring over the last book Solas had given her.

“Emily!!” Panosa bounced up when she entered. “Are you free right now? I want to try something! Please!”

So that’s how they ended up near the closed off pathway, hidden from view.

The reason? Solas. Solas and his fucking books. Solas and a _hidden staff_.

He had decided to give her tips, apparently, in dreams about casting actual offensive spells. And at some point he had managed to hide a staff in the unused section of Haven. Emily really needed to have a word with him. Learning was one thing, but he wasn’t even present to make sure things didn't literally blow up in their faces.

Since Panosa had dragged Emily all the way out there, she didn’t really want to crush the girl’s dream. Also she _may_ have been a bit curious as to what she could actually do. Magic was scary yes, but also, really **really** cool. She was going to try to make a stable fireball. Apparently that was the first step with that particular offensive move. 

“Ok..” Panosa furrowed her brow in concentration. “I just .. need to..”

Emily felt a shiver run down her back. Then suddenly, in the palm of Panosa’s hand, a tiny flicker of flame appeared.

It disappeared as quickly as it came. They both stood silent for a moment.

“Try again,” Emily said quietly. Panosa quietly nodded. She didn’t want to make too large a flame. It was all about control.

This time Emily paid attention to the things around her. The air felt incredibly still right before the spell was cast. She had never noticed this before. Then again, she had only seen offensive spells a handful of times, and usually in the midst of battle where focusing on the casting was hardly the focus of her attention.

Then there was the family tickling sensation. She shivered.

Another flame appeared in Panosa’s hand.

“There, now hold it there!” Emily had been reading the book with her. You have to really work at it to make the flame stay there, since it has nothing to burn.

“I’m.. trying…” Panosa groaned out. A bead of sweat ran down her forehead.

Suddenly the flame burst out and grew to three times its size. It caught edge of Emily’s hair, singeing it.

Panosa cried out, and fell back, the flame gone out. Emily, heart beating fast, patted out her hair and helped up a shaken Panosa.

“S… sorry,” Panosa had tears at the corner of her eyes, she was scared.

“That.. was really cool.” Emily had to contain her excitment. She was scared, sure, but a little girl had literally just conjured up fire right in front of her eyes. That was amazing. “Seriously, you have a gift Panosa. It’s ok that you’re out of practice, Solas is like, an old man, I bet he sucked once, too.”

Not to imply that a little girl sucked or anything.

Panosa started to sob.

“Wh.. what’s wrong?” Emily knelt down and wiped the tears from Panosa’s face.

“You’re so nice to me,” she said. “I love you, Emily.” Then she started to cry more.

Emily felt tears well up in her eyes. This kid, seriously. She pulled her into a hug.

“I love you too, Panosa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A different kind of love story emerges… LOL. Just kidding. I promise lots of real romance is coming! Thanks for sticking with this story despite my wonky update schedule. Love you all thank you for reading ;u; !!! MORE SOON I PROMISE! <3 I already have half of the next chapter written out. (:


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency:  
> At least once a week? It might be more. I'm really on a roll right now LOL

Emily needed to cut off part of her hair before returning to camp. Seriously, how would she explain singed hair? A haircut though, that was super easy to explain away.

She dropped Panosa off at the chantry, and one of the chantry sisters complimented her on the shorter style. She had only cut off maybe about an inch and a half, but the difference was enough for people she saw every day to notice.

By this point she realized it was nearly noon - she had to meet up with Cullen and the other recruits.

She was a tad nervous, but she tried not to look it as she walked over.

She ran into Norwell on her way there, and was immediately relieved to see him. In fact she hadn’t seen him for quite a while. He obviously had heard she was participating in the training and wished her luck, saying he was going to be there to help with demonstrations and sparring.

Apparently they were gonna be sparring. Emily was less excited for it upon hearing that. She wasn’t entirely sure she would be any good at any of it, especially not something as physically taxing as sparring.  

Cullen greeted the two of them as they approached. There were about fifteen other people around, waiting for the training to start. Some seemed confident, others were a bit nervous. There were only three elves, and Emily noted there was in fact a dwarf among them as well.

The Commander started by outlining what was expected of them, and had them run along the lake to warm up. It was a bit icy and at first was a bit difficult to actually run, but towards the end Emily found it a bit easier (even though she was badly out of breath).

After that the training itself was fairly straightforward. The had to do basic strength exercises, yes, but the bulk of it was learning proper techniques. For the first lesson, the Commander didn’t want anyone untrained to wield swords at all. He had everyone pick up a shield first, saying that proper defense was the best way to stay alive and helpful on a battlefield. He taught them to angle it slightly downward in case of magical attacks - so it wouldn’t bounce off and injure them further or spray them or their comrades in the face or anything.

They practiced defending themselves from swords by having some of the actual soldiers come at them with wooden swords. They learned different shield positions and tried out different types and sizes. Emily was told she would benefit from a lighter shield. Fairly obvious considering she was not the bulkiest of people.

By the end of the day she was absolutely exhausted. They had only trained for a few hours but she was ready for bed.

Commander Cullen congratulated them and said he would see them again tomorrow, dismissing them all. However he waved Emily over, his eyes smiling.

“Not too rough a first day, was it?” he gently teased her. Emily smiled at him.

“It was about what I expected,” she laughed a bit. “I learned a lot. Thank you.”

“I can expect to see you tomorrow then..?” the commander asked. Emily realized he wasn’t sure if she actually wanted this or not, since it had been entirely his suggestion.

“Yes, of course,” she answered confidently. “I can’t let this group do this on their own, not after seeing how hard they are trying. I’ll do my best.”

Cullen nodded.

“Perhaps it is rude of me to say this but…” Cullen paused. “Your friend.. By remembering her, you can move forward with new purpose. Your friend will be happy to be remembered, happy you’re moving on. She would want you to, I’m sure”

Emily smiled with a hint of sadness.

“You always give me good advice, thank you Commander.”

 

It was as she was dragging herself back to her tent that she ran into Bracen again. Well, more like he ran up to her - with a very large and excited wave at that. He certainly was starting to draw a lot of attention to them.

She came up with a half assed excuse of being unable to talk with him right then because she needed to be in the chantry. He let her go, thank goodness. She was far too tired to deal with his possible advances right then.

She entered the chantry, intending to hide out for a bit before she could truly return to her tent, and ended up running right into Panosa as she was finishing helping the other elven women with chores for the day.

“You look so….thoughtful!” Panosa observed innocently. “Are you okay?”

Thoughtful? Panosa was starting to talk like Solas. She was starting to talk like Solas and he wasn’t even present.

Emily ended up telling her about her friend. How she had remembered her and felt upset about it. Then how she took extra training to keep her mind off it in her own silly way.

“Is that it?” Panosa said. “You seemed out of breath -it was just the training?”

Something in her tone made it seem like she was disappointed. Clearly she didn’t understand the implication of missing somebody she didn’t remember right then.

“I was also running away from Bracen for the moment..” Emily admitted, then lowered her voice. “I believe he is enamored with me, I think it would be best to give him space right now.”

“Bracen?” Panosa said his name like she knew him. “Is he a mage?”

“Y-yes he is…” Emily said wearily, unsure how the girl would know this.

“Ooh, the other ladies talk about him sometimes when we do laundry,” Panosa whispered, like she knew it was not good to gossip about people in the middle of the chantry, but still was going to do it anyway. “They said he was ‘odd but pretty’ I think.”

Emily starts to laugh, because of course they would. She could totally see that description being accurate as well.

“Do they now?” she was still laughing. “Who else do they talk about then?”

“Well, sometimes they talk about Solas,” Panosa murmurs. “Say he’s handsome but hard to approach. Nobody wants to get to know him. I told them that he was nice and they should. They don’t really understand though….”

Emily nodded. It did seem like people tended to avoid Solas. However, it seemed as if he almost preferred it that way. As if he enjoyed his solitude.

“Oh!” Panosa exclaimed again. “They ask about you sometimes, and how you are.”

“About me?” Emily was mostly confused. Why did they need to gossip about her? She was hardly interesting.

“Yes!” Panosa giggled. “I told them how much I love you and how you are kind and gentle with a good heart.”

Ah, that’s where the gentle and good heart rumour came from then, Panosa had started it. Emily found that rather amusing. Panosa was a gift.

“Solas said that before after all!”

Wait, _what_?

 

-

 

Emily spent much of that evening again attempting to draw Trish’s face. She still sucked, probably not shocking. She got frustrated and ended up trying to draw Solas instead. That looked even worse because she could actually remember what he looked like and just how bad her drawing actually was. Not true to life in the slightest. She couldn’t get the major details right, let alone the tiny things that she noticed in his face.

She burned the pictures as soon as she had finished. No way in hell anyone was ever going to see those. Nope.

She finished off her evening by sketching some clouds instead - the one thing she could draw with any sort of consistency. She felt better.

 

The next few days went by in a whirlwind for her. The training was exhausting and her drawing was still bad. She found being tired when she slept at least made her dreams less disturbing, which was basically the only bonus to it.

She couldn’t wait to improve.

 

One day Panosa woke up in the morning and started telling her about her conversation with Solas that night in the fade. Apparently they had met up that night and studied together.

Apparently Panosa didn’t know how to keep her mouth shut, because she had told Solas (quite innocently, which was infuriating) both about Bracen and about her memory returning.

He _apparently_ had only commented on the memory bit.

“He told me to tell you that ‘it is unfortunate that you’ve lost your friend, but beneficial that you remembered her’.” Panosa used a slightly deeper voice, as if to mimic Solas in that way that children do. “‘However you told me you wanted to forge new memories, did you not? You may very well have grown into an entirely different person from when you knew your friend. Embrace who you are now’.”

Her ability to recall things word for word was a bit freaky. Emily could almost imagine Solas was in the room telling her that instead.

Emily told Panosa to thank him for his advice next time she talked with him (since _she_ regrettably couldn’t, she was still trying not to be bitter about that), but then also mentioned that maybe it would be better to ask first if Panosa was planning to share details about her life.

At least Panosa hadn’t told Solas that Emily was training to be a soldier. Somehow Emily figured that wouldn’t sit well with him.

 

-

 

Two weeks passed in the blink of an eye. News, when it comes, travels very quickly. Soon everyone knew the things that were happening in Val Royeaux. Apparently the templars had gone completely mad, even going so far as to turn their backs on the chantry. Chancellor Roderick didn't seem particularly happy about the news but attempted to assure everyone that this was probably just false news. He was largely ignored.

Emily was glad to hear that it seemed their group was safe. They were apparently to meet with a few interested parties before returning to Haven. She was excited, to say the least. Not just to see Solas. She missed Max and Varric, and was excited to hear about Val Royeaux. 

 

Her training was actually progressing very well. She found that she was rather lithe once she had stopped being tired from all the running and such, and she was able to evade attacks very well. It helped she felt like she could think like a child (thanks to Panosa) in a way that allowed her to stay hidden in the shadows well, something useful on the battlefield for stealth and surprise attacks. Cullen was extremely impressed. Emily found herself a bit enamored with his praise. 

However, her training with Cullen was nearing an end, nearly three weeks after it started. It _was_  just basic training, they could choose their specialties afterwards, whether they wanted to train with the sword and shield or use a bow or otherwise… It was up to them. They had a few more weeks to go yet, but the end was nearing fast.

She was good friends with the rest of the trainees, and a lot of the soldiers who often helped them now too.

After practice one day, she was congratulated personally by commander Cullen himself for working so hard and improving so fast. Praise she had come to admire.

“The soldiers are quite impressed with you too,” he told her. Emily coloured a bit.  “A few have expressed interest in giving you flowers.”

He seemed to scowl a bit at that. Emily was flattered, however.

“Good thing flowers are so hard to come by in Haven…” Cullen muttered.

Emily figured he was upset because the soldiers could have been focusing on training instead of her.

“If it’s flowers, I would rather they plant them in the chantry or something rather than gift them to me anyways…” she said, partially to sate his bad mood. She was telling the truth though, what would she do with flowers? She was always out of her tent (not that there was room for them in there) so she wouldn’t be able to enjoy them anyways. Better for everyone to see and benefit from them rather than just her. Cullen raised an eyebrow at her.

“I’ll be sure to pass along the message…” he said. “If you’ll excuse me… I .. have a bit of a headache.”

He limped off.

 

Not more than a week later, and there _was_ in fact a small garden in the chantry. Originally dedicated to Emily (which she found shocking, as she had mostly said it in jest) but it had grown a bit and everyone was sort of looking after it.

It greatly increased the mood. The beautiful colours and scents were a vast change from the outside, which was always one shade - snow. The snow _could_ be beautiful, yes, but when you saw it every day, it seemed dull and boring.

However, even though Emily saw the sky every day, _that_ never seemed to get boring. Probably because it was always changing. Also she enjoyed attempting to predict the weather. She actually delivered her predictions to Lady Montilyet daily, so that they might change their schedules to fit the weather when there was a storm coming. They weren’t always 100% accurate, but Emily was still trying to work out the kinks anyways.

 

Panosa had improved her fireball. She could hold it stable for as long as she wanted without anything blowing up in their faces. Emily learned to keep her distance though.

She ended up cutting Panosa’s hair a few times, and Panosa ended up with a (rather adorable) set of bangs and a pixie cut, due to singeing her hair so unevenly that it was all Emily could do to salvage it. She told Panosa that she needed her to pretend she wanted that haircut. Panosa didn’t mind it at all, she said she didn’t need to brush it this way. _Always the simple kid_.

Emily told her they should hold off on practicing any more new techniques until Solas made his return though, because she would rather neither of them die, especially if she wanted to practice lightning (Panosa really wanted to practice lightning). She was also concerned that by growing Panosa’s power, it would attract attention in more ways than one. Both the attention of demons, and the attention of the ex-templars in Haven. She wasn’t sure how it worked, but it seemed like they were somehow able to sense when there were mages around. She knew she would eventually need to let somebody know, but it would be much better if Solas was around for that.

 

A few days before the Herald was meant to return, Emily had extremely dire news relating to the weather.

When she woke up early morning, as per her usual schedule, she noted that it was an extremely chilly day, and the wind whipped around her, blowing from east to south, a major danger sign for her. Above her were high altitude cirrus clouds, but along the horizon there was a line of darker, lower clouds rolling in.

Suddenly it hit her. This had been happening for a few days. It was only now that the winds were this high.She wouldn’t have been concerned earlier, but she missed all the signs. The air was thicker, wetter. More humid. They were in the perfect place to experience storms, right off the lake.

“Chilly day today, huh?” Threnn said to her. Emily gave her a concerned look.

“Prepare for a blizzard. It’s going to come fast.” Then she ran off to tell Montilyet. This was not going to be any ordinary storm, and Haven, despite its walls, was not the sturdiest of towns. Too many people lived outside the town in tents.

Within an hour, there was heavy snowfall. Not too bad but it was heavy and wet.

The entire training grounds was torn down and moved towards the walls of Haven, hoping to stop the winds from blowing it away.

Half the town was huddled in the chantry to protect themselves from the wind and snow.

Emily instructed Panosa to wait in the chantry with everyone as well. Emily grabbed her stuff from her tent (in case it blew away), intending to keep it safe in the Chantry for a bit.

She paused a moment, realizing she hadn’t touched her original clothes since she had put them away. It was no wonder, seeing as it didn’t fit the style in Haven anyways.

Intending to only take a moment, she curiously opened the pack to reveal her old clothes. The thing on top was her original jacket. She felt the smoothness of the material. It was nothing like the clothes here. A word came to mind - plastic. It felt plastic-y. She felt like that was a made up word. Nobody called anything plastic here.

She pulled it out, and noticed something strange. There was a weight to one side of it. Something was in the pocket. The pocket was done up with yet another strange thing, yet she _knew_. It was a zipper.

She unzipped it and reached inside.

She pulled out a small, rectangular… thing. It was hard, and was encased in a black cover. It looked oddly stylish. There was a word for this thing, it was on the tip of her tongue. On what she assumed was the front, below a large black rectangle, there was a small, circular button. Everything in her mind was telling her she needed to push that button, and something would happen.

Her heart beating fast, she pushed it.

Nothing happened.

Disappointed, she pushed it again, harder this time. Then again and again. Still, nothing happened. She sighed, then slid it back into her pack with her jacket. She had already wasted enough time in her tent, the wind was whipping the sides of it upwards and it was freezing inside. It would be dangerous to stay inside it any longer.

Stepping outside was pure white. Her hair whipped around her face, and she could barely see in front of her. A literal white out. If she hadn’t walked this route so often, she would have never found the chantry. She hoped everyone had made it inside somewhere safe.

She tripped over their usual campfire on the way there, but finally found the wall of the chantry and sidled her way to the door.

Panosa ran up to her when she stumbled in, basically looking like a snowman.

“I thought you blew away!” she cried, distress written clearly on her face. “Nobody would let me outside!”

“You know me,” Emily shivered with a smile. “I don’t blow away that easily!”

Panosa pulled her over to where she had been seated, it was among a bunch of other children. Emily was taken aback - when had there been this many children in Haven? Seriously, when did that happen?

Lady Montilyet approached her.

“It was no thanks to you quick thinking that we were able to prepare as quickly as we did for this storm,” she smiled at her. “The people who aren’t in the chantry have found refuge in the other cabins around Haven.”

Emily idly wondered if that meant anyone was in Solas’ cabin. That was a bit funny to imagine, but they needed shelter, after all. Hopefully Solas wouldn’t have minded.

There, she stayed with the children and other townsfolk, and waited the storm out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoooooooo boy hello everyone!  
> Sorry I spend so much time talking about Panosa LOL. I just get so attached to all sorts of characters, especially ones I create. She’s so cute in my head LOL. I can’t ignore her for too long! I promise it's not gonna only focus on her ~ Hopefully nobody is too bored with it LOL (everyone does seem to like Panosa tho?)  
> We are finally getting moving storyline wise which is really nice! I am excited hoo hoo hoooooo .........


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> It's been a while since I have updated... sorry about that! I haven't dropped this story by any means, I'm still really excited for things to come. 
> 
> Anyways, just to show you guys that I'm not dead, I did a small chapter as an update. 
> 
> I usually post an update frequency thing in the beginning notes but because it's been a while, you'll need to wait til the next update for my estimation...

The day after the blizzard, everyone pitched in to help dig out paths in the waist high snow, trying to regain some sense of normalcy in the tiny village. Emily was helping set the few tents they hadn’t lost back up when she  _ slipped _ . In hindsight, she totally saw the ice, she should have known.

She must have made quite a show of it. She cried out, and tried to save the tent parts she was carrying (bad idea), and ended up falling heavily on her left arm, in a very awkward position. 

Commander Cullen was immediately at her side, along with Norwell and a few other of her soldier friends. 

“Can you stand?” he asked, helping her up. She could stand just fine. 

“Ow…” she said, grasping her shoulder, it felt like it was on fire. She couldn’t move it. Cullen immediately examined it. 

“Looks like you dislocated it…” he said. Everyone around made a painful groan. They weren’t even the ones with the dislocated shoulder! 

“Alright everyone, back to work! I’m going to take her to the healer.” 

Despite the fact Emily could walk just fine, Cullen hefted her on her right side and gently walked her all the way to Adan’s hut. She was a bit glad for it though, not having use of her arm made her balance all wonky and the snow was still so high. 

Relocating a dislocated shoulder was extremely painful. Emily did not recommend it to anyone. She was the only person injured that day, much to her embarrassment. People must have seen her injury as a warning to be careful themselves.

She was told to rest it, which meant no heavy lifting, no shovelling snow, and  _ most certainly _ no training. Cullen assured her it was fine, she wouldn’t be missing much for a few days anyways. She was welcome to watch the lesson if she was concerned about missing something, but the commander didn’t find it necessary. In fact, he was very adamantly  **against** letting her come back to practice until it was completely healed. 

So Emily ended up in the Chantry instead, chatting with with Minaeve. Minaeve was working very hard on examining different things from defeated enemies. She was detailing stuff about demons, when she suddenly jumped up, and offered to Emily the chance to help her determine some new things. She had some bowstrings that she was going to examine next. It was nothing gruesome, and she assured her it would be simple enough to do together. 

So, that was how a slightly confused Emily ended up in the corner of Lady Montilyet office, carefully examining a waxy bowstring. Montilyet assured them that their work would not distract her - however Emily was rather unsure on that front. She tried to be as quiet as she could.

Despite the simplicity of it, it ended up being interesting work. She examined the strength of the string itself, and the material, and together her and Minaeve calculated how far and powerfully an arrow shot with the string would be able to go. Emily hadn’t realized that you could get that much data from a bowstring alone. Apparently, you could. Very strange. 

The good news was that the calculations were relatively simple. Emily was pretty good at them. Minaeve was very impressed. Off in the corner, Josephine, who had been listening, seemed to take note of this. Emily wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be concerned about that or not. 

“Where were these bowstrings from anyways?” Emily asked. 

“Oh, from the Hinterlands, I believe.” Minaeve said. “The Herald just came back from there after all.”

“The Hinterlands…” Emily couldn’t remember where that was. “That’s … Where is that?”

It was Lady Montilyet who pulled out a map and showed her where they were. Emily felt a tad embarrassed she couldn’t remember. The layout just felt so foreign to her. Neither Montilyet or Minaeve seemed to blame her though. She still hadn’t recovered the bulk of her memories after all. 

Minaeve thanked her profusely for her help, stating that she was very impressed with her understanding of numbers. She was “more proficient than most” apparently. Emily denied it but was a bit flustered anyways. Everyone was complimenting her abilities recently. Meanwhile, she’d just slipped and dislocated her arm on a little patch of ice. 

As she was leaving, Lady Montilyet called her back over to the desk. 

“Would you be interested in lessons?” she asked her. Emily balked. 

“Lessons?” she asked. 

“Yes, to study geography and history” the diplomat smiled. “When the Herald returns, I intend to give him lessons. You are welcome to join him.” 

Oh, Emily realised. She would be joining Max with his lessons. 

“Sure!” she agreed. It would be most interesting. Maybe it would trigger her memory. 

 

She spent the next week busy with Mineave, since her arm was still a bit sore, but was at least properly functioning now. Though Emily was concerned about losing some of the strength that she had built up through the weeks, she was assured that it would be fine and she could build it back again. It felt like a bit of a step backwards to her in a way.

When she inquired about mages healing her wound, she was informed that unless it was in dire need, allowing it to heal on its own was the best. Since she wasn’t about to head into battle, nobody saw any need for her to be immediately healed. Apparently it might cause problems later if it was done incorrectly anyways. 

Haven itself seemed mostly focused on repairs for the moment anyways, with less focus on the physical training aspect (though there was still a hefty amount, they were still at war after all).

Emily found that she almost missed the smell of metal that came with constantly training with a shield and sword. It was almost strange to not have her hands linger with the scent of it at the end of the day. 

 

-

  
  


The day the Herald returned was a very nice day, weather wise. The sun shone bright in the sky, it was clear, no clouds, no wind. It was good the storm came before he arrived, it would have been dangerous if they'd come even just a few days earlier. Much of the dangerous ice had already been dealt with or covered with new snow, and was no longer an issue. Emily was bemused over how much luck Max seemed to have. 

He arrived with a slightly larger party than he had left with. Two extra people were with him that Emily didn't recognize (she spent a lot of time feeding hungry mouths, she could recognize when somebody new was around).

One was a regal looking woman, with a straight back and extravagant attire. While the other was quite the opposite - mismatched clothes and a haircut that looked like she’d lobbed it off for convenience rather than appearance.

After a brief greeting (in which Solas hadn’t cast a glance to Emily...), Cassandra and Max rushed towards the chantry. Emily frowned after them. It must have been urgent. Did that mean there was trouble in Val Royeaux? 

She looked around but Solas had already disappeared elsewhere. She wanted to talk to him. And also scold him for leaving a staff for Panosa, oh yes, she definitely had  _ not  _ forgotten about that.

Instead, she went off to find the Herald. At least  _ he  _ would want to talk to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all your kudos and comments.. the last chapter got a bunch and I am super grateful for all of them! 
> 
> See you again soon ! (:


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating, turns out breaking up with your bf makes it really hard to write a story where people are supposed to fall in love lol. I had to take a while to recover else make the character really depressed. Sorry everyone, I know you were really enjoying the story. I hope to write more of it more often, might take a little while to get back into it. 
> 
> (Also I just returned from a month long trip in Japan and I feel renewed ... and I'm going to quit my current job so I'm planning on having a ton of time to write!)
> 
> Estimated Update Frequency: Once every two weeks?

 

 

Emily spotted Max coming out of the chantry as she wandered around, he was with the Lady Nightingale. Max was looking around a bit, not surprising since reconstruction was still happening. Emily was close enough to overhear their conversation, and she was sure that Leliana was aware of this.

“What.. happened here?” Max asked Leliana, concern in his voice. Emily was not surprised at his question, she slowly walked over to them.

“A snowstorm blew through, white out conditions, it damaged a lot. It would have been worse though, if Emily here didn’t know so much about the weather. She let us know immediately and we were able to prepare for it with ample time. Nobody was injured or froze to death.” Leliana’s eyes sparkled a bit in Emily’s direction. Emily felt her face colour. Lady Nightingale did not seem like the kind of person to hand out easy praise. 

Max seemed to only just realize Emily was there, and he greeted her wholeheartedly. Emily’s stared downwards, unsure how to take the praise that had just been directed towards her by such a high standing person. She found herself staring straight at Lady Nightingale’s feet. Well, her shoes. She had never noticed how beautiful and intricate they were, as they were usually covered by her robes. They must have been a custom design, for nobody else owned something as delicate as that that Emily was aware of. 

She blurted out a greeting and some sort of compliment on how beautiful her shoes were or something or other, then immediately felt stupid. Who even compliments shoes? What a dumb thing to say. 

The Lady Nightingale simply thanked her, then immediately departed stating she had things to see to, Emily couldn't bring herself to look up at her face. 

“She seems like she’s not much of a conversationalist, but really she just doesn’t like to open up to people.” Max said to Emily, just loud enough so the departing figure of Leliana could hear it. Emily smiled despite her embarrassment.

“Everyone deserves to decide their own level of privacy after all,” Emily responded, feeling better now that they were left alone.

“Well, nevertheless, it seems like you worked hard while we were away!” Max exclaimed, gesturing Emily to walk with him. Emily embarrassment returned.

“It was nothing really…” she stared at the ground as she walked, willing the conversation to move from the topic of herself. “I’m sure you did much more work in Val Royeaux. How did the negotiations go?” 

Max frowned and pulled her aside. They were very close to Solas’ hut, away from the bustle of people and listening ears. Solas however, was not there.

“Actually, it didn’t go as well as we hoped,” he frowned, but continued. “Well, we expected the worst but… we were completely blown off, and the templars were even there! They caused a huge commotion in the crowd before publicly deciding Val Royaux was not “worthy of their time” or something ridiculous like that. We couldn’t even get a word in. Even Lady Cassandra was aghast.” 

Emily was surprised, all the templars in Haven seemed to be relatively good people. 

“They said  _ what _ ??!”

“It was awful,” Max nodded. “The Lord Seeker - kind of like the leader of the templars - acted so rude, he said he came to laugh and see “what frightens old women so”. I’m not convinced they will help us close the breach.” 

“What a dick,” Emily said plainly. Max let out a chuckle at her profanity. 

“Afterwards, we were invited suddenly to a party and received a different sort of greeting by word of arrow.” 

“Word of arrow?” Emily asked. 

“Yes, arrow. Terrifying thing to have suddenly fly in front of your face, but that was what happened.” 

“You were attacked??” Emily asked, concerned. 

“No no, turned out it was Sera - bit of a strange girl, I’m sure you’ll see her around - she wanted to be our ally.” Max shook his head, seeming to not know how he felt about the whole thing. 

“An odd way of greeting somebody…” Emily was however, intrigued. This was much more interesting than her stories. And she wasn’t really sure she wanted to tell Max that she slipped and dislocated her shoulder (though she was sure he would find out by somebody else eventually). 

“If you encounter a regal, stiff looking mage… don’t look her in the eye. One wrong move and I’m fairly certain she will somehow curse you.” 

“Can mages do that?”  Emily recalled seeing a lady matching that description ride in that morning. She shivered. 

“I’m sure she could somehow manage it. She asked to join and I honestly felt as if my only answer could be yes.” 

“It’s good we have more allies though…” Emily knew they needed those. 

“Yes… I found a merchant with connections as well, I’m sure you will be dealing with her soon, she seemed like a good lady, wanted to help out and all that…” 

Max got derailed for a bit, telling an interested Emily all about the things in Val Royeaux. He was part way through telling her about the bathrooms there when he stopped, seeming to remember an important detail. 

“Actually, as we left the city, we met another interesting member. The Grand Enchanter Fiona.” 

Emily’s eyebrows raised. She was sure that was meant to be an impressive title. It was likely somebody important. Sounded like magic.

“She offered us her aid in closing the breach.” Max said in a dubious manner. “Invited us to Redcliffe and everything.” 

“Why do you sound so uncertain about it?” Emily asked. Max frowned. 

“You may look down on me for thinking this, but I believed it was a mage who caused the breach...” he trailed off. 

“Fiona doesn’t control all mages… besides, if a mage opened the breach, surely a mage could close it? In that regard, would they not be _ responsible  _ for closing the breach?”

“You sound like Solas,” Max chuckled. Emily coloured but ignored his remark.

“Besides, what other options do you have?" Emily pointed out. "You said the templars weren’t interested, right?” 

Max took a deep breath. 

“Cassandra believes others in the order may have seen how… upsettingly corrupt... he has become. She believes they would be willing to join us instead, which I agree with to a degree… And Cullen is sure that the templars can close the breach, he was one after all.” 

“Wait what?” Emily scrunched her eyebrows together. “You are talking like they have some sort of ability, like they aren’t just glorified soldiers who work for the chantry…?”  

It was silent for a moment, Max stared at Emily, then seemingly came to a decision on some internal conflict he was having. 

“The lyrium..” he said. Emily cocked her head, and he sighed. “They probably don’t want this going around, it’s a bit of a trade secret I think… but it’s the lyrium. You drink it. It’s addictive, but it gives you powers beyond basic capabilities. Suppress magic, stop it. It’s how they control the mages…..” 

Emily’s horrified look seemed to stop Max’s explanation. 

“It… really does sound awful when you put it that way,” he said “but they’ve been doing it for years.” 

Emily didn’t say anything, they shivered as a gust of wind pushed past them. Panosa had once stolen a vial of lyrium. Cullen's reaction made so much more sense now. The stuff was dangerous, especially to children. 

“Anyways… my point is that.. I’m not sure who to chase after, which side to choose.” Max frowned at the ground. 

Only a month prior, Emily would have scoffed at the predicament. But after spending time training with Cullen and seeing how dedicated to his cause he and his soldiers were… she wondered if others weren’t much the same. She had been saved by the templars (well, soldiers of the inquisition) multiple times. She had to give them credit. Anyone they could convince to come over would likely wholeheartedly be devoted to the cause. She took a moment to arrange her thoughts. 

“Honestly it  _ is _ a hard decision.. You will probably want to think on this a lot, talk to a lot of people, get different opinions… though, Max." Emily gave him her most honest and open look.  "I do honestly believe you should go to Redcliffe, you  _ were _ invited after all. They seem to be your best choice. It doesn't hurt to take a look at their offer, negotiate a bit, and see what comes of it.” 

Max nodded, accepting her advice. 

They parted soon after, with many new things to think about. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii back with another chapter! It took me a while to get this to where I wanted it but I think I am happy with this one now! 
> 
> Update frequency: Once a week? That's my goal!

“Assumptions, Scout Pellane. But no circle mage has ever been able to produce something like the breach…”

Emily pretended she didn’t hear the conversation between the scout and red haired elf. She was looking for Panosa. Conversations like that were becoming more and more commonplace it seemed.

Everyone wanted to blame the mages. Perhaps that was true. Though the elf seemed like she was skeptical of anyone doing it at all. Emily vaguely wondered if anyone had considered divine intervention of sort, kill them all. Though that would probably be considered heresy or something. She would keep it to herself. It sounded awfully dark, and all her friends were pretty much mages or templars. Panosa, Solas, Cullen, Cassandra….

Varric waved to her from his usual spot near the fire. Emily smiled and walked over to him. He was neither Mage nor Templar. No wonder everyone liked him.

“I heard all about Val Royeaux,” she said. “Terrible business….”

“Nahh,” Varric waved his hand dismissively. “We expected the welcome that we got. A bunch of crazy upstarts wandering into the chantry to get a blessing? Sounds like a fantastic idea, not. I heard that you were quite the hero here though!”

“Hero!” Emily exclaimed. “I was nothing of the sort!”

“Saved the whole town from disaster, probably saved some equipment, nobody died or froze to death… a storm like that always kills someone.”

Emily sheepishly kicked the snow at her feet for something to do other than look at his face. Turned out her obsession with the sky was useful after all.

“I think I’ll write that into my next book…” Varric was nodding to himself. “Next all you have to do is discover some vital information or slay a dragon or something and I’ll have the whole story - or at least a part of it, I was planning on writing about the Inquisition…”

“Riiiight, well then,” Emily figured he wanted to work on that so she was going to move on. “I’m gonna go find Panosa, I think...”

“Oh, I saw her with Chuckles not to long ago, she’s fine!” Varric said. Emily frowned.

“I should talk with him actually, so I’ll see you arou--”

“Ohhhh no you don’t!” Varric stopped her. Emily jolted in surprise. “You haven’t drank with me at the tavern even once, I’m finally back, let’s go unwind a bit!”

Emily tried badly to hide her scowl. The tavern would be getting very loud in an hour or so, even more so with more people celebrating the return of the Herald, they liked to celebrate at every chance they got - a totally fair thing to do. She wanted no part of it though. She had Panosa to look after, Solas to scold, dinner to help cook (technically the other ladies did that now though), she would be getting up early - she couldn’t go drinking!

“Drinks are on me!” Varric dragged her towards the tavern. Emily sighed.

 

\--

 

Somehow, she ended up sitting at a table in the back of the tavern with Varric, being fussed over by Flissa, with a pint of what she assumed was beer in front of her, and a hearty looking meal of potatoes and meat - cooked in a way she had never done in Haven. It seemed like the tavern had it’s own kitchen, mainly run by Flissa (she was impressed). Emily supposed that most people did not have the coin to pay for the tavern’s heartier meals on a frequent basis. Most people around her only had drinks, despite it being dinner time.

“Sounds like an investment! Better pay off.. Stupid war, and everything. I had things to do!” A particularly loud voice caught Emily’s attention, and she turned to look. By the door sat the Herald with the elf girl with the weird chopped hair from earlier. How Emily didn’t notice the Herald when she had walked in with Varric was vaguely concerning to her - the tavern was _not_ that large. Her observational skills were clearly subpar, Cullen would be disappointed.

Max was laughing and went to stand up when he spotted Emily (who was, admittedly, staring right at him) he waved and walked over, the elf girl following him.

“Emily! I’ve never seen you in here before!” Max declared, a bit louder than Emily would have liked. She coloured as a few other patrons glanced over. The Herald _had_ just called her by her first name in a friendly way after all, they probably thought she was important or something.

“Ah, this is Sera, I mentioned her earlier remember?” he said, stepping aside to properly introduce her.

The elf boldly walked up and leaned towards Emily with a smile.

“Talked about me before then, eh? No formal introductions - I’m Sera, good to see ya.” Emily gave her a confused smile. The girl had a really harsh accent, and was definitely less formal in her speech.

“Right, yeah, I’m uhh, Emily,” she awkwardly stood like she wanted to bow or something. She wasn’t sure how to deal with somebody like this. Maybe nobody did. “Nice to meet you,”

“Hahaha, cute one isn’t she?” Sera laughed, then took a seat beside her. Varric had a goofy smile on his face, and Max came and sat with them.

The next - hour? Two hours? Emily wasn’t really sure - were spent socializing and drinking some of the most watered down godawful beer that Emily had ever tasted. She didn’t remember disliking beer but it certainly had never been this bad, right? She felt glad it wasn’t her paying for it (even though she had few expenses to begin with). She figured if she ever felt so inclined she could simply start her own beer brand, make it actually taste good. There was a fortune waiting there for sure - Josephine would be interested.

Emily would admit that the alcohol it made it much easier to talk to people, so she got a second drink. Soon their table size grew,  soldiers and refugees would join in to hear Varric tell over dramatised versions of his voyage to Val Royeaux, and to say they shared a table with the Herald. They were all people she recognized but hadn’t really taken the time to know, it was a bit fun to laugh with all of them - even though quite a few smelled fairly bad, something she found less offensive as the night drew on. The bathhouses were fairly restricted after all - she would need to do something about that…..

Sera kept touching her arm in a way that she thought might be flirting. She wasn’t entirely sure anymore. She smiled at her but tried not to look at her. How many drinks did she have? Four? Five? People kept handing her things - she wasn’t even sure if the beer in her hands was originally hers or not, she wasn’t even sure it was the same _kind_ of beer. People kept moving around her, and her head was swimming a bit. At one point the guy beside her had been named Joe. Or was it John?

The bard suddenly started playing music and everyone cheered. Did somebody pay her to sing? Of course they did. That’s what they were there for.

The beat was easy though, some of the guys got up and merrily started to dance. Laughs echoed in the room, dancing in and out of her head.

For some reason, Emily thought it looked like fun, like they were dancing in the clouds. The candlelight flickered gently across the dancing forms like lightning amongst the clouds. She might have said as much, before she was pulled up and prancing along with them. Hoots and cheers kept her going until suddenly the ceiling and walls were in all the wrong places, and she realized she was on the ground. She noticed her once dislocated arm throbbed for a minute, but then it passed and she forgot about it. It was fine.

Someone helped her up and she started trying to dance with them. Unfortunately they were being a major party pooper. She realized it was Max, who was making a concerned expression, and he apparently _wasn’t_ trying to dance with her. Hadn’t he ever seen a dancing woman before? Did he think she was drunk? She didn’t have that much to drink did she? Nah.

Yet he was leading her to the door.

She slurred out something totally hilarious about her not being easy enough to sleep with him when they didn’t even have a first date yet - Herald or not. She missed his response - she was too busy running up towards Solas’ cabin with a “I’ll be totally fineeee” to Max who shouted after her, stumbling. So he _was_ drunk.

Solas was outside because _duuuuuhhhh_ , did he have anything better to do but stare up at the breach? Obviously not. He looked surprised to see her.

That was silly because she basically spent all her time looking for the damn elf whenever he was actually in Haven. Stupid elf. Stupid bald stupid elf.

“You look sooooo surprised to see me!” she exclaimed, trying to be friendly of course. She could go on the offensive once he relaxed a bit, insult his head then, talk about Panosa then. Emily noticed that Solas was motioning towards Max to return to the tavern, who somehow was reluctant to leave them. Weirdo.

“I am perhaps more surprised at your demeanor than I am at seeing you,” he replied calmly.

“Blah blah blahh, I hear you, something about my de-mean-nor…” she shook her head dramatically. “You wanna know something though? You don’t get to talk to me about demean.. ors… demining… you don’t get to talk about _things_.”

Solas blinked at her, she was clearly winning this argument. Emily lowered her voice and looked around dramatically.

“You left a staaaaaff….for an un---train---ed child… who set her ooooown hair on _fireee_.”

She thought she might be slurring a bit too much right now so she tried to reign it in - couldn’t let him think she was drunk or something, cause she definitely was _not_.

“I would advise you to lower your voice a bit,” Solas remarked. As if she didn’t have her voice lowered! This was top secret information!

“Can you maybe like, n _ot_ do that next time?” Emily tried again, he clearly was not listening. His stoic face was pissing her off. “That’s s **o** not cool, that is the opposite of cool, that is completely… terrible. Unprofessional. Not responsible. That’s the word. Responsible. As in --not.”

“Perhaps we could continue this conversation at a later time?” Solas suggested.

“ _No way_ , I have been looking for you alllll day - you are not getting out of this one… _mister_ …!” Emily pointed a finger in his face and squinted. She’d had to resort to her scolding voice. Solas sighed in exasperation. Emily was definitely winning this conversation.

“At least come inside then…” Solas opened the door to his cabin and gestured inside. Emily was mildly taken aback - no, scratch that. Very taken aback.

“So bold, if you’re tr _ying_ to  s e d u c e  me into letting you off easy then it is not gonna work - nu-uh,” Emily walked right in anyway, stopping just in the doorway, looking around. “If this is a kidnapping, you won’t get away with it, Max knows where I went, _he saw you._.”

“Where did you get the notion that I would do that?” Solas asked, shutting the door behind him. Emily turned to face him, and had to step back --- waaay back because wow he was really close.

“Red alert! Too close!” Emily bumped into the edge of his bed. “Ow! Surprise attack!”

She flopped over onto it. It was much more comfortable than the rock hard ground she usually slept on. Which was like, on the ground. On rocks, on snow. Rock hard. There were blankets but it was still so much rock.

“This is a soft surprise attack,” she giggled.

Solas said something, perhaps in protest. It sounded like ‘rent dude hat’ Emily rolled over. Perhaps it was ‘do not do that’, actually. Don’t do what?

“Everything is fiiine, stop worrying. Panosa’s hair turned out ok! I gave her a haircut. I don’t even cut my own hair but it worked out ok!”

She laughed and pulled all at the covers.

“Panosa would be waiting for you,” Solas said from somewhere beside her. “Emily..”

His voice echoed pleasantly in her head before she drifted off into the darkness of sleep, enveloped in a comfortable bed of clouds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm.... Emily wyd???? 
> 
> Unrelated but in my current playthrough of DA:I that I'm doing (not the one where I'm making decisions for this story), I'm romancing Sera. I love me some Sera, There's not really gonna be any Emily x Sera in a romantic sense but some playful flirting won't hurt anyone :P I mean, I had to~


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency: ODKJSLAGDSA I’M REALLY TRYING TO DO WEEKLY UPDATES. I still think I want to do weekly updates, even though its ending up bi-weekly… I’m gonna say that my updates are still weekly because if I say it enough maybe it will happen! D:< (that is my determined face emoji!!!)

“Ah,” said Solas, smiling at her from across the table. “It seems I was finally able to find you.”

“Find me?” Emily tilted her head at him. “You’ve been sitting here this whole time.”

She took in the small cafe around her. She liked this one. It was on the corner, right at the top of the hill. A bit more rustic and classic feeling. There was a cappuccino in front of her, she delightfully took a sip.

“You’re not gonna drink your tea?” Emily asked Solas, motioning towards his untouched cup.

“I.. am not too fond of tea,” Solas frowned.

“Oh, you should have told me, you could have ordered something else! It’s on me you know, I wouldn’t have minded.”

Solas simply nodded, looking around. “Do you frequent this establishment?” he asked with a strange expression on his face that Emily couldn’t quite place.

“Of course!” Emily smiled. “It’s quiet here, and there’s a great view of the sky right there. No buildings in the way…”

She went to look out at the window, but instead of the sky was swirling darkness. Odd.

Suddenly, a monster appeared at the glass, an abomination. It’s fiery gaze locked onto her. She stood up, an expected sense of fear driving her to move. The table disappeared and Solas was forgotten as she ran towards the exit.

She pushed open the door and tumbled, rolling down a sudden grassy hill. Lightning struck above her and she fell straight through the ground, until suddenly she was falling through the clouds.

Precipitation gently struck her face and enveloped her. She fell through the dark, dense cover of nimbostratus clouds, lightning continued to strike around her, but her fear dissipated. Clouds and storms weren’t scary, she knew all about them. She spread her arms and flew, watching the drops of water brush past her. Maybe she could find Solas again, fly with him.

The dark clouds gave way to fluffier, whiter cumulus clouds. She wished they were as cottony feeling as they looked. She spotted Solas under her, walking seemingly on top of the clouds. She rolled and landed in front of him, then flopped down.

“I’ll admit, your dreams are more than interesting,” he commented. “Though many people’s are.”

“What are you talking about?” Emily tilted her head to look at him. “Dreams?”

Wait a moment, was she not wanting to take control of her dreams?

“Am I dreaming?” she asked, suddenly disappointed. She ran her hands through the clouds around her, moisture sticking to her fingers. “I suppose that must be true. You can’t really walk in the clouds after all.”

The clouds faded away until all that was left around here was rock and damp darkness. Solas regarded her carefully, she looked back at him.

He seemed younger here, somehow. More carefree. His handsome features were relaxed. Did she also appear that way?

“I have not seen you in the Fade before,” he said, walking among the rocks, unfazed by the sudden change in environment.

“So.. is this what the Fade looks like then?” Emily asked, glancing around. In the distance, what appeared to be some sort of.. Castle? City? Loomed in the distance.  For a moment she wished she could be there, but was suddenly appalled by the thought a second later. The things around her almost seemed fuzzy and unfocused. Fine when she saw it from the corner of her eye, but unable to see it clearly when she turned to look. She would dare say that it was giving her a headache. A dream headache.

She forced her gaze back to Solas, who was staring at her for some reason.

“What?” she tried her best not to look away, she would rather look at Solas than an environment that doesn’t seem to know what it wants.

“I wonder if somehow the alcohol you consumed has anything to do with your connection?” Solas theorized.

“Alcohol?” Emily cocked her head.

In that moment, it all came to her in one fell swoop. The night, the dancing, yelling at Solas and - oh god.

“Solas, w-where am I sleeping right now?”

“Oh my bed,” he replied calmly. Emily’s eyes widened.

“Oh shit!” she crouched down, her head bowed low. “Ahh I knew I should have turned the drinks down! I’m so stupid!”

Solas simply chuckled. “I’ll admit, I am not sleeping the most comfortably right now, but thanks to my travels on the road, it doesn’t particularly bother me.”

“I”m so sorry Solas!” Emily’s face burned. “About lots of things… like the yelling at you! And the being drunk thing! And -- falling asleep on your bed… Oh gosh. How do I wake up! I’m mortified!”

“You wish to wake up? Would you not rather sleep it off?” Solas cocked his head knowingly. Intelligent fool.

“Am I that drunk? Wait, what time is it now? I haven’t overslept have I? Where’s Panosa?”

“I can’t speak for how you will be feeling in the morning,” Solas answered, his face twitching in amusement. “It is only early enough to just be considered morning.”

“Early morning…” Emily thought, covering her face. So probably somewhere around four or five in the morning, the sun would just be rising.  She wasn’t sure how Solas knew the time, but he was also way better than her at the whole fade magic thing.

“Also, I’m right here!” a voice that was not Solas’s suddenly chimed beside her. She snapped her head up to look, and there, standing before her, was a smiling Panosa.

Shocked, Emily looked back and forth from Solas to Panosa a few times.

“P-Panosa?” she managed to stutter out. “You’re in the Fade here too?”

“Sure!” she said. “You aren’t sleeping too far away. Solas told me where you were too so you’re easy to find.”

She looked around interested.

“No dream here though?” she asked. “That’s weird, right? Isn’t that weird ser Solas?”

Solas chuckled.

“Her dream of clouds fell apart as soon as she realized where she was. Considering no demons were taking part, that means it was just her own mind was creating the images we saw. Once she realized it’s falsity, it faded away. I have not yet replaced it with a whim of my own. I find it more interesting to see what she will do.”

Panosa stared at him, nodding thoughtfully, trying to be all adult like. Emily could see them doing this pretty much every night. Wait, _hadn’t_ they been doing this almost every night? The secret mage club, right?

“Wait a minute, I’m in the secret mage club!” Emily shot up excitedly. The other two gave her a confused look - a look that she didn’t see too often on Solas, at least not one this openly.

“I mean, I’m not a mage but like, I’m _here_ , in the _Fade_. Finally! I made it!” she felt like dancing again, but considering her last attempt at dancing was likely extremely embarrassing, she allowed only a giddy grin instead. It was hard to control your emotions here, everything seemed so amplified!

Little flowers sprouted around her, but they had clouds for tops instead of the usual petal shape. Cool!

“What would happen if I picked the flower here?” she asked Solas, smiling wide.

“What would happen if you picked a flower usually?” Solas challenged.

“Answering my question with another question huh?” she nodded. “I see where it’s at. Well, nothing much would happen if I did so…”

She scooped down and broke the stem of the flower, bringing up to smell. It smelled like just before it rained. Huh, very unsurprising. Curious, she blew the cloud, and it fluttered outwards like a dandelion, leaving only the stem behind.

“Wow...” she smiled again for about the fiftieth time in the past minute. “It’s so life like… I really believe I just blew a cloud shaped flower…”

When she glanced up, Solas’ eyes were twinkling at her, and Panosa was chasing the little separated cloud spores around, shooting little bursts of fire at them.

“I hope I can come back tomorrow night…” she said, sitting down among her little cloud flowers. “You’ll tell me all about it, right Solas? The Fade I mean?”

“Of course. I will endeavor to share what I can,” he said. “Unfortunately, it appears as though our evening will be coming to a close soon…”

Emily followed Solas’ gaze, and watched as Panosa shimmered and disappeared, right in the middle of casting another fire spell.

“I hope she doesn’t wake up in the middle of casting and set our tent on fire…”

Emily had just finished saying that, only to turn and find herself standing alone in the Fade.

Stupid Solas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING. Just wanted to say that! When I see that people are clicking and reading it, leaving comments… it really makes writing this story feel more fulfilling! So thank you all again! 
> 
> Sorry this ended up being a shorter chapter! The stuff that happens next just ?? It didn't really seem to fit into this one! Hopefully that means the next chapter will be a bit more lengthy.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency: Once a week. I can almost say that (and not be lying about it)! Now let's hope I stick with it! (it was 9 days since my last post which is... slightly over the week-long mark but I'm getting there!)
> 
> This is a larger chapter than usual, over 3k words, so I hope you enjoy!

Emily was slowly pulled into consciousness. A warm sensation ran through her, and she felt as if she was wrapped in comfort itself. She slowly opened her eyes... 

… and stared straight into the face of Solas. 

To say she wasn’t surprised would have been a bold-faced lie. She was used to waking up next to Panosa at this point, but seeing Solas was a whole different matter. She realized after a moment that he wasn’t actually lying beside her at all, rather he was simply crouched next to the bed instead. 

His eyes were closed but he seemed to sense her wakefulness regardless. 

“Good morning,” he said, opening his eyes. Emily thought she saw a hint of light behind them for a moment, as if they were glowing. Was that a mage thing? Hold on - was he casting magic? Was he possessed?? 

“Wha…” Emily struggled to find words for a moment, her brain still caught up in the fog of sleep. She had just been talking to Solas in the Fade, right. There was no way he was possessed. She pushed away those thoughts. 

“I did not want you to be too ill upon your waking, so I took it upon myself to give you a small burst of healing magic” Solas explained. “How do you feel?”

So the eye thing was a magic thing then. She would have to see if Panosa’s eyes glowed when she cast magic. She honestly hadn’t noticed before. She felt like she should notice these things.

“Good morning I.. feel fine,” she choked out, her throat was dry. But no hangover, and no abominations. “Thank you Solas, you shouldn’t have.” 

“Yes, well I figured you would not want to deal with a headache as you leave my cabin in the early waking hours, after spending the night here.” 

Emily’s face coloured with the obvious implications. Oh shit. Cheeky elf. 

She looked around. She had thankfully not taken any of her clothes off or anything last night in her drunken stupor (unless.. She took them off and put them back on? Seemed unlikely, she could barely figure out some of the ties when she was sober, let alone drunk), but she was sure that people had seen her go in, and was fairly certain somebody would see her leaving. 

Of course, she  _ would _ need to leave at some point. Maybe if she got lucky nobody would see her and none would be the wiser. That wasn’t likely but Emily could pretend. 

Good thing she only had one good pair of clothes. 

She peeked out his front door, and of course, there was Adan, outside his stupid cabin, doing who knows what. She was sure other early risers would be about. The sun was already up, and so would be some others.

Solas was busying himself with making his bed, that she’d slept on.  _ Don’t think about that!  _

“Ok well... Thanks... I think,” Emily said, attempting to signal to Solas that she was taking her leave. “I’ll get going now.” 

“I do recommend you hurry, fewer people are about at this hour,” Solas said, looking back up at her from his task, an amused smile painted on his face. 

Emily frowned. He was teasing her! He  _ could _ have woken her up earlier, or had someone move her to her tent, or even move her there himself with magic…. But  _ nooo, _ he needed his beauty sleep! Stupid Solas!

...Okay okay, it was her fault for getting drunk in the first place. A mistake she was determined to never ever make again. 

Of course, Emily barely made it out the door, attempting to slide past Adan, who was hopefully not paying attention, only to run into Sera. 

“Oi! Mornin’ - Emily right?” Sera let out a laugh. How she wasn’t hungover Emily didn’t know - or sleeping. Shouldn’t she have been sleeping?? “Fun night last night!” 

Emily felt her face get hot. She was coming to the wrong conclusion! 

“Wha-... No, I mean… I... we didn’t!” she stuttered. 

Sera gave her a weird look. 

“You didn’t…” she cocked her head, trying to translate Emily’s mumbled words. “Oh shite! Don’t tell me you forgot! Your dancing was fantastic! Real talent there, for falling on yer arse!” 

She let out a snorting giggle, and Emily suddenly realized that Sera would have no idea that she’d stayed over at Solas’ cabin. She just got there. What was she even defending herself for!? 

“Ahaha..” she let herself awkwardly laugh out her anxiety. “Well, actually I’d rather forget that bit if I could…” 

“Nahh, don’t do that - you’re a riot!” Sera was incredibly loud for this early in the morning. “Your place over this way?” 

Oh dear.

“Oh, uhhhh….” Emily glanced behind her, Solas had not yet come out of her cabin. In fact, she was barely ten paces away. “I was just… running an errand. I live back there...” Well, that was a blatant lie.

“You do loads a’ stuff around here, yeah?” Sera nodded thoughtfully. “Don’t bend over too much for ‘em though -pfft, bend over..” 

Emily left the snickering elf to herself and slipped away, she’d already spent just a bit too long standing there. She still hadn’t even shown up to do her morning duties. 

And then she tripped over something. She badly hoped Sera hadn’t seen that. The hysterical laughter told her she had. Darn.

Aaaand turns out she’d knocked over an elf. Wow. Fantastic start to the day. 

“I’m so sorry!” they said in unison. 

“Oh, no, it was all my fault, I wasn’t looking where I was going…” Emily realized the elf had been carrying a bucket filled with water, which was now creating an ice puddle on the ground in the snow instead. She instantly felt bad. That must have been heavy. 

“Sorry! Lady Emily, please don’t apologize..” the elf lady gently trembled, though somehow she knew Emily’s name. She had short brown hair and cute nose freckles. Emily realized that she was likely a slave. Or had been? She actually wasn’t too clear on that. It sorta seemed like there were slaves but… they shouldn’t have been slaves, right? Yeah -- what?

“I’ll help you get a new bucket of water,” Emily offered her hand to the elf, who accepted after a long moment of hesitation. 

“That won’t be necessary. I can get it, it’s ok!” she scrambled to pick up the bucket before Emily could grab it. 

“It’s ok! I have to go there anyways!” That was a lie but Emily wasn’t gonna let somebody she’d accidentally just mowed over fix her mistake _for_ her. 

Even though the elf girl (who refused to give her name) was reluctant and jumpy, she let Emily follow her back into the chantry to draw more water. The girl seemed to relax a bit as they walked back, seeming to realize that she wasn’t going to get in trouble somehow for walking beside Emily. 

As they exited, however, Max was there waiting, a smirk on his face. He had probably been on his way to the war council room or something.

Emily’s new friend tensed up and scurried away. 

“You made her run away!” Emily frowned. “She was just starting to open up to me too..” 

Max just shook her head at her. His odd demeanor and never-ending smirk were extremely questionable. What?

“Had a fun night last night then?” he asked her, his eyebrows basically up to his hairline.

“Last night?” Emily’s anxiety returned as she suddenly she remembered that Max was the last person she actually knew saw her go into Solas’ cabin last night. Oops. “W-wait a second..”

“I didn’t know you guys were that way…” Max dramatically shook his head. “I’m hurt you never told me!” 

“I’m!!” Emily realized he was messing with her and smacked him on the arm. “You are ridiculous! You know nothing happened Max! And stop acting like Varric!” 

Max laughed. 

“Really though, you pick odd company. Even just last night, loads of people saw you go in there..” 

“Wait, WHAT!” Emily’s face flushed. “Loads? You’re exaggerating, right? Please say you’re exaggerating…” 

“Unfortunately, you aren’t the quietest when you’re drunk. And you did run out of the tavern.” Not to mention Sera yelling so early in the morning, and her terrible cover-up. 

Emily groaned. Everyone knew her too. And Panosa. And Solas. And they knew that she was always hanging around them. 

“Oh no.”

Oh no indeed. 

 

-

 

Emily was determined to start her day  _ properly _ after that, and hopefully, people would just forget. Hahaha, no dice. Unfortunately, Seggrit - somebody who was already notoriously hard to work with - had heard about her antics last night. He seemed thoroughly in love with the idea that she was ‘sleeping around with some elf’ as he so eloquently put it. Emily gritted her teeth and glared at the merchant. She badly wanted to lob his head off. 

Of course, some stranger decided that this would be the perfect time to ask her for directions. 

“Excuse me, might you know where the Herald is?” Came the voice of an odd, armoured lad. Emily took him in for only a moment. “I’m looking for them.” 

“Do I look like the Herald to you?” she snapped, then tried to rescind her awful tone for a moment. “Sorry, all the important people are in the chantry, look for Max, he’s probably there, planning important stuff.” 

Yup, important stuff- unlike arguing with Seggrit, who thought he was  _ oh so much more important _ than anyone else here. Said merchant was also laughing as the soldier walked away towards the chantry, which of course was the biggest building there was in Haven. How do you miss that? Still, she could have been nicer...

“You know, you’re a pretty funny girl,” he said in a tone that made Emily want to roll her eyes. “I think I’ll donate my shipment of herbs here to the inquisition, part of a gift for being so funny.” 

Emily paused and looked at him carefully because... what? Was he messing with her? 

“What’s the catch?” she asked. 

“Oh, no catch,” Seggrit explained. “It’s a lot of herbs, I don’t think I could finish unloading them all before they go bad. Especially the ones at the bottom. You can have those!” 

Emily sighed. This man was unbelievable. 

 

Emily dealt with the herbs in a quick conversation to Gale, which looked something like the following: 

“Seggrit is donating these herbs to the Inquisition...”

“Why?” 

“He won’t be able to unload them all before they go bad.”

Emily wasn’t the only one who had trouble with the guy. Unfortunately for him, they had a lot of people helping, and he... really only had himself. That’s what you get when you’re a goading, selfish merchant with a war going on (and who felt the need to rub pointless rumours in people’s faces!). None of the herbs went bad - much to his dismay. She smirked inwardly, at least something went right today. 

Of course, after she was done with the herbs, she spotted the man who’d asked her for help earlier. A twinge of guilt hit her, she was rude to him just because of her bad mood. She ran after him before he could walk from her sight. 

“Excuse me!” she shouted after him. Luckily  **he** wasn’t rude, and turned at her call. 

“Hi, you talked to me before and..” Emily took a deep breath, she hadn’t trained for a while and that brief sprint was enough to tire her. “Sorry if I was short with you, I was in the middle of an argument with the merchant. I just wanted to apologize. I should have helped you more…” 

The man looked taken aback for a moment, then let out an easy laugh - a stark contrast to Solas, who never laughed easily, or Cullen, who perhaps needed to laugh a little more. Not that those two were on her mind or anything. Nope.

“No worries, I forgive you. I found my destination all right with your directions, no matter how they were delivered!”

Emily smiled. Suddenly he thrust his arm out to her. She reached for it and they shook hands. He had a firm handshake, unsurprising considering he was a soldier.

“I’m Krem. I’m with a mercenary company called the Chargers. Hopefully, I’ll be seeing you again.” 

“Oh. Same to you! My name is Emily, nice to meet you.” 

Krem took a curt bow. 

“Well, I must be on my way. I have to inform my boss about the Inquisition’s response.” 

Emily gave a short wave to him before he was on her way. What an interesting person. 

However, she wondered if there was room and supplies for a mercenary company in Haven. She looked around worried. There was room for more tents in front of Haven, but people were often huddled together in one tent, even now. She wondered how long they could possibly expand the town before it became too much. Haven was hardly on a major trading front. She sighed. Maybe they could construct more cabins? She would have to bring it up with Lady Montilyet.

Her attention was pulled away from that matter when suddenly Max was in front of her. 

“There you are!” he said. Emily cocked her head, confused. 

“Were you looking for me?” she asked. 

“Well, yes, and Josephine!” Max exclaimed. Emily silently wondered who Josephine was. “She said you were to join me in lessons this afternoon…!” 

Oh! Josephine must have been Lady Montilyet. Riight, that was her name wasn’t it? Emily probably knew that. But she never referred to her as such, nor heard her referred to as such. For somebody who was apparently born into nobility, Max was rather casual about the way he addressed other people. 

And so, she was dragged into Montilyet’s office. 

There she met their tutor for the day, a man she recognized, she’d definitely seen him before. He was an elf - a mage if his wardrobe was any indication. She couldn’t quite place where she’d seen him though. 

“Hello Herald, Lady Emily,” said the tutor. “My name is Dwyte. I’m usually a healer here, but due to my studies in the lay of the lands, it seems I am meant to be your tutor for today.” 

“Ah!” Suddenly, it came back to Emily. “I remember you, you helped healing people before the breach was closed, right?” 

For a moment, the elf was taken aback. She was sure he had looked much more exhausted the last time she’d seen him. After the closure of the breach, she hadn’t seen him. She had totally forgotten about him - not that she’d tell him that though. 

“Yes, that’s correct. I’m thrilled you remember me,” he truly did look thrilled. Then again, she wasn’t sure if it was her reputation among elves or if it was just he didn’t get enough credit for his work that he did. Emily wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t really a healer in practice. It seemed people just filled roles as they were needed, rather than what they were good at or studied. 

And so, they started studying where Minaeve usually was. Lady Montilyet worked on her own at her desk, probably eavesdropping.

It started with trying to ascertain the knowledge they already had. He gave them blank maps and instructed them to fill out what they knew. 

She knew the divide lines of Orlais and Ferelden, she knew the Free Marches, and she had a general idea where Haven and the hinterlands were, relative to everything else. She only knew Val Royeaux was .. somewhere… in Orlais... It was after a few minutes of her staring blankly at the map (in which most of the north was completely blank) that she had to confess to Dwyte she’d lost her memory - a secret she asked him to keep. It wouldn’t do very well to look like a complete idiot. Of course, that was why she was even in the tutoring, as it was. 

Max’s map was fairly filled out, at least in comparison to hers. The Free Marches seemed to have a lot more information in them than other parts, but it was still vastly exceeding her own. He even drew some rivers and lakes in. Despite her obvious disadvantage, she still felt embarrassed. 

Dwyte seemed to consider his knowledge ‘about average’. That only further deepened her embarrassment. 

They spent the next hour or so deepening their general and more specific knowledge of areas. Lady Montilyet got up and left at some point, a stack of paper on her little board she carried around with her. Busy bee, that one. 

Dwyte seemed to focus a lot on the Ferelden side, especially the Hinterlands and a place that was actually called “Storm Coast” for some reason. Who names a coast “Storm Coast”? She kept that to herself. She figured maybe they weren’t supposed to question stuff like that (at least, not out loud). She figured Dwyte was just focusing on one part at a time, but quickly found out that was not the case. In fact, Max was apparently going to be sent out to the Storm Coast and the Hinterlands again soon, hence the hyper-focus on those regions. 

Despite that fact, she was having quite a good time sitting there and studying. She actually did really enjoy it and found that she perhaps missed it? She couldn’t really remember but it felt like she had spent an awful lot of time studying beforehand, but for enjoyment rather than out of necessity -- probably. Studying with Panosa was often much less time, since she was just a child and had a much shorter attention span, and also since it was often meant to be a bit... Under the radar. Plus a lot of it was practical, stuff that Panosa had to practice, and stuff that she couldn’t ever hope to do. Studying with Max under Dwyte was proving to be a fun difference to her routine. 

“Ah, I feel a bit better going to the coast now that I know what to expect there,” Max said as they exited. Emily frowned. 

“When are you leaving?” she asked. Max looked at her, surprised, as if she was supposed to know. 

“Tomorrow morning,” he said. Emily balked. Solas hadn’t mentioned a thing! Nor had Varric -- actually, hadn’t Varric said he was finally getting time to relax? Did less than a week even count as ‘time to relax’? 

“I’m surprised you didn’t know,” Max said. “You always seem to hear about these things before I tell you so I just didn’t bother this time…” 

He clearly felt bad. 

“No no no, it’s not your fault!” Emily hurried to dispel his thoughts. Max had a lot on his shoulders, being Herald and all. “Don’t even worry about it. I should have asked someone when you were meant to leave anyways. I’ll be more careful next time.” 

She inwardly chastised herself, she’d been so focused on scolding Solas for leaving a dangerous weapon to a little girl that she hadn’t even stopped to wonder if they might be heading out again soon. She also realized he had realllllly brushed off the whole staff thing. Sigh. Maybe she would have to let that go. She  _ did _ need to learn how to use one after all.

Lady Montilyet returned as they were about five paces from her office. 

“Ah!” she said “Ser Trevelyan, if I may have a moment of your time?” she asked. 

He nodded and walked into her office. 

“Yes, Ambassador?” he asked in a gentlemanly fashion. Emily wondered if he maybe was sweet on Lady Montilyet. He did call her ‘Josephine’ quite frequently after all. She felt bad eavesdropping, but… nobody had dismissed her either…

“I’d like to discuss your parents,” said the ambassador formally. 

“What would you like to know?” Max asked casually. 

Yeah, Emily dispelled the notion he was interested in her. He just missed a fantastic flirtatious opportunity. 

She patiently waited outside the door (eavesdropping) and found out that Josephine wanted to ask Max’s family for support. His family was apparently very religious, he seemed to encourage her to ask them for money, telling her she might need to tell them to  _ stop _ sending them money. She also learned that he was from the Free Marches, a place Max described as ‘tenacious’. Emily didn’t find this surprising considering how much he knew about that place, based on the map he’d drawn only a few hours prior. 

She also found out he  _ was _ in fact from a noble lineage of some sort. Or at least he was rich. The ambassador seemed worried that he wasn’t adjusting to the accommodation. Emily realized she didn’t even know where he usually slept, she’d have to get him to show her sometime.

“Royalty huh?” Emily smirked at Max as he exited. “Did you have a private bathroom?” 

“You’re still here?” Max seemed surprised. “And it’s not royalty, that’s not right at all!” 

“Ahh, and here I was suddenly feeling really bad that you didn’t want to share your travel details with me…” she teased. Max gave her a playful push and they giggled as they exited the chantry together. 

Turned out the day was alright after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm romancing Sera in my current playthrough of the game so I keep wanting to include her in everything.. trying to withhold... the temptation... 
> 
> Also, it's been almost a year since I started writing this.. haha, I don't have much to show for it yet, but I hope this next year will have good progress (or dare I say, completion??) Thanks for sticking with me, I'll see you guys next week! ;D


	21. Chapter 21

Emily would have to smack Varric before he left for making her drink. She adamantly decided that all of this was going to be Varric’s fault. It seemed fair.

Of course, she found out after that Varric wasn’t even going with the Herald. Noo _oo_ he was going to stick around and torture her with his constant reminders of her mistake. Oh, maker. However, she wasn’t entirely sure that Solas was going either. She hadn’t gone to see him yet, because she was worried if she did she might further fuel the gossip that had spread about them.  

Oh yes, had gossip spread. She overheard one of the guards - who had previously attempted to give her flowers - rather loudly exclaiming that she and Solas were a couple, and Panosa was their child. She was certain he had done it loud enough so she could hear.

Emily groaned under her breath. “If Solas leaves then I will be stuck alone with the gossiping village.”

She found that she didn’t particularly mind that people thought Panosa was her child, she pretty much thought of her as some sort of family member at this point, if not a child, then a sister.

It was the ‘rabbit lover’ comments that she hated. That she was the one that slept with ‘the elf’. They were incredibly rude, and the more she thought on it, from their point of view, they weren’t entirely wrong, but she didn’t know why it had to be so negative. She had adopted Panosa (who people were thinking was her child apparently), she had apparently slept with Solas, and Brycen was still following her around. She had gone from everyone’s hero to the elf slut in no time at all.

“Relax,” said Minaeve - Emily was helping her with just a few more things before Max’s party left for the Storm Coast. “It’s just petty rumours. Everyone knows Panosa couldn’t possibly be your child.”

“She couldn’t?” Emily asked. “Is there a particular reason why?”

Appearance wise, besides obviously being an elf, Panosa and Emily looked similar enough. They both had darker eyes, with an ashy brown tone of hair, and lithe builds. By all means, Emily felt like people could probably wonder if she was the mother.

“The children of elf and human parents always appear to be human,” said Minaeve. Emily stared at her.

“What? Really?”

There wasn’t some weird in-between stage or some that looked more elf-like than others? They just looked… human? Even genetics were against the elves?

“Yeah,” said Minaeve, unaware of the shock Emily was in. “So don’t concern yourself, the rumours will die out soon enough.”

 

-

 

Still disturbed, Emily found herself at the send-off for the Herald. It turned out Solas was not going with him. Instead, he had opted to bring along the stiff, formal mage Vivienne.  

Sera would also be going, and Cassandra said she had to oversee his operations. They were off to meet a mercenary company after all.

It seemed enlisting more people to fight would be a great deal from a combat perspective, though Emily wasn’t entirely sure they had the space or supplies. Threnn would have a lot of work in the near future if they decided to enlist them.

“Ah, one more thing,” said Max from on his horse. “I asked Cullen to oversee the retrieval of horses from the Hinterlands, but I did ask him if he could send you to get them.”

“Huh?” Emily blinked. “ _Send_ me?”

“Yeah,” said Max, giving her a smile. “You wanted to do more right? Somebody needs to collect the horses. And we already convinced the horse master to come and oversee everything as well.”

Max took in the worried face Emily wore.

“You don’t have to worry, we cleared the area of bandits, closed some rifts… and you wouldn’t be alone. Solas and Varric will go with you, and whomever the commander chooses. He thinks you’re ready for a mission like this. Your training is complete, I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

“What about Panosa?” Emily asked. She wasn’t sure she really wanted to do this, to leave her.

“She’ll be in good care with Josephine,” Max steered his horse onto the path.

“Cullen will give you the details, I’ll see you later Ems!”

 

And the Herald rode off.

 

-

 

“Commander Cullen,” Emily stood on the edge of the training grounds, carefully out of the way of training soldiers and their untrained swings. Looking directly at the only man who really seemed to carry himself in the flurry of things

“Ah, Emily. I was just about to call for you.” Cullen gave her a small smile. He looked more well rested than the last time she had seen him, good.

“Yes, well… I just saw Max-- I mean, the Herald, off. He mentioned that he wanted me to…” Emily trailed off for a moment. “Well, it’s a bit ridiculous really--”

“Yes, he thinks a party of four will be enough to gather dozens of horses. It is a bit ridiculous isn’t it?”

Emily stared at him. He really didn’t see why she wouldn’t accept it.

“I recommended you for the job actually,” said Cullen, his eyes softening. “You’re more than prepared, and your injury is healed. There aren’t many bandits there, and you can stop at the crossroads and help with the refugees there as well. I’ll be sure to send a good band of soldiers with you, and I believe that Norwell requested he accompanies you also.”

“I… can’t even remember how to ride a horse,” Emily said lamely. Cullen looked at her carefully. A small laugh played over his lips.

“Well, I’m sure somebody will show you how. They are well-trained horses, mild tempered, so it shouldn’t be an issue.”

The Commander had more faith in her than she believed she deserved. For a moment he gazed at her.

His attention was immediately called away, and so that conversation was finished. Emily didn’t mingle there, instead opting to head towards Haven’s entrance again. She felt perhaps she imagined his gaze as she walked away, but dared not look back. The commander had better things to do than look towards her.

 

She decided her next stop would be Josephine. Emily wanted to be sure that Panosa was safe while she was away. She didn’t know if she could truly tell anyone she was a mage, but she trusted that Panosa would be smart enough to keep it a secret, keep it hidden, and stay away from the Templars turned soldiers as she so dutifully had in the past month.

The chantry sisters gave her gentle smiles as she entered and knocked patiently on the door. She heard talking on the other side, sounded as if they were negotiations of some sort.

She stood aside as a well-dressed man walked out, seemingly satisfied with the discussion.

“Who was that?” Emily asked curiously, he certainly didn’t seem to be a refugee. Josephine took a moment to answer.

“As ambassador for the Inquisition, I must deal with many people from upstanding household names. He was simply one of them.”

Emily took that as a tactful way of evading her question, so she dropped it.

“I wanted to talk to you about…”

“Ah yes, the Herald is sending you out, is he not?” Josephine smiled at her.

“Did everyone know before me?” Emily questioned.

“I believe the Herald wanted it to be a bit of a surprise for you, a way to thank you for taking so much on. It will, of course, increase your pay grade,” Josephine’s even tone displayed her perfect poise when it came to people with problems and complaints. Emily could see why she was the ambassador.

“Right...” Emily said quietly. “I just wanted to come to you and ask for your aid, if it was possible.”

“What can I do for you?”

“I need somebody to look after Panosa. She’s still quite young, and though she can work… I mean, I know there are other children here but…”

Josephine raised an eyebrow.

“She is important to you, I understand. If you like, I can arrange for her to be tutored by Dwyte. I believe her living quarters are adequate for the moment. I’m sure I can find a volunteer to look after her needs other than that, she has many friends.”

“Thank you, ambassador,” Emily gave her a genuine smile. She was certain that Josephine would not allow Panosa to come under any harm. She was far too careful and precise for that.

And sure, Panosa might come out of it knowing more than Emily did, but that was alright. She was in good hands.

 

-

 

“Are you and Solas going to have children together?” Panosa asked at dinner that evening. If Emily had been drinking something, she would have spat it out.

“ _What!_?” she glanced around, a few people were staring at the pair, seemingly interested.

“N-no?? Where on--?? Where did you get that idea?” Emily stuttered out, her mouth agape.

“Oh, you aren’t? I thought that was what people who were together did. Have children.” Panosa shrugged. “It’s too bad, I would have been a great big sister!”

“We aren’t _together_ Panosa…!” Emily hissed under her breath. Of _course_ the rumours made it to her! “People just.. Have a hard time believing that we could only be friends.”

“Ohh, I see. That’s silly!” Panosa giggled. “I have lots of friends and we aren’t having babies together.”

Emily decided she would save the puberty talk for later. Much later.

“Y-yeah, exactly. I’m glad you understand…” She fiercely tried to ignore the questioning looks from around her as her face burned.

She stared at the sky, at the gaping hole there, and prayed that it had something better and less embarrassing in store for her than this.

 

-

 

Panosa disappeared after dinner, much to Emily’s dismay. She wasn’t sure where she could have gone, usually they studied a bit after dinner.

Oh, of course, she would likely be following Solas around.

That was where she found her, badgering Solas just outside his cabin. Emily really hoped he didn’t mind the amount she sought him out. Children could be bothersome without meaning to, and she was very fond of Solas.

Also, this would surely not help the growing rumours about her and her apparent relationship with him.

“Panosa!” she called to them from the bottom of the stairs. She didn’t want to get to close, she wasn’t sure she would be able to look at Solas in the eye. Her embarrassment from crashing at his place was still fresh in her mind. As was the whole Fade fiasco.

Panosa ran up to her and dragged her up. She didn’t want to put up too much of a fight, the ground was icy, and stairs could be dangerous. Yeah. Nothing to do with actually wanting to see Solas. Nope.

“Hello Emily,” Solas calmly greeted her.

“Hello Solas,” she greeted back, finding his foot wrappings even more interesting than usual.

“I think we should perhaps speak about your time in the Fade,” Solas said, gesturing to his cabin. “Shall we?”

So in they went. Emily glanced around. Luckily nobody seemed to be paying too much attention to them at that moment. The tavern was alive and busy, but people seemed more preoccupied with their own things then.

Once inside, Solas waved a candle to light (highly impressive to both Emily and Panosa, though Emily tried to contain her wonder), and they sat around his table.

Panosa quickly became engrossed in one of his books, leaving Solas and Emily the time to chat. Oh dear.

“I feel you have quite the active imagination,” Solas had the hint of a smile in his eyes. “Some of the locations I saw in the Fade, I could never have come up with on my own. I have never seen anything like it before.”

There was something in his eyes, a driving interest. Emily suppressed a blush as she shrugged.

“I’m not really sure where it all came from. Perhaps it was a place I’ve been to? Mostly I just look at the clouds…”

“Yes, there were a fair number of those as well.” Solas straightened his posture. “You think you’ve been to that place before?”

“That place? The clouds?” Emily quickly realized he was not speaking of her cloudy, heaven-like landscape, but the odd little space where they were enjoying a beverage. “Oh. Right. I’m not entirely sure. It felt oddly familiar, like I should know it. It’s on the tip of my tongue, but consistently unreachable.”

Emily furrowed her brow in frustration.

“Why can’t I reach it? Shouldn’t my memories have started to come back at this point?”

“Perhaps…” Solas mused. “It does seem a bit odd. Do you mind if I examine you again?”

Emily wondered if she had brain damage. Solas would likely be able to tell her.

“If there’s something wrong, would you be able to fix it?” she asked.

“I’m not sure,” Solas’ gaze was unsettling. “It depends on the scope of the damage, if there is any at all.”

“And if there isn’t?”

“Then perhaps things are not as they seem.” his eyes piercing, interested.

“I see... Like psychological repression. Trauma.” Emily had a flash of the abomination and shivered. What had happened to her to make her lose her memory? Was it really something she wanted to remember? Solas nodded slowly.

Panosa curiously watched as Emily laid down on Solas’ bed (again, for the second time in a row) and Solas’ hands glowed with magic.

She noted that his eyes did not, in fact, glow. So why had they done so previously? She decided not to worry. Perhaps it was a difference in the type of magic. Emily closed her eyes.

The magic tingled gently against her head. It was a sort of pressure, but not entirely unpleasant. She felt the hum of the magic until it was almost reverberating inside her head, pulsing with her heartbeat. And then it was gone. She opened her eyes to look towards Solas. Panosa also gazed at him. Emily slowly pulled herself into a sitting position.

“You do not appear to have any damage,” said Solas finally. He let the implications of that sit in.

“Well…” Emily drew in a deep breath. “That’s good then. That means that this is something that I can fix.”

She let a small smile ghost on her features as her eyes flicked to Panosa, who seemed relieved.

“Does this mean you can remember your friend?” she asked.

Emily paused. She had been trying, with the drawings and everything, to remember a face that did seem to be growing clearer in her memory.

“Yes... I think, eventually, I will be able to remember her, and honour her the way she ought to be honoured.”

Solas held his gaze on her. A silent approval. Silent sadness. And Emily quietly wished she could see something else in the gaze.

They returned to their tent that night only to find a nice pair of warm, fancy boots just in Emily’s size sitting gently on their folded bedrolls. Inside was a note, that read, in an elegant handwriting;

_A simple thanks for a well-placed compliment. -Leliana_

Emily smiled. She would need to thank her before she left. It seemed they had made a small connection with something even smaller. A shared love of shoes.

She put Panosa to bed, but Emily couldn’t fall asleep. The day's events swirling in her mind. Thoughts of her friend. Thoughts of the Fade. What if she couldn’t go there again?

She suddenly remembered the library in the chantry. She’d never gone there much herself, it being so disorganized. Even someone as studious as Minaeve seemed to ignore the place. Mostly it was religious texts, but Emily knew that somewhere in there, they had written about the Fade.

She silently left the tent, eyes falling on a quiet, sleeping Panosa. She hoped she was having good dreams, or studying well in the Fade. Something she would hopefully be able to do as well.

The chantry library was small and more chaotic than she would have imagined. Very dusty. She felt like nobody had come in here for a long while. She had to light the candles herself (an easy feat, considering how well lit the rest of the chantry was at all hours).

Emily sat and sorted through books that had been piled and left on the one desk that sat in the room. She had to opt for putting the less interesting books on the floor.

She flipped through one of the books that seemed to talk about the dangers of the Fade. Emily knew to take this with a grain of salt, as the text seemed to be largely fear based, something she had come to doubt. Perhaps it was Solas’ influence, he definitely believed a different set of things than others did.

It had a very stark view of demons and spirits. Believing they were all jealous of the ‘attention’ their side of the Veil got. Emily hadn’t really encountered a ton of demons, but it didn’t seem like jealousy to her.

But it wasn’t what she was looking for. She moved to a different book, this time about the Mage circles. She read how they trained them, and forced them to undergo something the book described as a Harrowing, though it lacked much information about what exactly that was.

She flipped to them going into the fade. She learned that dwarves did not dream. She read many things Solas had already spoken to her about.

Then one passage.

_Ordinary people are only aware in the Fade when they are being kept there against their will._

Emily frowned. That was a direct confliction to what Solas had told her. And, possibly what she had experienced herself.

Suddenly there were footsteps from behind her, and Emily whirled around. She ended up being face to face with none other than Commander Cullen.

“Are you trying to look up how to ride a horse?” he asked, his face a bit tired, but slightly bemused. She realized it must have been very, very late.

Emily let out a nervous laugh.

“Something like that…” she badly hid the book behind her.

“The Fade?” Cullen came closer and peered over her shoulder. “Why are you reading about that?”

Emily tried to find an easy excuse.

“I was just… curious. I guess.” she stared at his armour, which he never seemed to take off (not that she was trying to picture that or anything), in an attempt to focus on something other than his face. She was not a particularly good liar.

Cullen followed her gaze, which was of course on his chest, and she realized just how suggestive that had sounded. She quickly looked off to the side, cheeks burning.

“I… I mean, I didn’t mean -- I’m,” she stuttered. Cullen took a step back and awkwardly scratched his head, looking away.

Their gazes found eachother again for a moment. Very aware they were secluded in a room that nobody ever used, late at night. Completely alone. He cleared his throat.

“R-right. Well, I uh, suppose that must be Solas’ influence,” he had managed to say that fairly normal considering the circumstances.

“Y-yeah, he talks about it a lot and…” Emily trailed off.

“I suppose you don’t exactly... remember much about what you were taught.” Cullen filled in for her.

“Yeah… yes. Exactly that,” she let them stand in silence for a moment. “That… that was what I meant. I was just...curious.”

She swallowed. Cullen’s expression changed.

“You and Solas…” he started. Emily silently dreaded the words that would next come out of his mouth. “If you like, I can try to dispel the rumours.”

Emily must have looked surprised.

“Of course, there’s only so much I can do, but I’m sure by the time you come back with the horses, everyone will have stopped talking about it.”

“Thank you..” Emily breathed out, relaxed. “That’s very kind of you.”

His eyes trained on her, Emily slowly brushed past Commander Cullen.

“Good night, Commander.”

She left him standing in the library, silently gazing after her. Ignoring the conflict growing in her own heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh... I'm back from the dead! Hopefully. 
> 
> I keep saying I'm gonna be frequent with this, then I don't. So this time I'm not gonna say anything and we will see what happens lolol. 
> 
> Thanks for reading hopefully u liked it have a nice day thanks byyyyeeeee


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter so soon whaaat! I’ve been on a major “do everything you committed to!” run, and I spent literally 8 hours writing out the whole storyline for this plot (with a few holes and stuff I need to play through the game to sort out as I write it).  
> So fingers crossed because that hopefully means good news for you guys. I want to update weekly if I can, or once every two weeks otherwise (as I had previously been doing). I still want to try to make sure what I’m writing is a good quality (I have no beta reader lol) but hopefully, I won’t be as caught up in the whole ‘perfection’ of it all --- a very real problem of mine oops. I do want this story to move forwards!  
> So - possibly - update schedules (that are consistent) will be coming back to this story relatively soon.  
> Update schedule?: Weekly. ??

Emily awoke understandably tired the next morning. Her mind swirled with questions and thoughts. She pulled herself up regardless. There was a lot to put in order before she left, and at one point she would need to tell Panosa that she and Solas would both be leaving.

First thing was first, she needed to secure potions from Adan. Nothing was ever happy and straightforward with him. He didn’t even want to be a healer after all. In order to ‘make up’ for her taking most of his stock, he had Emily fetch him more elfroot. Something she was good at, yes, but also hadn’t done in a while. Usually, Panosa and the other children (accompanied of course by a soldier or two) were the ones collecting it. She had no idea how plentiful it would be.

She pulled Norwell out with her since she knew they would be traveling together anyways and wanted to chat with him, and he was often a guard for the children, so he would know where the elfroot grew.

“I heard you volunteered to go fetch the horses with me,” Emily said, turning to smile at him as they trudged through the snow, Emily happily wearing her new boots. “Thank you. I feel reassured knowing you’re there.”

Norwell beamed with satisfaction.

“I’m not the best fighter, especially after my injury. But I love horses,” he said. “And I feel personally responsible for you, seeing as I was one of the people who found you in the first place. Can’t let you die on me.”

Emily chuckled.

“You love horses huh?” she bent down to carefully collect the leaves of a few of the elfroot plants by the base of a tree. “Then you’ll be able to help me with a little problem later?”

He looked at her curiously.

“You aren’t scared of horses now are you?” he asked.

“No no, I just…” Emily fumbled with the leaves of the elfroot a bit. Her fingers were getting cold. “I just can’t seem to remember how to ride one.”

“That…” Norwell smiled. “Can be easily rectified.”

 

-

 

With her potions finally secured, she headed to the blacksmith at the advice of Threnn. She had basic Inquisition armor, but was looking for something just a bit… more. Something more her own, and that completely fit her.

At the back of her mind, though she had trained somewhat with a sword and shield, she wasn’t sure a ‘warrior’ was the best fit for her. She hadn’t received any sort of alternate training though, so for the time being, that would need to make do.

Still, she requested that Harrit create a lighter armour for her, something easier to move around in (especially seeing as they were meant to walk all the way to the Hinterlands). She wanted to be able to keep up her stamina.

Finally, she paid a small visit to Leliana. She was pouring over notes in her covered tent but was not startled by Emily’s arrival.

“I wondered if you would stop by,” Leliana spoke without turning towards her. “You’re leaving tomorrow morning are you not?”

“Yes, that’s correct,” Emily responded. Leliana finally turned to face her, a small smile played on her lips. “I wanted to thank you for the boots. They are incredible.”

She was, of course, wearing said boots at that very moment. Leliana’s smile broadened.

“I am glad to hear you like them. I picked them with much care. They are made by one of the best.”

Emily felt the warm fuzzy feeling of acceptance in her chest.

Leliana approached her, holding up some sort of belt. “I realize you are trained in the ways of the sword, but I did want to provide a possible alternative for you.”

Emily examined the belt and realized it was, in fact, a holster for two daggers.

“You are resourceful, and though you lack training, I would like to offer up training for you upon your return. To be a rogue under my command.” Leliana made unwavering eye contact.

Emily’s jaw went slack. She had, of course, heard rumours about the former Left Hand of the Divine. A spymaster, with people who specifically worked under her, doing secret missions and the like.

She thought it had been a bit of a farce, little things blown out of proportion.

“Do you mean…” she didn’t dare finish her sentence.

“Your assumption is, of course, correct,” said Leliana. Her tone supported the whole thing. A spy, a rogue meant to do some seriously shady things.

To say she wasn’t excited about the prospect would have been a lie. It sounded cool -- but dangerous. There were many things to consider. Leliana seemed to sense her indecision.

“The belt is a symbolic gesture, of course,” she said, withdrawing the holsters, then placing them back upon a table. “I do want you to consider it though. You’re intelligent, insightful, and you notice things that many others do not. You would be extremely valuable to me.”

“You don’t mind that I’m untrained, and have almost no memories?” Emily asked, honestly curious.

“Your lack of training simply means you have no bad habits. And your lack of memory works as an advantage on the field, as there are far fewer things that could be used against you.”

Emily stared hard at the ground. At the boots she had so graciously been given. Theoretically, Leliana had some good points. She had no known family, the only one whom she truly, honestly could say she cared about was Panosa (though she did care about the whole village and had many friends within, but that could also be an advantage to a spy). She was a smaller build than other people, and could easily go unnoticed in a crowd if she needed to.

But was she ready for something like that?

“Think on it,” said Leliana. “You don’t need to respond until you return from your current mission.”

Emily nodded, still feeling speechless.

“Do keep it a secret though, I believe you may be good at that,” the knowing look that Leliana cast at Emily before she turned around made her heart race for a moment.

 _She knew about Panosa_. Emily suddenly turned to look at her tent. It was so close to Leliana’s. Of course, she knew about Panosa. Leliana was intelligent, observant, and clearly one of the best at this sort of thing. She wasn’t the left hand of the divine for no reason.

Emily was surprised she hadn’t been confronted by her about it sooner. But also reassured. Leliana clearly had no ill will with her. She was trying to _recruit_ her. Panosa’s secret was safe with her for the time being.

“I will do just that,” Emily said, finally. “I’ll see you again, Lady Nightingale.”

If anything, she felt as if she was becoming more skilled at bidding people farewell in a foreboding manner. She wasn’t sure if that was an accomplishment in itself or not though. She decided not to dwell on it.

-

 

Emily decided that for the moment, it was best to pretend the whole thing with Leliana hadn’t happened at all.

She went to see Dwyte, the healer who was to be in charge of Panosa’s lessons while she was gone. She considered the implications of telling him that she was a mage. He might well figure it out if Emily was gone for any length of time.

She found him sitting outside the tavern, he immediately recognized and greeted her well.

“Emily!” he said. He was looking considerably more cheerful than the previous time she’d seen him. “I heard you’re leaving tomorrow. I’m meant to tutor your girl while we’re out.”

Apparently, Dwyte had subscribed to the idea that Panosa was Emily’s child. Or perhaps just acknowledged it as such since she had pretty much become a mother figure to her in the stead of her dead parents.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about that..” Emily said, glancing around. “Do you mind if we find a quiet place to chat?”

Dwyte seemed to pick up on something in her tone and agreed immediately. She led him to where Panosa’s hidden staff was, way off to the east of Haven, beneath some rocks, and pulled it out. Dwyte was extremely confused, it was clearly not hers, nor meant for him.

“This is Panosa’s,” Emily stated. Understanding flooded his features.

“Ahh…” he said, suddenly understanding the gravity of the situation.

“It’s a bit of a secret that she’s a mage, Dwyte,” Emily said, trying to be as serious as she could. She couldn’t allow any harm to come onto Panosa. “But she’s new to it. She needs training, a watchful eye.”

“Solas was helping her, wasn’t he?” Dwyte asks, immediately catching on. “But you both will be leaving soon. If something were to happen…”

“Exactly,” Emily nodded, internally relieved. “As far as I’m aware, besides us, only Leliana knows the truth, and I would like to keep it that way, at least for now. You know how mages are treated.”

Dwyte nods, his brows furrowed.

“It won’t be weird for you to be seen with her, you were formally assigned the position of her tutor.”

“You want me to teach her magic?” he asks, a bit surprised. “I’m not really much of a teacher…”

“It’s just until we return. I have to make sure somebody will be there to help her when I’m not here. Just the basics are enough - and making sure she is safe from demons. Solas has been helping her with covering her magical aura too, I’m told. She will continue his lessons in the Fade. And she’s got books, so the studying should be fairly straightforward”

Emily knew just a little bit about what they had been doing, but going over everything with Panosa every night meant that she had a pretty decent grasp on at least the things they had been attempting to do. Dwyte was nodding.

“Thank you for trusting me with this,” he said, carefully returning the staff to its position. “I will do my best.”

“That’s all I ask,” Emily said, finally relaxing into a smile.

 

-

 

After walking Dwyte back to the tavern, Emily noticed Brycen peering at her from across the way, axe in hand, clearly in the middle of chopping wood. He immediately looked away once he noticed she was looking at him. She swiftly walked over to him, hopefully looking slightly intimidating. She would rather he not follow her around all day - didn’t he have better things to do?

“Brycen,” she said. He was bent over, chopping some wood. He (badly) pretended to just have noticed her.

“Oh! Lady Emily!” he squeaked. “What a surprising pleasure to see you!”

“Right,” she suppressed a smile. “I’m sure it is, even though I just caught you staring at me about 15 meters away.”

“Ah, yes that…” Brycen flushed. “Well, I’d heard some rumours you see…”

Emily nearly groaned. “Being who you are, of course, you immediately assumed they were false, right?”

Brycen didn’t make eye contact.

“I… might have,” he said finally, uncomfortable. “I was just wondering if mayhaps My Lady would be interested in… well..”  his voice dropped to a whisper. “...me…”

“Brycen… no,” said Emily, trying to be firm without scaring the poor elf off. “The rumours are false, I was drunk and had a bone to pick with Solas. Staying there was an accident. I most certainly do not sleep with every elf I see. Your interest is flattering, but I don’t think I’m able to consider anything like that right now - with anyone.”

She wasn’t sure if she was technically lying about that last bit. She had most certainly considered doing something with Cullen just last night, and perhaps even wished for something with Solas. But she wasn’t sure how serious either of those would be anyways. Especially Solas, he was sort of his own mountain.

Brycen bowed, leaving his axe embedded in a log.

“I understand, I’m sorry for asking,” he said, biting his lip. Emily frowned, hoping she wasn’t too hard on him. “Thank you for turning me away so kindly. You truly are a kind-hearted soul.”

Brycen immediately excused himself and scurried away. Emily sighed. She really hoped that it was a firm refusal rather than a harsh one. She wasn’t sure how good she was at the whole ‘turning someone down’ thing.

She really was too busy for this kind of thing.

 

The sun was already starting to set at this point. It would be time for dinner soon. She sighed again. There was one more thing she had been putting off doing that had to be done.

“Panosa,” Emily peeked in their tent, and sure enough, the little mage - having finished her bit of work for the day - was curled up in a ball, reading. She was using the final light of the day, seeming to struggle to see through just one more page of the old book. She looked up at Emily’s call. Emily sat carefully beside her. Panosa must have sensed her apprehension, as she immediately put her study material aside.

“Are you alright?” Panosa asked, a small wrinkle appearing on her forehead. “You’re not ill are you?”

“Of course not,” Emily pushed back the anxiety she felt. She would be leaving Panosa in just a few short hours. “I just have a… different sort of news to share.”

Panosa just stared at her intently, waiting.

“Tomorrow, I… we....” Emily didn’t want to do it too fast. She wasn’t sure her own heart was ready for this, Panosa didn’t deserve this. “Well, Solas and I will be… going on a little journey.”

Panosa tilted her head in confusion.

“A journey? Can I come with you?” Panosa’s wide eyes stared up at Emily, and she badly wanted to agree to take her along.

“Unfortunately, this is a journey for adults…” Emily hoped Panosa wouldn’t take that to mean something ridiculous like her and Solas getting married or something.

“You’re… leaving me?” she asked instead, face unreadable.

“Only for a little while,” Emily breathed, relieved the girl wasn’t crying. She tried to maintain her cheerful sounding voice. “It’s just to pick up some horses and then I’ll come right back!”

“Mamae said that too…” Panosa muttered, sinking down into her bedroll. “She never came back though.”

Emily found herself unable to speak for a second, her heart rate picked up. She remembered the small, dirty looking girl sobbing alone in the snow who she’d tried so hard to comfort - to make feel like she belonged.

Here she was now, the same little girl sat in front of her, thinking she was about to go through the same thing all over again.

“Panosa…” Emily sighed sadly, sitting down across from her. She struggled to find something to say that would comfort her. “Solas has left before, and he always comes back, right? I’ll be with him, so everything will be fine. The path to the Hinterlands is safe, the Herald cleared it out before.”

Panosa eyes watered.

“Do you promise?” she asked, voice cracking.

“I promise,” Emily smiled. Panosa jumped on her with a hug.

“I love you, Emily,” the tiny elf hiccupped, small tears staining Emily’s shirt. “And ser Solas too. I love you both, so you absolutely have to come back, okay?”

“Okay,” Emily stroked her hair as the little girl cried out all her tears.

 

The sun had set by the time Emily exited the tent. Panosa had cried herself to sleep, and she tucked her in gently before stepping outside. She still hadn’t spoken to Varric or Solas about them leaving tomorrow, and wanted to make sure there was nothing else they needed from her before she slept. Assuming she was able to sleep at all. Her stomach was a bundle of nerves, despite knowing how safe the whole thing was meant to be.

She didn’t see Varric by his tent, so she opted to go and speak to Solas first, she was sure he would be the easiest to find. The rumours of their relations were in the back of her mind at this point. Yesterday seemed so far away. She didn’t even knock on his cabin door before it was open for her, Solas standing in the doorway, looking amused at her surprised face. She wasn’t sure if he had been expecting her or somehow knew she was there, but he simply gestured she come inside.

 

“I am glad to hear that you are accompanying me tomorrow,” Emily said to break the ice, sitting herself down at his little table. Solas followed suit. She seemed to have caught him right after dinner - an empty plate lay on the table. Solas pushed it to the side. “I am a bit frightened at the whole thing. I’m still completely new to combat after all…”

She was worried about bandits, demons, apostates, templars… and of course, she was still very concerned about Leliana’s proposition, something she wished she could share with Solas. If she accepted the proposal, she would be leaving Panosa on the regular. And there would be the very real possibility of her dying. Something she would rather not consider at that moment.

“We cleared most of the bandits from the area on our previous visit,” Solas said to her, confirming what she’d believed and heard before. “The apostates and templars have been mostly dealt with as well. I do not think you need to concern yourself too much with worries over possible attacks. At most, we would encounter the odd straggler, nothing more.”

“Right,” Emily nodded. “It’s just to retrieve horses after all… Oh, and the Commander mentioned something about helping refugees at the Crossroads?”

“Yes…” Solas nodded. “Actually, there was something I wished to do in that area.”

Emily gave him a confused look. Something _he_ wanted to do? In what must have once been a war zone?

“I believe there are ways to strengthen the Veil, artifacts from the time of the ancient elves. I have reason to believe that there is one in that area. If possible, I would like to stop over there and do so before we do the errands for the Inquisition.”

“Why are you asking me?” Emily asked, confused. “I mean, sure I guess we could do that, whoever leads the group would be the one to ask about that though…”

Solas let out a small laugh at that. Emily gave him a confused look.

“Weren’t you aware? You are the one who is meant to lead our party. Did the Commander not inform you of this?”

Emily stared. It made perfect sense now. Cullen had told her about the mission -  not as if she was simply participating - but as if she was actually meant to show them the way. To _lead_.

“I’ve never been to the Hinterlands before though!” she said, suddenly ten times more nervous then she had been a moment earlier. “Why would they put me in charge?”

“I do believe you’ve shown quite a few leadership qualities in the past while that would lead them to believe you are, in fact, a great choice to be in charge on this expedition.” Solas chuckled. “Besides, I believe most of the company you will be keeping has some experience. We will be more than happy to help you.”

Emily wasn’t sure whose idea this was. Max’s? Cullen’s? It could even have been Leliana’s careful hand, tipping the scales to see how well Emily handled a leadership role. She groaned.

“This changes everything!” she said, getting up and pacing. “I meant to ask you if you thought there was anything I should prepare beforehand, but does a leader even do that? Aren’t I supposed to be telling you what to prepare?”

“A good leader asks questions,” Solas replied simply. “They listen and communicate with those they are meant to be in charge of.”

“I feel as if you are simply trying to make me feel better for not knowing anything,” Emily stopped her pacing and looked at him. “That’s what you’re doing, right?”

“Perhaps,” Solas let out a rare chuckle, the returned to her with a pointed gaze. “But you have no experience in leadership, so would I not be a better companion if I were to help you accomplish this task, rather than criticize you for knowing nothing? I know you will try to learn to do your best with the circumstances. It’s what you have been doing up to this point, no?”

 

Solas’ words echoed in Emily’s head as she wandered out to try and find Varric. She wasn’t even sure what to ask him at this point, she just wanted to talk to him. To clear her head or something.

“Hey, Starlet!”

It seemed Varric had found her first.

“You haven’t called me that in a while,” Emily smiled at him. “I thought maybe you’d forgotten.”

“I never forget when I decide to give a nickname,” Varric crossed his arms in mock insult. “Besides, you had that far-off look again, I thought maybe you were thinking of the skies or something.”

Emily shook her head. She was sure she looked nervous, and even more sure Varric had noticed.

“I was just… I just wanted to chat that’s all,” she sighed. “I assume you know that I’m meant to be… leading this mission?”

“Of course!” Varric didn’t falter. “Best pick for the job, too!”

“I’ve never done this before…” Emily kicked at the snow.

“There’s a first time for everything,” Varric smirked. “Besides, Curly wouldn’t have given it to you if he didn’t think you were capable. Have you _seen_ how he talks to the slower ones?”

She had, of course. She was trained under Cullen as well and knew very well how hard he was on his troops. Everything from the shield angle to the way you handled your sword was carefully scrutinized.

“He’s got plenty of experience with these sorts of things,” Varric said, clapping a hand on her arm. “I think we can trust his judgment when it comes to these things. And I heard about you from some of the others around here - you’re pretty famous!”

“Thanks, Varric,” Emily gave him a relieved smile.

“No problem, Starlet,” he nodded, gesturing to her to walk with him back to his tent. “Now, since we’re on the topic of how famous you are, I believe there are some verrrry interesting rumours that I would like to ask you about.”

Oh no.

“Tell me all about how good chuckles is in bed. I could use this for my next story!”

 

-

 

Emily was roused the next morning by an elven servant, the same one who she had once knocked over. She might have been Max’s personal servant, but Emily didn’t know for sure.

“My Lady,” she was gently shaken awake. Panosa stirred in her sleep beside her. “I was sent to fetch you, you are to receive a briefing before your departure.”

“When am I departing?” Emily asked, groggy.

“In about an hour,” came the soft reply.

An hour??

Emily gently shook Panosa awake. And gave the sleepy child a nice long hug before telling her to go back to sleep.

Outside, the sun was barely showing on the horizon. It was before dawn. Did somebody mention to her they were leaving at dawn? Possibly Varric had, between his constant slew of silly questions over Solas. He probably believed her when she said nothing happened between them, but took the opportunity to tease her anyways - why did she go to his cabin first (which she was never going to say), did she like him? Was there a spark there?

All in all, she didn’t have enough sleep. That sucked.

As she approached the chantry, the elf who woke her up leading the way, a couple of soldiers near Threnn’s requisitions table snickered and she thought she heard something about a ‘knife ear’. If Threnn had been there, she would have throttled them. Emily pretended not to notice but secretly was upset. She wasn’t sure if it was directed at her or the slave, but she would be upset either way.

The door at the far end of the hall was open, for once. Emily could see the large armored figure that was Cullen even as she entered. He was hunched over the table, seeming to be pouring something on the table. Nobody else appeared to be there yet.

He looked up as she entered the room.

“Ah, perfect timing,” Cullen said, bringing his attention to Emily, who awkwardly stood in the doorway. “I would have gone over this with you sooner but… well, there just wasn’t the time.”

“No problem, Commander,” Emily approached the table, realizing that he was looking at a map. “I spoke with Varric and Solas and they gave me a good idea of what to expect.” She smiled at him.

The Commander proceeded to show her the route she would be taking, pointing out any possible difficult areas - mainly the trek down the mountain and around the lake. It looked far on the map but he assured her if they spent most of the day walking she would get there in the better part of a week - Emily inwardly groaned at that bit but worked very hard to keep any dissatisfaction off her face. Many others had done it without complaint, so would she. He also circled the areas they would be visiting - the Crossroads, just south of Redcliffe, and Dennet’s farmland. Emily was delighted to realize that she actually knew all the locations he pointed out - Josephine’s class had totally paid off. She would need to thank Dwyte at some point for helping her out so much, maybe she could get the guy a souvenir or something. Was that a thing?

Apparently, at the farmlands, all she had to do was verify that all the horses were present,  and lead them back through the mountains with the aid of Dennet. He wouldn’t be quite ready for another two weeks. Completely understandable since he seemed to somehow be acquiring a large number of horses, almost one hundred, along with a number of men to aid in the transfer of said hundred horses. Emily had seen stables outside Haven, but she vaguely wondered where they hoped to put them all, the stables were occupied by people. Perhaps something would be constructed before they returned? She was sure that Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine among them would come up with a solution, they were all very intelligent and resourceful in their fields of knowledge.

In the crossroads, which she was to visit first, as to delay their time, she was meant to lead their soldiers to aid the refugees there, much like she’d been informed previously. This meant helping them secure a means for hunting, clothes, helping them boil water and tend to injuries, and generally doing what was required to bring stability to the place. She got the impression that the Crossroads, like Haven, was much too small for the number of people that suddenly were there. She wondered how likely it was that they would be able to build a house or something.

After his briefing, Cullen nodded wordlessly at Emily, and they walked out together towards the entrance of Haven.

Emily briefly spotted the two men who had been using slurs before and turned to Cullen.

“There was one more thing I wished to ask of you,” she said as formally as she could.

“Of course,” Cullen listened intently. “Anything.”

“Recently, especially in my direction, but just in general, you know… People have been throwing around different… language. Meant to demean the elves,” she wasn’t so articulate in her request, but she hoped he would understand. “Just this morning, in fact, two of your soldiers were whispering quite loudly about me. In a rather rude manner.”

Cullen had a moment where he looked positively furious, then his features relaxed, and he just looked tired. She hadn’t noticed in the darkness of the room, but Cullen looked tired again as if he had stayed up the whole night. She wondered if perhaps he actually had.

“Who was it?” he scowled. “I’ll be sure to talk to them, and the whole crew, about respect. When will they learn that we are no longer separate, but all in the Inquisition?”

Emily informed him about the soldiers and described their appearances to him. She was rather impressed with his quick resolve to action. He just wanted his men to behave for once. Unfortunately for him, she wasn’t sure that he would ever be able to get everyone to see the same way. Wouldn’t stop him from trying though. Admirable.

Varric and Norwell were both already at the entrance, Varric looking considerably more relaxed than poor Norwell. They both waved as Emily and the Commander approached.

“Commander,” Norwell greeted quickly, giving a curt bow. “Only a couple people are missing, one of the scouts, who is on her way, and ser Solas.”

“Right,” the commander nodded, seemingly pleased with the news. “Make sure everyone is prepared and has their rations. Food will be hard to come by for the first few days.”

Cullen prepared to move, then added, “also, Emily here will be the one you report to from now on, not me.”

Emily flushed, because that was a beautiful way to pass down the command to her. She did a very un-leaderly nod as she acknowledged Norwell. He didn’t seem to mind, at least. Cullen gestured that he follow her. She walked away from the small band of soldiers and scouts, just onto the path they were meant to follow.

“Of course, you know you follow this path down through to the valley,” Cullen informed her. “Others will know, but the path splits later on, be sure to follow the one on the right.”

Emily nodded, looking up into the worn face of her Commander, feeling an odd sense of pride. She was ready.

“Take care of yourself, Cullen,” Emily said softly, purposefully dropping her formality.

“You know, at one point,” the Commander started, handing her her pack of supplies. “I thought that you were incapable. Incapable of controlling a child, of truly being helpful.”

Emily blinked at him, unsure where this was coming from and where this was going. Did she insult him just then? Did he dislike his name?

“Now, however, I see I was wrong,” he smiled at her, her fears dissipated. “I think you are very capable, to levels I’ve not yet seen.”

Solas and the scout had presumably arrived and the others were approaching, prepared for the long walk ahead of them, bags and a small carriage, drawn by a single horse - the only one left after the Herald- were ready for departure.

“I know you’ll do fine, and perhaps achieve more than you believe.” Cullen’s unwavering gaze gave her a small burst of confidence. “Everyone is watching over you,” he lowered his voice. “Trish included. I’m looking forward to your results.”

Emily parted her lips slightly, feeling flattered, impressed at his memory of her friend's name, and quite unsure what to say.

“Thank you, Cullen.” She gave him a gentle smile.

Varric clapped her on the shoulder.

“Commander,” he greeted, then turned to Emily. “You ready for this?”

She took a deep breath, sparing only a quick glance to the commander (no need for more rumours).

“Yes, I believe so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first wrote this chapter, I had a whole section where the part with Panosa and Emily actually took place in Solas’ cabin, with Solas. I ended up re-writing it to where it was now, because the whole thing felt super out of character for Solas in any point in time, regardless about how he personally felt about Panosa/Emily, and also, it just made me laugh? 
> 
> It was so ridiculous. What was supposed to be an emotional scene about Emily taking on larger responsibilities in the Inquisition and leaving behind things important to her (like Panosa) became comedic because of how “mother and father travelling without their child for the first time” it seemed. Especially with the confrontation of Panosa towards Emily - and the support she seeked from Solas. I couldn’t believe it was something that would actually happen. Like even while writing it, I was shaking my head going “how is this a thing I am putting into words?” “I don’t think I would even read this let alone anyone else”. And thus, I changed it - hence my delay in posting this, the rest of the chapter remained the same. 
> 
> If for some reason, anyone wants to read that though, let me know?? I’ll figure out some way to post it here or something for you to read, since I found the whole thing just too ridiculous to delete. I legitimately couldn’t even believe I had written it pfft. 
> 
> ALSO if you’re still reading this bit, do you prefer the longer chapters I have going (probably with a once a week or two post schedule), or would you prefer shorter ones (that would likely be more frequent)? 
> 
> Anyways, thank you so much for reading! I appreciate all your comments and kudos!!!! Look forward to the next chapters~ IT’S TIME FOR SOME ADVENTURING YO!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update frequency: Every two weeks!
> 
> Just a heads up- there is some violence in this chapter of a possible graphic nature! You’ve been warned!

The first three days were the worst. The sky was clear, and in the height of the mountains and the season, that meant it was cold. Cold enough that no matter how many layers she wore, her nose, fingers, and feet were just consistently frozen. Emily was just glad it wasn’t snowing, except there were no clouds at all in sight, which was just vastly depressing to her. At least the stars at night were nice. None of her charges complained, they seemed to all know better. Emily was glad for her few companions she knew well, namely Solas and Varric. They knew the way down the mountain and were subtle enough about pointing her in the right direction that it really felt that she was the one leading the group down the mountain, even though it was really them. She would relay any orders to Norwell, who would shout them for her. What a doll. 

Speaking of Solas and Varric, it occurred to her she hadn’t really noticed their armor before this point in time. Perhaps it was new, but it suited them. They both stuck to the colours they wore around Haven. Varric wore a brown thick overcoat overtop his muted red undershirt, while Solas had a moss green shirt with a light brown vest, tied with a belt. Somehow they both still looked like themselves while wearing the outfits. She wondered if it was their own or if the Inquisition had supplied it. She assumed it was the Inquisition, seeing as the Inquisitor himself seemed to be able to special request pretty much whatever he liked from the blacksmith. Ah Max, always the privileged lifestyle. 

Emily led what was essentially a small army down the winding path of the mountains, in the freezing cold. The thing that kept her and her fleet going was the thought that they were doing something that could better the world. Her fleet? That sounded weird. That was, essentially, correct. Though she had no great title like corporal or commander. She wondered if there weren’t soldiers among them who actually outranked her. She wouldn’t be surprised. 

Emily concocted a schedule for night time, they would switch who stayed with who on watch at nights and nobody was to be on watch alone, in case of an ambush or something. It never stayed the same, they had decided who would be with who on the road - it was a long walk after all - and there were plenty of soldiers, not everyone would need to be on watch every night. 

Varric was with her on her first night. First watch. Solas had slipped off to bed before she really spoke to him one on one. It was fine though, she would have a watch with him later on the journey regardless

“So, Starlet,” Varric relaxed by their fire. Only a few stragglers were still awake. One of the scouts was busy washing and putting away the pots they used for their dinner. “I always wondered something about you.” 

“Oh?” Emily didn’t really have a lot to hide from Varric, other than Panosa’s little secret. Though she wondered what it could possibly be that he wondered about her. “What did you wonder?” 

“I know that you probably don’t know the answer to this…” Varric started. “But I wonder, what  _ were _ you doing at the conclave?” 

“The conclave?” Emily blinked at him. “You mean, where the explosion happened?” 

“Yup, that very one,” Varric nodded. “I mean, you aren’t a mage - I think - nor are you a templar. You weren’t in chantry robes and weren’t armed with a weapon when they found you.” 

Emily furrowed her brows, nodding slowly. 

“So, that leaves me wondering. What could you have been there for?” Varric turned his eyes towards her, and for a moment, she wondered if he was perhaps suspicious of her. 

She couldn’t see why he would have reason to be though, she was probably the least suspicious person. Even Leliana seemed to trust her, and she was definitely the hardest to gain the trust of. 

Though she did wonder that herself. Was her friend, Trish, a mage? For some reason, she felt that couldn’t have been true. And she knew she wasn’t a resident of Haven or else somebody would have recognized her. 

“...maybe I was there for somebody who I haven’t remembered yet?” she suggested. “Perhaps I had a templar lover. Or.. Nah, I bet it was a mage.” 

“Are you trying to be a storyteller now too?” Varric chuckled. 

“Yup,” she joked. “You better look out Varric, I’m coming for your job!” 

They chatted about menial things after that. Varric explained about the merchants guild and the surface dwarves and even satiated her curiosity about dwarves and dreams - or lack thereof. When the time for them to switch watches, though she was tired, she would almost rather continue talking to Varric than she would sleep. Of course, she wasn’t going to do that, but she wished she could. He was great fun to talk to. 

She woke up the next pair to watch and crawled into her tent. She was sleeping with a couple of the female scouts. There was just enough room for her to squeeze in on the end. She drifted off into a wonderful dream-filled sleep filled with dwarves and flying ships that flew into the sun. 

 

\---

 

A week in, after their path had started to wind around a lake, they found a herd of wild goats. Emily was glad that other people were better at hunting than she was. She was honestly very worried about killing things. Animals, yes of course, because they didn’t often defend themselves, but just run away before the kill was made. 

But also, though she was deemed ready for it, she had never been in real combat against someone who wished to kill her. She had never killed another living person before. She silently was concerned she wouldn’t be able to when the time finally came. She was not naive enough to think she would never have to kill anyone, even if it was in self-defense. The idea scared her. Out in the real world, past the safety that Haven offered, she was faced with the reality of death. 

They passed bodies on their way. Men and women, in armor, in robes. Emily didn’t know what was worse, staring at was once a living person, or not having the heart to even cast a glance their way. This was not the work of demons. This was the work of man. The result of people fighting other people. 

Emily’s depressed mood must have been obvious. Varric had come to her, told her she was doing great, that there was nothing she could do, and that they were working to prevent it all. She tried to cheer up, if not for her party’s sake. 

Finally, partway through the second week, Emily had a watch with Solas. He was great at going to bed as early as he possibly could and sleeping up until the last moment. It didn’t really matter because he was swift in getting up and ready when he needed to, but it meant that most of the conversations she had with him also included all of the other people around them at the time. Varric, Norwell, everyone. They avoided openly discussing the Fade at those times.

They had the second from last watch. A two-hour watch, in which they would then get to take a power nap for the last part of the night. It wasn’t the best time for a watch, but not the worst either. Somebody needed to do it after all, lest a bear attack them all in their sleep (or, you know, something worse). 

“Hey Solas,” Emily sat beside him, she was still sleepy from having been woken up only minutes prior. Solas was sat on the ground, staring intently at the dying embers of the fire before him. Emily suppressed a yawn. 

“Good evening,” he greeted. Emily realized that he was as sleepy and half awake as she was. She had never seen him this way before. Unfortunately, her not yet awake mind could not come up with a conversation topic. They sat in silence for a while. 

“Did you feel me in the Fade before?” she finally asked. 

“Yes, of course,” came Solas’ response. “I can always feel when you’ve gone to sleep.” 

Whoa. Weird. 

“Me specifically?” she asked. Solas let out a chuckle. 

“Your aura in the Fade is familiar to me. It helps you are often physically very close to me as well. I am very in tune with the Fade, and when your presence touches it, I am able to tell, if I so wish.” 

Emily nodded carefully. That sorta made sense? In a weird abstract kinda way. 

“I can’t really remember being in the Fade like that last time…” she said, internally frowning. “I wake up and I realized I had dreams, so I must have been there, of course… but I’m not aware of it while I’m there. Even when I tracked my dreams.” 

Emily hadn’t really drawn at all since they had been traveling. She picked up a nearby branch and started to draw on the ground instead, suddenly inspired. Solas regarded her carefully as if he was choosing the words to say. 

“It may be more difficult for you. Even for other mages, they do not so often find themselves able to dream with my accuracy. Panosa even, does not dream every night in the Fade. Do not be discouraged.” 

Emily briefly glanced up at him from her drawing, then immediately went to it again. She was intent on getting Trish’s face just right this time. 

“Before I left Haven, I read something… interesting… in a book there,” she said. “It said something like, ‘a normal person, a non-mage, can only be in the Fade if they are trapped there and otherwise unable to wake up’. Or something like that. I’m paraphrasing.” 

“That’s ridiculous,” Emily had to look up straight into Solas’ face at his tone. He looked upset. “The Fade is not a place to be  _ trapped _ ! I find the notion irresponsible and …” 

He stopped himself, as he was getting worked up, and lowered his voice again. 

“I apologize,” he said, then immediately cast upon the fire, turning the embers into a hot, burning flame once again. Emily felt the magic trickle over her skin for a moment as it happened. Cool. Guess he was venting his frustrations. “I simply disagree with the teaching as a whole.” 

“So then, I don’t need to be drunk and unable to wake up in order to experience the Fade?” Emily asked. “I mean, last time… the only time, really, I was in there was because I had too much to drink and probably would have been completely unable to wake up. Was my assumption incorrect?”

Solas stared at her again. 

“Perhaps it aided you, but I do not believe that is the sole the way you may come to be in the Fade,” he said finally. “You possess an interesting ability. A stronger link to the Fade than others, yet weaker than most mages. It should be possible. I can inquire about it with spirits if you wish.” 

Emily would like that, she told him so.

They spent the last of their time talking quietly of spirits and the different classifications, and about how when twisted become demons. It was a different sort of feel than with Varric, who spoke more like he was telling a story with a beginning, middle and end. Solas’ words sounded like a textbook, and the way he was giving information should have been dull. But it wasn’t. When he told her things in his smooth, velvety voice, it was fascinating, an intriguing subject. Something Emily once again found herself thinking should be a fairytale. But it wasn’t. It was real. Reality. 

It should have scared her, but instead, she leaned in, moved closer and listened intently as he recounted tales of his journey’s in the Fade for her, and her alone, to listen to. She found that when she was around Solas like this, she was excited. She was happy. And from the way the Solas’ eyes twinkled at her in the night, she wanted to believe that Solas was too.

 

\---

  
  


They had only a few days left of their travels to the Crossroads when they were attacked by bandits. The road had seemed almost normal. There were no bodies strewn about, as there had previously been. The whole place seemed safe and comfortable. 

Emily realized afterward that she should have known that something was wrong. They were headed towards a place where fighting was known to happen. They had been lured into a false sense of security. She had been fooled. 

She heard a shout behind her and turned too slowly. A burly man wearing what appeared to be stolen templar armor knocked her over with his shield, and suddenly everyone went straight into attack mode. 

Emily was dizzy and stumbled about as she tried to regain any sort of footing. It seemed after being knocked over, she had been left alone, as Norwell had immediately moved to cover her.  

The bandits were going straight after the horse carriage, clearly assuming that was where they kept the most valuable things. Perhaps they hadn’t noticed the inquisition insignia, or perhaps they didn’t care. 

She unsheathed her sword, but the enemy was no longer close to her. She silently wished she had a longer ranged weapon, but ran up towards the fighting. Her soldiers were well trained and took quite a few of the bandits out. Emily tried to ignore the blood that spattered when a kill was made. She was sure she would feel ill if she thought about it. 

Norwell was fending off two bandits at once, and they were quickly overwhelming him, Emily could see they were putting dents in his armor with their swords. She needed to help him. 

“Hey!” she shouted, coming at them. And swung just as she was trained to do. The blade cut through the flesh and clothes of the bandit she aimed for, in a sickening sort of feeling, that had Emily pulling back. It was a surface scratch mostly. She hadn’t had the heart to hit him harder. The one she attacked turned on her, while the other kept his attention on Norwell, who had regained his footing and was attacking back full force. 

Adrenaline and fear pumped through Emily as she went in for another swing, suddenly being confronted of the very _realness_ that was this battle . The bandit blocked her attack, and pushed her away. She stayed upright this time, no more falling today. That could be deadly, she had to stay focused. She tried to still her breathing.

He came at her with a downward strike, and she parried the attack the way Cullen had shown her, managing to hit him again, this time slicing open his sword arm. 

The sword dropped to the ground, but the bandit didn’t give up, with his other hand, he pulled out a knife, and came slicing at Emily. She backed up, nearly tripping over a body, as he came at her with attack after attack. She realized he was aiming for the weak, connecting points in her armor. This person was a trained rogue. Even with a useless arm, he knew what he was doing and how to make his attacks the most effective they could be. 

Emily’s evasions could only last so long. She tripped over another body, falling over yet again.  _ Shit, my first battle and it’s already over? _ But no. She wouldn't allow that. She grabbed the shield from the body beside her and threw it frisbee style towards the bandit as hard as she could. It hit him square in the chest, just hard enough to knock the breath out of him and for her to scramble back up. 

She swung her sword widely, forcing the bandit to back up, and picked up the shield again. 

It’s kill or be killed. She couldn’t hesitate anymore. The bandit was trying to kill her, and unless she killed him, he would continue to do so. She knew what he was trying to do - hit her between her armor, or towards her face - she just had to wait for an opening. She steeled herself. 

She shield bashed him properly this time, shouting as she did, and he stumbled back again. How she was overpowering him she wasn’t sure, perhaps she had caught him off guard again. 

And then she swung. Just the way she had been trained. And again, the bandit defended himself, but with his other arm flailing behind, he was slow. She saw her opening. She took her final swing. And then...  his head was rolling on the ground. She had taken it clean off. Emily didn’t stare, but bile rose in her throat. She forced it down and instead looked around to see how her troops were doing. 

Most of the bandits had been taken care of. She watched as Solas easily took out one with an explosion, and Varric pierced through the back of another with his crossbow, the bolt going straight through to the other side. 

It was over. The bandits had lost. Emily looked back down at the headless body before her and vomited. Nobody said anything for a moment. The air was filled with heavy breathing and the sheathing of swords.  

She didn’t want to think about it, the man she’d killed, the battle they just had. Yet, she was in charge, she had to be the one to say something. 

“I-is everyone alright?” she managed through a shaky breath. Apparently, they were okay. Only minor injuries, with the biggest being a huge back wound which would require stitches, a lot of elfroot potion, and a couple days of taking it easy, he could ride in the carriage though and be alright. Another soldier had dislocated his shoulder, but it was quickly set back into place with his arm in a sling. 

“Okay… good work everyone. Let’s take a little while to regroup here and then we’ll move on!” 

The soldiers were already clearing the road of the bodies, and slitting throats, just to make sure they were really dead... Emily couldn’t look. 

“Are you alright?” Solas asked her. She was still shaking. 

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m not injured or anything,” she said that, but she really wanted a hug or something. Also, she may have had a bruise or two but that was totally manageable, definitely not the hardest part. 

“No, I am aware you are physically alright,” Solas’ words forced her to look up at him, instead of staring mindlessly at the blood-stained dirt. “However, I do not believe you’ve ever killed anyone before, am I correct?” 

“N-no. Not that I can remember at least,” Emily wasn’t sure she really wanted to remember if she had before. Solas nodded to her, then led her to sit down on the carriage, as she shivered like a leaf in the wind. People gave them some space. Emily must have looked really bad. “It’s not so much that I killed him…” 

That wasn’t completely true. 

“... but it’s more that I just did it without thinking. I didn’t even care when I first swung my sword that it would kill him. I just swung without regard for his life at all.” Emily blinked back tears. “I’m scared of myself. Of who this will force me to become.” 

“Death is a part of the natural order of things, Starlet,” Varric was suddenly standing in front of them. Emily hadn’t heard him approach. She hadn’t heard much of anything except Solas’ gentle breathing beside her shaking frame. “Besides, you saw the way they attacked us, they were going to kill you if you hadn’t.” 

“Yes...” Emily sighed. “I did realize that, of course.” 

She looked around at her soldiers. They were cleaning off their swords and armor so it didn’t rust. Norwell was even cleaning hers for her. She realized she must have dropped it at some point. 

“I’ve failed as a leader,” she said sadly. “We walked straight into a trap, we were ambushed by bandits, and the leader of the whole group can’t even deal with taking one measly life for the good of others.” 

“In order to become a good leader,” Solas said. “One must overcome hardships. Surmount failure and strive for success and the betterment of the group as a whole. Have a goal they wish to reach.” 

“Yup,” Varric nodded in agreement. “Something to keep them going.” 

Emily felt tears burn her eyes that threatened to come out. 

“You guys…” she hiccupped. “Thank you…” 

She took a deep breath. This was a necessity. She was doing important work to restore order. She was doing work for the Inquisition so that they might close the breach. Killing someone because they were going to kill you was a necessary step in reaching their goals. They were trusted to get horses safely from the Hinterlands back to Haven. She was trusted. Even Leliana had taken interest in her. She breathed out. 

“All right everyone!” she shouted, projecting her voice so that everyone could hear. “We will continue forward with caution. Great job dealing with the bandits. There could be more along the way. Stay together. Guard each other. Move out!” 

And so they did, and an odd sort of newfound confidence resided in Emily. A contented feeling of justice and purpose that she had not felt before. She  _ would _ see this through.

 

-

 

Luckily, they did not encounter any more bandits. Refugees, yes, but bandits? No. She implored that the refugees walk with them, as they were meant to help out at the Crossroads anyways. They had eight refugees that had agreed to follow them. Partially because they were agents of the Inquisition, but also because they might have been desperate. Emily didn’t care what their reasons were. She intended to help them however she could. 

When they finally arrived to the alleged Crossroads just before lunch and completely on schedule,, Emily saw how dire the situation with the refugees there really was. ‘The Crossroads’ were really not a village of any sort. It was just that, a crossroad. A place people would meet during the day and go home from at night, with the exception of a few farmers. 

The place, however, was now filled with refugees. People laid out on the ground on only a worn out blanket, if they were so lucky. She saw people trying to work the infertile soil there for some sort of coin. People bartering with shops upon tiny carts. They were lucky the cold was not so harsh here.

If she thought Haven was bad, it wasn’t this. These people were impoverished, left with nothing. They had a look in their eye that reminded her of when she had first arrived at Haven, and everyone there was desperate. They were too frightened to leave their safe little bubble. 

She would have her work cut out for her. 

Of course, she had the matter that Solas had spoken to her about too. He pulled her aside as the soldiers settled themselves around the roads. 

“If I may speak to you about a certain matter…” he said. Emily nodded immediately, she knew what it was about. “I believe there to be an artifact here, that will strengthen the Veil.” 

“Strengthen it?” Emily’s eyes widened. “Is that possible?” All in all, Emily knew very little about what the Veil actually was. She understood it in theory, but practically she almost felt it was a children’s story, made up to explain something otherwise unexplainable. That same fairy tale feeling she got when he talked about the Fade just days prior.

Solas explained where he felt it was and that they should perhaps take a small party aside to go and see. 

Emily agreed they would do that after she sorted out the whole soldier refugee situation and had some orders laid out. Time for her to actually take charge, like she was meant to be doing. Like she had been trying to do the whole time.

“All right everyone!” she called out as loud as she could, hoping to appear somehow more powerful than she felt. The soldiers immediately hailed to her call, and gathered around. “As you all are aware, the Commander has asked us to help the refugees here. As it is, I have some plans and ideas to put in place to help the community grow.” 

She swallowed. She knew the weak points, she had been briefed by Solas and Varric on the way. They mainly needed a steady supply of food, something they could get for themselves, and hopefully start to restore some sort of order. That and she needed to somehow improve the overall hygiene of the place. She felt that if an illness came through, it would knock everyone dead on their feet. She had obviously come up with some plans for it all.

She carefully laid out her ideas. First she sorted her squad into three groups. Hunters, scavengers, and healers. She asked most of her soldiers to be the hunters, asking the scouts instead to be the scavengers and healers, unless anyone felt particularly inclined to help with anything medically related. A few soldiers mentioned they knew some things, so Emily asked them to stay in the healing group.  

She instructed the hunters to ask for refugees who were hardy and well, on a volunteer basis, to go with them in groups of four (two soldiers, two civilians) and train them how to properly hunt. They would go to places that they knew to have been previously cleared out, so as to avoid any sort of mages. This would hopefully bolster their confidence. Emily knew she wouldn’t be sent there if there was a lot of danger, she was still rather green at the whole thing, so she took that to believe that the major threats really were gone, and the people were just too frightened to venture back out on their own. She made sure to include that they should not forgo choosing somebody who was offering their aid on the basis of their race. She tried to look stern while doing this, though she felt much more like a cute bear cub than the mother bear. 

Second, she tasked people to scavenge for elfroot, spindleweed (which she only knew about thanks to Dwyte, bless him) and other edible herbs. This was something she often did in Haven herself with Panosa, so she knew how valuable it could be. Then she asked them to help her in making soap first. There was only one goat in the whole place that they had slain food wise, along with two nugs. Emily instructed them to melt down all the fat they could, mix it in elfroot, then cool it in bars to hand out to people. Luckily, there was a waterfall that streamed into what was possibly an underground river running through the village, so water was the only thing not in short supply. Small miracles. 

She also asked the scavenging group to make a large group meal, both for the Inquisition and the refugees. She said they were allowed to barter for the use of potatoes. Josephine had, in fact, given Emily a small amount of money to work with. She put a scout named Alma - who looked to be in her mid thirties - in charge, and instructed her to do what she needed to with the money. 

Lastly she instructed her small group of healers (of which there were only four, and none were mages) to overlook all the injured people. There were plenty of them. They needed to have bandages washed and reapplied, elfroot potions and salves administered, and care and attention to help them heal. She also told them that if anyone was sick, to make sure to give them warm water and comfortable beds so that they might recover. She quietly told them it was best to keep the sicker ones separate so as not to spread the illness, in case it was a disease. 

Then, once everyone had started to go about their tasks, Emily turned to Norwell. 

“Norwell, if you please,” she asked politely. “There’s something else I need you to attend to.” 

Of course, Emily wanted a full party of four to go on Solas’ little side mission. Solas had mentioned that there had been a group of highly skilled... fighters… or something in the area. Not bandits, but pretending to be bandits? The whole thing was a bit confusing but she trusted Solas to know what he was talking about. Honestly, if things hadn’t been so hectic, she would have listened to him better and probably understood, but as it were, she just knew there had been danger there. She didn’t want to take any chances, especially after the bandit attack on the road. Plus, demons were known to be in the area. That did not sound particularly comforting. Especially since they seemed to want to fall out of the sky. 

After briefly explaining the situation to Norwell, who seemed to take the whole thing as a ‘side mission’ for the Inquisition and them to accomplish, they headed north along the path that led towards Redcliffe Village. But instead of following it completely, Solas directed them off to the right, through a large stone archway. 

“There was a trained group here before,” Solas explained. “We dealt with them previously, but I would ask that we maintain a sense of caution.” 

So they did. 

“According to my research, the ancient elves set up wards in the area.” Solas explained as they walked. “If we can strengthen the artifacts used, we may be able to protect the area against tears.” 

It was just as he finished his sentence that they heard the tell tale signs of some sort of battle. A woman, shouting out spells, and the prickling feeling of electrical magic in the air. They carefully treaded forward, only to see a lone woman - an elf - battling against a demon. She was doing rather well for herself, but Emily looked to her comrades. 

“Let’s help her then!” and they ran forward to help slay the demon. It almost looked like an abomination, but Emily decided not to let her fear hold her back this time. It could cost her her life. And she didn’t have any qualms about killing demons. They were warped spirits who only wanted destruction. There wasn’t a lot she would be able to do otherwise. 

Turns out, they needn’t have bothered. 

The woman took the demon out on her own with a crackle of electricity. It left Emily impressed, she turned to see her, in case the woman might turn on them. 

“Halt strangers, I am no threat,” she said, approaching carefully. She was just as weary of them as they were of her. Emily could see her facial tattoos up close now. She was Dalish. It was meant to revere some god or something. They were bright purple and lined her face perfectly. It was a bit jarring to see somebody so heavily tattooed - most of the elves in the Inquisition were not Dalish. Only one was, and her tattoo was small and green just over her left eye. This was a full face thing, much more prominent. Emily didn’t want to stare. 

“From your weapons, I see you came ready for battle,” said the elf in a more friendly manner, after they did not immediately attack her. “Perhaps… we face a common enemy in these demons.” 

Emily knew she meant she did not want to travel with them, but wanted them for something. The others turned to her to answer. She wasn’t sure what to do because Solas was sort of leading her on this. 

“What are you doing out here?” she said finally. “Are you fighting the demons on your own?” 

“Fighting the demons is pointless,” came the firm response. “They just keep coming, and I have no means of closing the rifts.” 

The elf surveilled them for a moment. Emily felt silly for even asking about the demons.

“But I _ have  _ heard of an elven artifact that can measure the Veil. I was searching for it. I was not expecting so many demons, however. I believe one of the artifacts is nearby. Can you help me reach it?” 

_ Ahhh _ so there it was.  _ That _ was what she wanted. Emily found herself nodding without realizing that might be taken as an agreement. What if it was the same artifact Solas was after? It didn’t matter, she supposed. They would deal with it afterwards. She turned to Solas, who did a weird half-shrug-half-nod in her direction and turned back. 

“Yes, we’ll help,” she said. “It sounds worth investigating” Especially since Solas would likely be interested either way. 

“Thank you, it should not be too far ahead!” 

They headed towards an old ruin up ahead in silence for a moment, before the elf spoke up again. 

“Really, thank you again for joining me. I do not think I could have done this alone.” 

Emily then proceeded to ask about who she was, she was definitely feeling like her thanks were a bit forced. The elf mentioned her clan, which she implied to be no more, and explained she knew much about magic. Emily gave Solas a pointed look at this point. Could she rival him? She truly wondered. After all, they had both arrived to the place around the same time. Was this some weird Fade magic thing? Drawing powerful mages together or something?

Then the elf proceeded to say that she knew more than any “Shemlen” - a term Emily had never heard before, but immediately knew to be a slur from her tone. Probably towards humans. 

Then Solas did something she never would have expected. He spoke a different language. Almost as if he was chastising her or something. Emily raised an eyebrow at him but he didn’t explain himself. 

Emily knew that Solas spoke elven, of course. She’d seen him try to teach Panosa once. But she wasn’t sure how much the Dalish really knew. Solas always seemed to detest them after all. Seemed odd though, that even though he was not much older than this woman, that he could have somehow learned so much more from the Fade. 

Was this because he was better at dreaming, as he had mentioned to her before? 

Emily assumed that must have been it. She would have to ask him more about it later.

The elven woman reacted negatively to Solas’ words, and immediately apologized. The group fell into silence as the climbed the sunken steps of the ruin. It had been overgrown with plants, and the pillars which were meant to be beside the welcoming entrance now blocked it instead. Either through time or some sort of recent battle, Emily wasn’t sure.

“Is there a plan to get in there?” she asked. She assumed this was where they were meant to go. Both Solas and their new addition seemed confident this was the place. 

“We’ll need focused magical energy to get by,” said the elf. She turned to Solas. “You. Flat ear. Can you manage it?” 

Again with the slurs, and again one that Emily had not heard. More surprising this time as it was directed at an elf. She thought she’d heard them all. Flat ear? Another question for later. 

“Ma nuvenin, da’len,” he said. Emily cocked her head because what did he even just say, ‘leave it up to me’? She assumed Solas was simply avoiding conflict, because he was not the sort to just blindly agree to do something. 

Emily’s jaw dropped as Solas then focused his magical energy, a blue glowing aura that surrounded himself and the broken bits, to replace the pillars along the sides of the ruins, just as they might have been before they collapsed. 

“I didn’t know you could do that…” she mumbled. Solas shot her what appeared to be a look of pride. However it didn’t last long. Emily turned back towards the tunnel to find demons waiting for them. 

They immediately sped into action. She saw and felt Solas’ barrier go up, as the new mage started to electrocute the demons. A common enemy indeed. Emily felt secure enough that she wasn’t about to just stab them in the back - especially not with Solas right next to her.

Varric sent a flurry of arrows into the big, abomination looking one, and Emily decided to go after the more transparent appearing demons hiding in the back with Norwell. It kept shooting some sort of energy at her, but she blocked it away - downwards, just as she had been taught by Cullen.

Slicing through it was strange, it was like cutting through something gelatinous. She definitely sliced right through it, but it still maintained its appearance. She sliced again. It floated backwards, into the corner of the room, trying to escape her blade. She assumed that meant she was actually doing some sort of damage to it, so she chased it. She was not letting any demon get away from her today. She released a flurry of attacks at it, she didn’t want it to start casting another spell, she wasn’t going to give it a chance.. 

Finally, on one of her blows, she felt it. It dissipated, like steam, and disappeared into the air. She allowed herself a moment to wonder what sort of substance it had been made of. It was not quite solid, yet still mostly there. So strange. She looked around. The others were also finished with their targets. She really needed to pay attention to her surroundings when she was fighting. Something Cullen had definitely told her before. Something she probably should have done in her first fight as well. Something to remember for the future. 

With the enemy taken care of Emily suddenly realized just how dim it was where they were.

“It’s dark in here,” she said, squinting through one of the tunnels. It would be hard to find what they were searching for if the inside of the tunnel was pitch black.  She turned to face the others. Solas was staring at an unlit torch upon the wall. “Solas? Are you alright?”

Suddenly, his eyes glowed, and upon the torch appeared a greenish-blue flame. Similar in colour to the breach. Emily’s jaw dropped for the second time in the past ten minutes. 

“That’s not normal fire,” Varric’s voice echoed in the small foyer of the ruin. Apparently Emily wasn’t the only one impressed. 

“I have heard of this but never seen it before.” Solas lit his own torch with it. The flame caught as it would if it were a regular one. Magic fire? “It is called veilfire. It is a form of sympathetic magic. A memory of a flame that burns through when the veil is thin.”

Everyone seemed to accept that explanation. Emily wanted to know more, but held her tongue.

“That’s so cool,” she murmured instead. Norwell raised an eyebrow but was otherwise silent. Maybe she should appear less enthused by magic when an ex-templar was around? It was so hard though!

Now with the ability to see thanks to the veilfire, they walked deeper into the ruin, into a large, open room. Crawling with more demons, of course. Because why wouldn’t it be? 

They attacked them again. Emily was more than ready this time. These demons were not as hard to face as she had once thought them to be. As she slayed them, she felt an odd weight lifting off of her shoulders. A fear that was beginning to dissipate. She felt stronger. Better. She also felt like she was starting to learn their attack patterns. She could better analyse what they were going to do. The transparent green ghost-y ones would often hang back as a support while the abomination looking ones would run forward and attack whoever was closest. All the demons were easily swayed to attack someone else if you drew attention to yourself. These seemed like very important things to note. 

With the demons dead, Emily looked around the room. It was a dead end. Parts of the ruin were collapsing in on itself. She picked up the torch lit with the veilfire (it had fallen during the battle, but hadn’t gone out), and huge green beetles scurried away from her. Ew. 

On the ground in the middle of the room there was some sort of rune etched into the ground. A failed ritual of some sort. Emily felt like she perhaps recognized it. Was it a rune to summon demons? Judging from the bones in the area, she would guess that it didn’t end well. Maybe those  _ were _ actually abominations they had just fought? She almost shivered. Almost. 

She lit one of the wall torches in the area, and was shocked to see that what when it was lit, it was not, in fact, veilfire, but real, actual flames. The orange kind. She wondered if the fire might turn real if she took it outside and let it burn long enough, or if it would simply disappear.  The Fade was really, truly, a curious thing after all. She understood why Solas like it so much. She would have to tell him so later. He obviously knew how fascinating it was obviously, but she felt like letting him know that she was just as interested was… useful somehow. People always want to meet other people who are just as interested in something as they are, right?

“I believe I can sense one of the artifacts of my people,” Solas said, drawing her from her thoughts. He looked towards the back of the room. The group moved to investigate. 

It was the dalish elf who found the artefact.

“There,” she said, pointing at an object lying along the wall. “If we activate that crystal, it should be able to strengthen the veil.”

Solas approached it cautiously. Emily peered over him to catch a glimpse of this fabled artifact that seemed oh-so-important. 

It was a round, dark crystal that rested upon a small pedestal. An orb, with odd things protruding from it. Suddenly, it sparked green, energy crackling around it. Emily realized that Solas must have done something to activate it. She glanced at Varric, who simply stared with his eyebrow raised. If he was impressed, he said nothing. It must have been her imagination, but it felt as if something had settled around them. The wild eeriness in the air seemed to have disappeared, instead leaving some sort of security. Was this what the veil felt like? A secure, safe blanket? 

“Yes, the wards are helping to strengthen the veil,” Solas confirmed her suspicions. “It seems as though people will travel the roads more safely now.” 

“Yes,” nodded the elf, her eyes falling instead to something just beside the artefact. “And it seems the ancestors left something for me as well. I believe our alliance is concluded. Go in peace strangers.” 

She then crouched down and ignored them, instead holding up an amulet from the rubble. Emily wondered if that was not what she had truly come for. She looked at Solas, who looked upon her with a slight frown. That may as well have been outright disgust for how much Solas showed facial expression. 

“Solas?” Emily asked, carefully. He took it as an invitation to speak. 

“Ma Halani. Ma Glandival. Vir Enasalin.” 

Emily blinked because this was the second time he had spoken in elven. Perhaps so that he could properly convince her? She wished she understood. Perhaps he would teach her? On top of the thousand other things she wanted him to teach her. Fat chance there. 

“I…” the Dalish elf swallowed, worry sketched upon her features and took another glance towards the amulet. “Yes, perhaps you’re right. Here. take it. Go with Mythal’s blessing.” 

She handed the amulet to Solas, then sped away.  She would probably come back later to look around the ruin on her own. 

“What did you tell her?” Emily asked, curious. Maybe she could pick up some words if she paid enough attention. 

“I simply told her that she did not have the knowledge to properly understand what she held.” Solas nods, examining the amulet, then putting it in his pocket. “And it appears I was correct.” 

“I see…” Emily nods along with him, then turned to the other two. “Well, we did it. I’m glad you two came with us after all. Thank you so much.” 

“No problem, Starlet,” Varric gives her his winning smile. “Anytime.” 

They collected some of the coin lying in the ruins (along with a letter, telling mages to go to a place called ‘Witchwood’ which Solas said was no longer relevant, so they burned it), and as they were turning to leave, Solas spoke yet again. 

“There is something odd about those runes, but I cannot determine what,” he said, directing everyone’s attention to a rune etched in the corner of the room.. Emily walked closer to it, noticing something shimmer in the light.

“The veilfire is illuminating it…” Solas says, almost in awe. He took the light from her and moved it towards the rune. It shifted and changed under the fire, then solidified into something else. 

“A fire rune,” Solas said after a moment, identifying it. “An old art. Perhaps we will be able to use this to enhance our weapons.” 

Emily blinked at his theory. Fire weapons? That sounded neat. Something to share with Max for sure. It could definitely give the Inquisition an edge. 

Now being certain they had seen what they needed to in the tomb, they finally climbed out. Her veilfire immediately burned out and disappeared when she stepped outside. It seemed it really did only affect that one area, it satisfied her curiosity about what would happen to the flame at least. And perhaps, now that they had strengthened the veil, it would not appear again. Sad, of course, but maybe it was better that way.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whewwww~
> 
> This chapter was actually originally almost twice as long as it is! I decided to cut off the whole end part and move it to another chapter as I was editing it because??? This is almost 8k words. Then again, you guys did ask for longer chapters! Hope it was worth the wait! The longer chapters definitely require me a full two weeks to write and edit versus one week but I do think I enjoy writing longer chapters anyways so it works out!
> 
> But yeah I didn't expect this to end up as long as it did (seeing as I've actually cut this in half LOL)! Hopefully, you found it interesting, even if part of it covered an actual quest in the game haha... I tried to make it a little different though! 
> 
> I'm hoping I'll be able to write more ahead of schedule so that all your updates will be completely on time! (My goal is to get as close to the end of this story by the end of this year so...! Here's hoping!)
> 
> See you soon!


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